(Closed) Is there a \"perfect or right\" moment to get married?

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
9639 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

the perfect time is when you are both ready and committed to each other.

Post # 3
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

The perfect moment was when I knew I couldn’t live without him. I got married on Saturday, and it feels really scary and grown up, but I can’t not be married to him. He’s my favorite person in the world, and knowing we’re in it for the rest of forever outweighs any fear 🙂

Post # 4
Member
1961 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

MY Fiance proposed last month. We are nearing 3 years together. We have done all things that worked for us. We dated a year, we moved in together for a year then bought a house together. We have seen each other at the very worst, we’ve dealt with money together. This laid the ground work for how we work together and will work together in a marriage. 

We have talked through issues of kids, how we want to raise them. What if we can’t have kids? Do we adopt? IVF? Child free? Crazy dog people? 

That’s how it worked for us. When we knew there was so much love and couldn’t see life without that person by our side. But knew that person was on the same page as us. We just knew this was it. This was the person for us. That was as right as I can say. 

Post # 6
Member
4061 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

For me it was the moment when the fear of committing my life to him was gone.  And that fear was there for quite a while and then one day it just wasn’t there and I knew I was ready.  He was ready before I was, we’ve always talked honestly about where we were in terms of our relationship.  I told him I was ready, he proposed, and we will be married in 6 days! 

Post # 7
Member
10275 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I do think there are times that are more right than others but not necessarily a perfect time. Of course all the emotional reasons need to be there on both sides but my husband and I waited a long time so that other things in our life (mostly finances and education) were where we wanted them to be to give our marriage a strong start. Like yeah you can be in love at 18 and be perfect for each other but life is going to be harder if you get married right away vs waiting until you are older and stable. And I think life is hard enough without making decisions that make it even harder.

Post # 8
Member
5145 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

Hmm, this is an interesting, yet difficult question to answer!

We knew early on that we saw and wanted each other as life partners, in the sense we knew we were committed to each other and to sharing a life together.

We had always had open, and honest, communication with each other about everything, including our expectations, our feelings, our desires, had talked about all those issues that couples ought to talk about if they are considering a future together, and so on. Not with a purposeful approach as in “we need to talk about this to decide if we are right together” but in a way where communication just flowed naturally and we realized at end of day we had really shared everything we could share with each other (but of course, this is a lifelong process, just because we talked about it once, does not mean we shall never talk again, ha!).

Also, when we met we were both rather “settled” into who we were as people. We met when we were both a little older and had a good foundation of life and relationship experience by that point, were reasonably self-aware, and had a good sense of what we wanted in a lifetime partnership. I think we were able to assess our own relationship in a healthy, balanced way at that point, and both knew we had found in each other something pretty special.

Marriage was not something that I personally felt was important to me, but I did want that committed partnership. This is just mostly from perhaps how I was raised, my own perceptions at the time of marriage, and so on. In any event, ultimately, I was quite happy not ever getting married so it was not something that really tended to cross my mind much.

However, my husband did ask me, rather spontaneously in some interesting circumstances. It was a surprise in the sense that the proposal was a surprise (it was a ringless one, as well), but not a surprise in the sense that he wanted to spend his life with me, and he knew I wanted to spend my life with him too. And I said yes, because to me there was no question in that moment that was what I wanted, too.

So, I think it was a bit of a combination of both. Being together had always just felt “right” and it felt completely natural to make a lifetime commitment, whether legally or not. That, combined with lots of communication, meant we were both on the same page and committed to each other and our relationship. The actually decision to be legally married came after a lot of communication, but it itself was more of a leap of faith on both our parts as it just felt right (and still feels right several years later!) We had a short engagement, so once we had decided, yes, we were going to do it, we wanted to do it as soon as we could!

As cheesy as it sounds, it feels like we always were just meant to be together, in whatever form that was. Whether it was with a legal marriage or not was unimportant to me, but when he asked me it felt like there was nothing else I wanted more. 

Post # 9
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I had a dream that I still think about all the time. My Fiance and I had been dating for like 6 months maybe and I was like “Yup this is it.” He’d met my family, I was crazy about him, his family loved me, etc. In my dream, we were getting married. I didn’t have a dress, there were 200 people there and no food or drink. Everyone was really happy but I just remember dream-me being like “But we don’t have chairs and tables!!!!” It wasn’t exactly a sublte moment for my subconscious but it was accurate. The important things were in place, but not enough was in place yet. 

Cut to 2 years later and we were engaged and still happy as clams, but we’d grown so much as a couple we felt glad we didn’t rush to get engaged. Spending some more time together gave us the opportunity to learn more about ourselves and now we’re getting married in a big beautiful wedding that I actually feel much more prepared for.  

Post # 10
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I think, for us, it was a well thought out decision making process. Not to undermine the romance of the situation, but we had many discussions about what we wanted to accomplish as individuals before deciding to get married. We started dating when we were 20 after being friends for a couple years, and knew we saw a future together early on. However, we wanted to finish school and get our degrees, complete independent travel, and I personally wanted to live alone for a while before we moved in together. We always knew what the end game was, and there wasn’t a rush for us to get there, and we got to accomplish everything we wanted to do before getting married*. We’ll be getting married 7 years after we started dating, so it’s been a long road but an enjoyable journey. 

*This isn’t to say couples who are married can’t accomplish things individually (like the things I’ve mentioned), we just strongly felt we wanted to be at a certain place in our lives before getting married. 

Post # 11
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

For me, it was a combination of things. My Fiance became more stable in his career, which was something he had wanted to accomplish before starting a life together. We had been together around 2-2.5 years when we started talking seriously about our future and had talked through the important stuff – if and when we’d have kids, where we’d want to live, career goals, when we’d want to get married etc. Also, after being together that long, we knew we wanted to be partners for life and make that commitment.

The exact “right” moment for us was when we bought a house together – last summer. At that point we had talked about getting engaged and married soon before buying together – and he proposed the day we moved in! 🙂

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