Post # 1
… to figure out who in my family currently has a SO? To cut down on the guest list we’d really like to give +1s only to people who are in a relationship when we send out the invites, and we’d really like to invite their SO specifically (with his or her name) rather than “and guest.” But there are some cousins and a couple uncles that have dated in the past but I’m not sure if they’re with anyone now… when it gets closer to sending the invites out, is there a polite way to fish around and find out who is dating someone? Would it be completely unacceptable for me to just outright ask? (I’m nervous to do that in case someone just broke up or something that would make it awkward.)
I’m at the point where I have to cut back somehow, so I’m hoping there’s a nice way to do this.
Post # 3
Have your mom do it if you can. She probably knows or will have an easier time chatting with an aunt who’s in the know about that type of thing.
Post # 4
Yeah, I would say the mom’s or aunts would know it.
Post # 5
@Aure: Thing is, the side I don’t know as much about is my dad’s side and he would never do it- we don’t get along that well. And my mom isn’t close to his family at all, she would not be comfortable asking. I suppose I could call my grandma, but while she might know IF someone’s dating, I doubt she’d know all their names, I have a large family. So at that point could I call my relatives and ask for specific names?
Post # 6
@galloway111: I’d think if Grandma can tell you who has a SO then you can call Cousin Bob and say “I’d really love it if your girlfriend could make it to the wedding, just to make sure I address the invite correclty can you give me the spelling of her name?”
Post # 7
Can I ask… I know they’re your family and all – but if you aren’t close enough to know if they’re in a long term comitted relationship, why are you even inviting them?
Sorry if that offends you, it’s a genuine question, seeing as I have no contact with anyone outside my immediate family -I don’t even know how many cousins I have : I’ll be saving my seats for those that actually play a significant part in our lives.
Post # 8
If you are inviting this person you should call them up and ask them.
You don’t have to stay on the line with them for more then a few minutes and will then get the information from the source.
I would hate to rely on someone elses knowledge about a relationship. What if Granny just forgets about Margarets partner Sam and then Margaret gets there and sees everyone with dates but her?
Post # 9
We asked our parents if they knew they were in a relationship or not and for their name. If they didn’t know the name, we just put “and guest”. We didn’t call them directly because we hardly know them, nevermind that we don’t know their phone numbers lol. It was faster and easier just to ask FI’s parents.
@sarizzle: We had to invite a whole bunch of people we’re not close to just because they’re family. FI’s dad is contributing to the wedding, so he got a say in who we invited.
Post # 10
Hmmm, maybe you have a cousin who would be in the know, who you could call? That’s a tough spot to be in. I was lucky that we both have small families, and were able to find out easily on all sides. I guess if all else fails, you could either send them a +1, but since you are trying to keep numbers down, you could just send them an individual invite and then deal ith any drama that ensues afterwards?
The guest list is an evil, evil thing
Post # 11
@sarizzle: I consider myself close to my family, but I have a huge family (we have 150 guests, with aunts, uncles, and 1st cousins only) and a lot of them live far away, so I don’t see them often. I can’t imagine a wedding without them. But I can’t keep track of everyone’s lives, there’s too many.
@andielovesj: So you don’t think that’s rude or anything? As I said, I’m just worried that I’ll call and the person will have just broken up yesterday and will start bawling their eyes out on the phone or something…
@DeathByDesign: My parents definitely don’t know… my grandma would be the only one I can think of that would know everyone’s status. I doubt my parents even have everyone’s phone numbers, haha.
I don’t want to add a +1 for those I don’t know about, because it wouldn’t be fair to people who aren’t getting +1 🙁 You’re right, I’m really hating the guest list.
Post # 12
facebook stalk, my dear.
Honestly, I had to do that for a few of the ‘must invites’…….whether or not *I* really thought they were ‘must invites’………..oh the joys of the guest list!