Is there a polite way to not invite people?

posted 9 months ago in Guests
Post # 2
2590 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Is your mom paying for any of the wedding? If not, it doesn’t matter what she thinks. You are not obligated to invite any of the people you mentioned. 

Post # 3
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Who’s paying for the wedding? If it’s you, it’s much easier to say no. If it’s your parents, you will need to discuss it with them. Have you picked a venue yet?

Post # 6
1308 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

It’s your mom’s money, not yours. If she wants to spend thousands of dollars to feed a bunch of obscure relatives, there’s nothing you can do about it XD That’s how important it is for her to have them at least INVITED to your wedding. 

My family is giving money towards my wedding to feed 200 obscure relatives that I only see a handful of times a year. But family is really important to my parents, so that’s how they want to spend their money. I don’t care too much – I like my family anyway XD

Go with the venue you love, but let your mom do what she likes with her money. Let your mom know about the guest limit from the venue and go from there, taking into account your fiance needs to invite people too. But it’s your mom’s money, not yours.

Post # 7
2678 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

You can certainly ask for them to put their money towards something else, but they don’t have to agree. And even if they agree, putting any amount of money towards anything wedding related gives them some say in your wedding.

If you really, really don’t want these people there I would not take their money for anything, and plan the wedding you really want.

Post # 9
733 posts
Busy bee

You can either pay for the wedding yourself and dictate the guest list, or accept their money and do things their way. 

Post # 11
742 posts
Busy bee

bostonbee2018 :  This. 

If you want all the rights to the guest list, you have to pay for your wedding yourself. 

Post # 12
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - A historic Art Deco and French Renaissance Theatre

kate01199 :  I am sorta in the same boat when it comes to your 2nd problem listed. We are at our budgeted limit of guests. I do NOT feel I should have to invite people just because they are family. If I met you once when I was 5 (I’m now 30) and have never talked to you, you are a stranger to me. As I’m gathering addresses for invites people are just assuming others are invited. So instead of the 2 addresses I asked for I receive 5. No I did not forget to ask you about someone. If I needed their address I simply wouldve asked for it along with the others. Even though we are paying for the wedding ourselves and it falls as our final decision it is still frustrating to be put in that predicament. It seems that anymore weddings are about your guests and what should be done to please them instead of focusing around the 2 of you and it being YOUR DAY! I’m at the point where I prefer to put my money towards the people I really want there and let the family bad mouth me behind my back about how “rude” or “inappropriate” it is to do such a thing. Because really I’m not going to talk to or see those people until the next funeral that comes around. Sorry about the rant but I’ve been holding that in for 2 weeks. I can’t even imagine the amount of stress that you feel as I only have 1 of your aforementioned issues. I wish I could be of more help, but I guess your parents paying for things kinda makes the situation a bit sticky :-/ I hope a compromise can be reached and the stress will settle down for you.

Post # 13
733 posts
Busy bee

kate01199 :  You can certainly try to explain to your parents how you feel. I know that even though my mom paid for our wedding, she wouldn’t have wanted me to have anyone there that I didn’t want there.

But if you talk to your parents and they insist on having certain people there, really the only way to gain control back is to pay for it yourself. People are allowed to attach strings to their money, and you are allowed to decline it. 

Post # 14
9114 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Talk to your parents.

But if they’re paying, they decide. That’s how it goes. You have a choice: Complete control over your own wedding at your own cost, or have someone else pay for it for you, but you play by their rules.

Post # 15
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

I’m sorry there are so many people who were crappy to you. The good news is that if you have succeeded in keeping your wedding small, it’s a lot easier to pay for! Elope if you must, or just have friends (no family), but know that the second you accept family money, they’ve bought strings. To have a no strings attached wedding, pay for it yourself.

That’s what we did, and we are not looking back.

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