(Closed) Is there a polite way to request just money?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
6889 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Word of mouth? Honestly I’m floored about this too. I would much rather have cash to put towards a house or home improvements than nice things that I can worry about when I have more cash flow. When I talked to some people about it, word of mouth seemed the least rude. Just make your intentions tactfully clear to your family and close friends (people that would get asked about your registry, etc) and they can say “They are registered at ___ but I’m thinking they may prefer cash to put towards a house, if that is do-able.”

Post # 4
7294 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i think your best bet to get money is to NOT register anywhere. and if people ask you directly, then tell them you are moving and don’t need tangible stuff.  also, are you taking a honeymoon?  if so, then you could do a honeymoon registry. in the end its money you get, so if people put money towards your honeymoon, then you have the money you saved for it to put towards moving instead.

Post # 6
17 posts

A friend of mine in the invitations had this little poem, for example:

Our life together has already begun

And we almost have everything under the sun,

So we both thought we would make a suggestion,

To save you from all the searching and guessing,

Instead of spending lots and lots,

Just put some money with your card,

And place it into our Moneybox,

Large amounts are not anticipated,

Any amount would be appreciated,

Now that we have saved you all the fuss,

We can’t wait for you to celebrate with us!

Post # 8
47422 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

There is no polite way to ask for cash.

Wedding gifts traditionally have been purchased to help the couple set up their home .

It is not up to your wedding guests to finance your move .

I suggest you don’t register anyhwere if you don’t want gifts.

Post # 9
5982 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

honestly? the only semi-polite way is by word of mouth. do not put this in writting anywhere…it is very rude. Good luck to you!!!

Post # 10
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Don’t register.  

If anyone asks you directly, have an answer ready…like you really don’t need any gifts/have anywhere to put them, etc.  You will still get money from most guests.

Post # 11
6571 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I also have a friend who wrote something like

“Her name and his name already built their nest, So money for the bride and groom would be best.”

Personally, I’m not a fan of people asking for money. I think the best way to go about it is not to register, but then you’ll probably end up with things you don’t want.


Post # 12
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

View original reply
@artbee:  I put out a strong word of mouth (through our parents) that we did not want gifts that would end up at the Goodwill for lack of space in our home.  I was really clear that we didn’t want our wedding to be about consumption and waste.  (We weren’t actually trying to get more cash, but people did give it.)  

People got the word, and the few gifts that we got were great…a vegetarian cookbook (I’m veg) from FI’s cousin who is a chef, a coffee table book from a place where my family vacations, PJ’s  and a frame of us all together from my girls.  I only got two housewares…sheets and pillows delivered directly from BB&B in case I wanted to return them and some very sweet coasters from my mentally handicapped cousins.

Post # 13
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Word of mouth.  I’d register for a few things anyway.  Do you need new linens?  Do you have a set of matching plates?  You probably will end up with a few things you don’t want anyway.  I also think this might depend on the region. 

I’m from NJ and I actually didn’t know that it was common to give gifts for a wedding- I thought you gave money for a wedding and boxed gift for a shower, if there is one.  I’m in MD now, and it seems much more common to give a gift for the wedding.  I’ve also learned that some people think it’s tacky to give money… so I guess it depends on what your guests think.  My Future Mother-In-Law, for example, will always get a nice gift that isn’t on the registry.  That’s just her preference.

Post # 14
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Well everyone that knows us,  also knows that we have been living together for 15 years,  so a toaster or towels are obviously going to be bad presents.

I am going to wait until they ask what we would like,  then maybe say,  ‘well we already go a home full of stuff,   so i will leave it up to you,  maybe cash would probably help towards our honeymoon ”

or something similar

but i would wait until asked,  and i wouldn’t  write anything……just mention it as an idea you JUST thought of…….

but as far as my family are concerned,  they are getting together to pay our photographer,   its saves them struggling to find a gift,  and saves us a LOT of money……its still money,  but its money we havent got to find, which is great…

Then i also have a friend offer to pay for my cake as her present to me.  i think if they offer,  its great ,  and they feel great being included too.

Post # 15
3361 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with the previous posters.  There is absolutely no polite way to ever ask for money. 

But if asked (and only if asked) you can tell them that you are saving for XXXXXXX.  Your family and close friends can spread that as well.

But I think you have to be prepared that as a giver it is very ungratifying to contribute 1/10000th of the cost of your move.  I love giving a tanigible item to couples.  I loved hearing my parents break out the slow cooker and talk about how great aunt Martha gave that to them for their wedding.

Oh and please all brides, not just the OP, do not ever use a cutesy poem to try to disguise that you are asking for cash.  It is terrible.  While i think it is attrocius to ask for cash, asking via cutesy poem makes it worse.  I’d rather see ‘ give me your dough’ printed on the bottom of the invite then get a card with a poem.

Post # 16
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

i don’t think you should write it anywhere.  just don’t register.  we’re going to bf’s friend’s wedding and when i looked for a registry, i couldn’t find one.  i had bf ask his friend.  his friend said that they were moving overseas for 18 months and will probably rent out their townhome and they do not want to store any gifts.  he didn’t directly say that they wanted cash but it’s what we’re giving. 

i’m asian so the only time i give gifts off a registry is when i attend an american wedding.  otherwise, we always give cash as weddign gifts.

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