(Closed) Is there a polite way to request just money?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
1746 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@dynamic_duo: OH no no no, I wasn’t offended by what you said at all. More than anything i was just airing out a grievance that I have because I’ve read a few sentiments on a few different threads that the poem would actually make someone consider not going. I think that’s just bananas, with all due respect.

I want to support a bride and groom on their lives together, even if they aren’t good friends of mine. If what they need is money for a vacation, a blender, or the help with a downpayment on a house, I’ll most certainly do it, and some corny ass poem is not going to stop me. And if it did, I would really reflect on it later and realize I was being overly sensitive.

Post # 33
Member
822 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Fiance and I have been living in our own home together for 4 years and have everything we need so we are not going to register anywhere, but we will also not put anything about cash on the invitation.  

Heaps of people have already asked what we would like and are fine with cash towards our honeymoon or our life together after the wedding.  I agree with the PP about it being a cultural thing, in NZ it is very common to give cash to the wedding couple, especially since the majority of people live together before marriage now.

We honestly don’t mind if we do end up with presents if that is what some guests would like to do.  All the weddings we have been to in the last 5 years they have asked for cash and we have been happy to give it to them so I highly doubt we will have a problem.

Post # 34
Member
4334 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

ok, maybe I’ve spent too much time at TK, but the answer is… NO!

Post # 35
Member
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

We already had a house and didn’t need stuff so we only registered for a little bit, didn’t have a shower, and had our parents say that we preferred cash.

Post # 36
Member
3010 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My first instinct if I saw someone didn’t register? They don’t want anything. Period. Most people I know buy a gift and give money. The economy sucks though. Who knows what anyone should expect. I pretty much expect nothing by 2012. Or at least not as much as it would normally be.

Post # 37
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

As horrible as this sounds, we’re hoping for just cash too. Whatever we get for our wedding is going to our first house. There is no chance I’ll be politely asking for money, cause there seems to be no way of doing that nicely. Instead, I’m not registering. Whatever we get, I’ll appreciate.

Post # 38
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would also be wary of not registering

My sister got a wolf blanket and some New Orlean Saint’s mugs!

Post # 39
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

 i don’t think it’s that rude to request money instead of a present, but it is hard to find a tactful way to do it! personally, i don’t have any problems at all if somebody asked money instead of a gift from me; i was going to spend the money anyway and this way they get what they really want. plus, why are you giving them something anyway?  if it is because you want to be kind to them, then surely the kindest thing is to get them something they actually need AND want? In  my opinion, there’s no point buying presents just for the sake of it!

Post # 40
Member
2575 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I know this has been said- but there is no polite was to ask for money.

And those horrible poems that are kitschy and cute are worse than asking outright.. seriously, I vomit a little every time I read one.

Word of mouth is probably the only way. 

Post # 41
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think it’s rude to ask for money, I think it’s much more common than not these days. I did ask as lightly as possible by using the phrase “if you wish to give a gift”, and I referenced examples of things we want the money for so that people felt a connection to something aesthetic. 

Post # 42
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

If you ask for money people will be offended, no matter how many posters here say its okay. The word of mouth idea is the only quasi-good one, but it puts the parents in a bad position to have to ask for money for you. Some people will give money because that is what they do, but do not ever post it on your website or put in in an invite.

Post # 43
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i actually encountered several invitation well not directly asking for money instead of gifts but states that they prefers money and i don’t get offended with it. I’d rather give them something they will appreciate more rather than something that they don’t really need.

Post # 44
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee

I don’t think there is any good way to ask for $. For me, it doesn’t matter about the fact that “tradition” no longer should hold since couples are living together before marriage. I don’t like being told what to bring as a gift, period. 

Post # 45
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee

As for the poems in cards that jokingly asks for money, I neither find them cute nor amusing. It makes me kind of embarrassed for the couple, who obviously knows its crass to ask for money, but does it anyway.

Post # 46
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

word of mouth- lack of registry or (maybe better) a very small registry!  Just put like 10 items on a registry and people will take the hint.  You can write on your website that you’re “excited to remodel”, “start a life together”, “already have everything you need” etc and people usually understand.

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