(Closed) Is there a polite way to request just money?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I’m moving over seas after the wedding so we had no choice but to ask for money and no gifts. It’s expensive enough to move without adding more gifts to the pile. What I did was include a small note with the invitations informing guests we are moving and that if they want to congratulate us with a gift to consider a monotary one. I don’t care if they take offense I rather they don’t get me anything then add to the burden of moving.

Post # 48
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I dont understand what the big deal about asking for gifts is!! Honestly I think it is a cultural thing. I am Puerto Rican, and it is very common and often expected for the couple to just request or prefer cash gifts. I dont think it is rude at all, it just depends how sensitive your audience is. And only you know that.

Me personally I hate wedding registries and don’t never buy anything from them. This is because sometimes it seems like couples register just for the heck of it. And end up with a registry of things that they would either never buy themselves or that they would only use once a year.

Nowadays, most couples live together for a while (often years) before getting married, and in reality they dont need to register, but do it anyways just for the sake of tradition, I guess. 

Money is much more practical and convenient for both the guests and couple!

 

Post # 49
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Get one of those “Home Funds” (a version of a honeymoon fund that’s meant for the home, downpayments etc), and list that as your registry on the website. You still technically “registered” and you can give everything cute names etc. “Paint”, “moving boxes”… but you’re not all up in anyones’ business. List it in the registry section of the site and let it stand alone there, saying something like “We decided to register at HomeFund.com!” and leave it at that. 

 

http://www.downpaymentdreams.com/

Post # 50
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We each had our own houses before moving into one together, so we had 2 of everything before we got married.

We didn’t register and didn’t have a shower.

When people asked me if I was having a shower (they usually asked this question well before the issue of wedding gifts came up), I would “jokingly” say “we have two of everything. I only want a shower if I can GIVE AWAY something we have in storage to each guest!” That sentiment carried over to the wedding. People got the hint that we really didn’t want/need anything material and showed up with a bunch of envelopes! 

 

Post # 51
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

View original reply
@Kirsten4 Love the poem

Post # 52
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I dont think it is rude to ask for money either. People are so weird…. ooohhh thats rude. Its the same as the registry….. u are still getting something. You are asking for money instead… not demanding it. There is nothing wrong with it. I’d rather give money anyway—- at least I know it can go to something the couple REALLY CAN USE and needs….. people all bent out of shape about the money are over the top to me it doesn’t matter. I’d rather have something I can use. I am not DEMANDING anyone to do anything …… either way.

Post # 53
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@MuchGreater

I think what is rude about asking for cash is that it puts people in a situation where their gift can be markably measured. 

For instance, I hate giving my niece a gift card or cash as

A) I enjoy shopping for her gift

B) I am a very savy shopper and always try and get a great deal for something, or get something that is unique and one of a kind.

But the end of it is that the gift I get her, while it may not be expensive, is far more valuable had I just handed her it’s monentary amount in cash.

 

I don’t know if I’m right here but it was just my take on it.

 

My FI’s EX put “Cash will be accepted in lieu of gifts” right on their invites.  App. it’s okay to do that in Quebecois culture, but I still find it disgusting.

Post # 54
Member
14 posts
Newbee

Don’t mention gifts, monetary or otherwise, on your invitations or directly to your guests.  You could have a gift registry on your wedding website if you have one, or have the bridal party and family spread the word about your preference if people ask.   I would still have a gift registry though with a few items since some guests may not feel comfortable just giving cash. 

Post # 55
Member
2236 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

No matter what you do some people aren’t going to like it.  But if you really need cash that bad, you have to do what youhave to do…

Post # 56
Member
90 posts
Worker bee

@ Iguanatan.  I completely agree! We got an invite with one of those cutsy poems about having everything they need and just wanting something for their “wishing well” (moneybox).  I was horrified and went off about how rude it was.  My husband was confused as he thought they were simply telling us where they were registered (which I find rude as well).  When I explained they were asking for money, he was also horrified.  I don’t think there is a polite way to ask for money.  Word of mouth is very effective.  The poems to me seemed to be a cutsy way of doing something rude, like saying “Oops I tooted” when you let a loud one rip!

Post # 57
Member
2246 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think its best when others let the guest know. I think that is what my Mom is doing for me.

Post # 58
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think the “cutesy” poems are gross. I support not registering and using word of mouth. Never volunteer the request until somebody has specifically asked.

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