(Closed) Is there a polite way to say MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS?

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: Did you live together before marriage and if so, what happened?
    Yes, we ended up breaking up/ calling off the marriage : (1 votes)
    2 %
    Yes, we ended up pregnant (Yay babies!) : (0 votes)
    Yes, and we didn't break up or conceive (until after we got married) : (47 votes)
    82 %
    No : (9 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1304 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Sounds like you need a plan to pay for your own wedding.  That’s the price of independence!

    Post # 5
    Member
    1304 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @Chrysoberyl:  Well, then you just have to ignore and/or deflect anything they say about it.  If it really gets unbearable, then your SO should say something.  You shouldn’t say anything directly unless they REALLY REALLY REALLY cross a line.

    Post # 7
    Member
    9956 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Ya I get how this could rub you (ME) the wrong way…

    What you choose to do is NO ONE’s BUSINESS… but your own, so I think I’d be very TEMPTED to say…

    “Thank you for your opinion (ok that part might be sarcastic).  BUT ___ and I are adults and we’ve decided that this is how we’ll be living our life.  You don’t have to agree with it… but then again, it isn’t your life is it? “

    Ok maybe a tad catty…

    So if it makes for better relations (or a better comfort level for yourself) you can always throw in a bit about the Wedding etc.

    “Thank you for your opinion.  We are busy planning our Wedding for ___, BUT for now this is how ___ and I are living our lives as two adults.  You don’t have to agree with it… but it is what we have chosen to do”

    Hope this helps,

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    8115 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @This Time Round:  I agree but I also want to say that on the reverse side that his parents don’t have to like it and may decide to not fund your wedding or worse blame you for turning their good boy bad or even worse cut their son/you out of their lives (depending on how strongly they feel about this issue).

    I guess you and your FI have to decide what is worth more to you- living together or the money for your wedding.

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    1304 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @Chrysoberyl:  “They’re really not the type to do things like that. Like I said before, I highly doubt that they’ll really say anything to us, but I’m a people pleaser and I don’t want them to really dislike me because of something like this.”

    Well this is what you have to get over.  It’s great if everyone likes each other and gets along, but not at the cost of compromising your personal values and beliefs.  Moving in together is a decision you should make to please yourself, not your FILs.

    Post # 13
    Member
    9956 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    TO – Chrysoberyl:  lol, not surprised by Gramma’s reaction

    Wisdom comes with age.  Grammas tend to be very cool people (mine certainly was)

    Gramma has figured out that in the BIG SCHEME OF THINGS (life) that sex isn’t that big of a deal.

    I’ve said this before on WBee, the only folks who make a big deal out of virginity… are

    (a) Parents wanting their children to wait, somehow hoping that by doing so it’ll spare them any unnecessary pain or heartache (most often felt when things don’t go to plan… be it a pregnancy or the couple breaks up etc).

    As a Parent myself I can relate to this… because I don’t want to see my kids get hurt ever.  So although their bodies were capable of sex in their early teens, I did my bit to advise them that waiting until they were older and more mature emotionally would be the best choice for them for sure.

    (b) The couple themselves.  Virginity is a big deal to those who are giving it up… it does tend to be a life changing moment (just look at all the many posts here on Bee about it… How Old Were You – Where – Who – How – Why – When etc).  And certainly in North American culture in many ways portrayed as “THE coming of age” act.

    But in reality, it is just that one moment in time… in the bigger picture, be it that relationship, marriage, or years and years of LIFE… it doesn’t really add up to much overall (I am over 50… I like NEVER think about that small aspect of my life that happened some 35 years ago… no more than I think about my first day of Kindergarten)

    The sex you have to lose your Virginity happens once… the sex you go on to have the rest of your life happens well… 100s if not 1000s of times (lifetime average they say is 1x per week).  And hence why as we age, we tend to see sex as more of just another bodily function… like eating, sleep, etc.

    Lol, Gramma probably doesn’t see what all the fuss is about… because she can clearly see that you guys are the type who are making good decisions for yourselves (having that little bit of distance from you vs being a Parent does that for sure)… PLUS no doubt she LOVES you guys very very much and wants to see you happy.  Not to mention, at this point in her life she might be more than a little nostalgic about youth (and youthful love)

    Hope this helps,

     

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    1304 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @Chrysoberyl: “Yet nothing was ever said about his sister. Why does she get to bypass all of this stuff and I don’t? I’m not even the same faith as them! They never told her “don’t drink and smoke while you’re pregnant” but they’ll tell me “don’t move in with your SO of 6 years because you might make an irresponsible decision.”

    Don’t compare yourself to his sister.  I know it’s tempting, but it won’t get you anywhere.

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