(Closed) Is there a way to ask this? CAN I ask this?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
8992 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Personally I find it kind of rude to have signs like that at a wedding and for telling guests how they should experience/enjoy the moment they have in their lives (because by inviting them as guests you are including your wedding as a moment in their life). Some people live through photos and use them to capture memories and I think it is kind of rude to imply that they will not be fully in the moment or paying enough attention to your ceremony if they are taking photos. Also many people like to have photos of the ceremony they have been to and the only option with an unplugged wedding is to buy expensive prints from the photographer- not a very fair thing to do to guests inmy opinion since they are already spending money to attend your day.

I have also posted before on threads like this about a friend whose photographer had all their equipment stolen including the memory cards for his camera and the laptop he had downloaded them to. She had an unplugged wedding and was really uppity about it and now she has no pictures at all. A lot of of guests were kind of thats so bad to her face and serves you right behind her back.

Post # 33
Member
5072 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I guess I don’t understand the “fully present” argument.  I’m there.  I’m present.

Heck, I’m probably paying more attention than most people because I want great shots.  

Post # 35
Member
1509 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think asking your guests that is strange.  I can’t see that going across well.  I understand why you feel that way, but I think a lot of guests will ask, who does she think she is?!  They are attending your wedding to celebrate.  Celebrations entail pictures.  You can’t control people’s actions.

Post # 36
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee

I went to a wedding where the invitations (which were detailed and elaborate) had a section about Facebook and said not to post any photos there or on the internet. It also directed guests to a section of the couple’s wedding website where photos could be uploaded after the event. That could work for you too.

I will say, though, that I have never to this day seen any photos from that wedding except the ones of me. It’s a shame – I’d like to have the memories. We never got around to putting ours on the website and I can’t for the life of me remember its web address now.

Post # 37
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@sara_tiara  this actually happens a bit where i am from, there is a particular photographer in the area who doesn’t like people to post photos of the bride and groom untill they have released thier photos (they do still let people take them though). Maybe you could ask the photographer to run with this idea and actually get them to annouce it to everyone? I was at a wedding where this happended and the photgraphers actually passed out a card with the link to thier blog so everyone could hop online and see the pics

I definately know where you are coming from you  invest all this money in a photographer to get the best shots- so naturally these are the ones you want people to look at!

Post # 38
Member
7605 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I didn’t read the responses, and I’m sure a lot of people are telling you that it’s rude and weird to ask, and that you can’t do anything about it if people want to post photos.

Our officiant made an announcement at the beginning of our ceremony, before anyone walked down the aisle.  He asked that people not take photos during the ceremony (since they are distracting and very often interfere with the pro photographers pics) and he also let people know that we requested they not post photos to facebook or other social media.

No one had a problem with it and EVERYONE respected it.

We had a small wedding for a reason and I did NOT want a literal play-by-play of photos posted for the world to see.  I’ve been at home on Saturdays and seen actual moment-by-moment posts of an acquaintance walking down the aisle, getting married, and walking back up it.  That isn’t for me – those moments were private and only to be shared with our nearest and dearest.

We didn’t include anything in our programs or have any signs, just the one announcement and it worked out great.  WE were the first to see our wedding photos, not strangers on the internet.

A lot of people sent us their photos (from the reception) after the wedding and we were able to share many of them in an album where we could control the privacy settings.  I might sound like a control freak here, but it actually felt pretty natural and casual.  Ten years ago, you shared your wedding photos with just your friends and families and it was nice. 🙂

Post # 39
Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I really don’t think it’s rude at all. I would go with a sign like people have posted or an announcement by your officiant, or both. 

We are asking our officiant to make an announcement at the very beginning of the ceremony to remind people to put their phones and cameras away.

I went back and forth on this and the last wedding I was in totally confirmed that this was the right decision. There were 3 or more people (3 that I could see) walking around the church taking photos, going up behind the priest, behind the altar and just plain bringing attention to themselves. It was so ridiculous!! They were not professionals, they were just random family members taking photos! Personally, I would find that so distracting that I would probably ask the officiant quietly (during the ceremony) to ask them to sit their ass down. 

Luckily for us our photographer provides a gallery for our guests where they can purchase directly from him or they can download and send the photos to print elsewhere. 

 

Post # 40
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Make sure mobody can tag you and then your family wont see the photos on Facebook. Simple as that.

You can ask people not to take photos during the ceremony, but not reception IMO.

Post # 41
Member
8992 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@sara_tiara:  I get that but do you seriously want your relatives/friends that can’t be there to wait weeks or possibly months to see a pic of your wedding whilst you wait for professional shots? Is that really fair on them? I am sure they want to see your wedding more than anyone else because they can’t make it. What is the motivation behind having them see only the pro-pics?

Post # 42
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I wouldn’t mind people taking photos, but I really don’t want them using cellphones.  I also don’t want people posting photos from my wedding before I have the chance to do so.  After I became engaged, my sister took a pic of my ring, and posted it with the news before I had a chance to do so.  With FB so accessible, people think it gives them the right to do things like this. 

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