Post # 1
Yes, I mean that title.
We’re on the budget route, and I keep hearing that guests expect to ‘get their money’s worth’ out of the meal. I don’t care AT ALL about getting ‘stuff’ from people. I’m not looking to make money off my wedding ~ I just want people to be able to celebrate with me on one of the happiest days of my life!
Since I don’t think it’s fair for me to give people a $10 meal if they’re going to buy me a $50 piece of kitchenware, when I already have a completely stocked kitchen (and so does J; we’re already consolidating – why do we need MORE!?), is there a polite and SINCERE way to just tell people not to bother with the gifts?
Post # 3
I think people like to give gifts, but there are alternatives to traditional registries if you don’t want more stuff. You could do a honeymoon registry, register at a specialty store (like a camping store or home improvement store), or set up a couple charities people can donate to in your name.
ETA: Even if you put something in you invitiations to discourage gift-giving, a lot of people don’t feel comfortable showing up to a wedding empty-handed. In that case, I think it would be better to register for low-cost items because people will bring gifts, whether you want them or not. by registering, though, you can mostly avoid the “We spent $50 on a gift for a $10 meal” talk.
Post # 4
FYI – I want to let you know that not everyone feels that way, I just know many that do. I’m sorry if I made you feel bad! Sometimes I feel the opposite; am I giving enough money to this person considering how much they spent for me to be here? Is the bride/groom going to think I’m cheap giving them this gift?
Post # 5
People do like giving gifts. Have you considered saying something like in lieu of gifts, please make a donation to xyz charity that is important to the bride and groom?
Post # 6
We had a potluck reception and I told everyone to bring food in lieu of gifts—and we still got gifts! If someone is set on giving you something, I don’t think there’s much you can do or say. The honeymoon registry is a good idea as well as the charity idea, that way you’re not getting things you don’t need.
Post # 7
“We feel like the greatest gift you could give us is your presence at your wedding. Daydream and J have lived together for several years now and already have all the various and oddball household items that any couple needs.
However if you do feel like giving a gift please consider giving to XYZ charity/we’d gratefully accept any donations for our honeymoon/to build a jacuzzi/buy a new home to start our married life”.
As the Bee’s said before me, people do love giving gifts. But if you give them the option of sending you to Aruba (let’s say) for 2 weeks they’ll be just as excited. Some honeymoon registries (I’m going with this route so I did a bunch of research) even let you divide up the honeymoon into a registry like format. Like;
$20 for J to go rockclimbing for an afternoon
$40 for Daydream to go to a spa treatment
$60 x2 for dinner at La Fabulous Restaurant
Etc, etc etc.
Post # 8
@LittleMissMoo – are we friends in real life? how’d you know J is a climber and I’m a sucker for spas? 😉
Okay. Thanks Ladies… I’ll look into Honeymoon registries; I’m hesitant of them, because I’ve heard so much negative feedback about them! Plus we’re postponing our Honeymoon until J can get time off (he teaches) so … hopefully it’ll still be an available option for us. The deal with registries is that if I’m going to get more house stuff, I’d rather upgrade than down grade – like, I’d rather register with Pampered Chef than Target, you know? Otherwise it’s a waste for everyone!