(Closed) Is there a way to word this? (B List question)

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

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xstitchbride425:  We ended up inviting some people last min for 2 reasons. 1) We had some declines and there was space on the list 2) We didn’t know the people when we made the guest list but wanted them there.

It worked out fine and no one was offended. They can’t be mad, you didn’t even know them before! If they’re close friends and you want them there just tell them the situation, or say ‘sorry the invite is so late, but we didn’t know each other when the guest list was made, but I really want you to come if you’re able to’. If I was invited to a last min wedding, I wouldn’t be offended I would be happy and excited to go (if I could).

Post # 3
11519 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

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xstitchbride425:  Personally, I think that if your declines come in well in advance of the wedding there’s nothing wrong with hand delivering invites to your coworkers and not mentioning they’re late additions. 

If you’re thinking about inviting people 2 weeks before, that gets tricky.  I’ll admit, I did it – I pretended an invite got lost in the mail (which actually did happen to 2 of them, just not the person we last minute added) – I sent her a text following up on the RSVP I never got (because she wouldn’t have had one to send).  It wasn’t my finest moment but she came and I was super happy she did.


Post # 4
11500 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

As Miss Manners says, having a B List isn’t a crime, but letting someone know he or she is on it is.

However, I will add to that thought the fact that I think it is PERFECTLY FINE for you to do what you would like to do, since all of these new co-workers would never have expected to have been included on your original guest list.

I would be completely up front with them and say something along the line of what you’ve expained to us: “As you know, Fiance and I planned our wedding long before I began this job and had the wonderful opportunity to get to know you! Well, as it turns out, some of our extended family members are unable to attend, and we would love it  if you would be able to celebrate with us!”  You can even let these individuals know that you realize that this is very short notice, and you would completely understand if the person or couple already has plans but that you would be delighted if he/she/they is/are able to join you.

I, for one, would feel honored to receive an invitation such as this, even a few weeks before the wedding.  If I already had plans for that day, I would decline.  However, if I didn’t, I likely would be very happy to attend!

ETA:  We had a B list, and there were friends from church who did know they were added due to declines from our extended family members. They were thrilled to receive invitations! After all, anyone who has other plans or does not wish to attend is free to decline without any explanation.

Post # 5
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If you can give your coworkers the invites 2 weeks before your RSVP deadline, I would.  

Otherwise, just skip it.  Nobody will be offended.  People understand you have budget constraints and venue maximums and that obviously, you have to invite family first.  

(I’d also contact your venue.  They might say “limit of 100” because they don’t want you to invite 150, but they might be able to legally squeeze in 105.  No harm in asking.) 

Post # 6
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Redondo Beach Historic Library

I have a B-list, but my wedding is located across the country from where I currently live (and where my B-listers live.) At what point is it too late to invite them? We are 3 months out from our wedding date and just sent out invitations last week, so I’m afraid we’ll get the responses too late to invite any coworkers or grad school friends 🙁

Post # 7
15 posts

A coworker of mine invited me and a few other coworker friends to her wedding that took place about 6 months after she started working at the company. The RSVP by date on the card was very close to when she gave us the invitations — we were obviously b-list even though she didn’t say so. 

I didn’t mind at all: it made sense that we weren’t in her original plans, and it made me really happy to know that she wanted me there once she was able to find the room. 

Post # 8
7893 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Your reasoning about not having the new coworkers on your first list makes sense. I think people will understand. If you have a good number of declines now, you could just give the invitations to your coworkers with the RSVPs. If you give the invitations too close to the RSVP deadline or after that deadline, you could just give the invitations without the RSVPs and tell them that they can just tell you at work if they will attend. 

Post # 9
3031 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

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winterxrose:  2 or 3 weeks? I think they’d understand if you explain to them that you had to invite family first but most of them live far away, so you expect many to decline.

Post # 10
48 posts
  • Wedding: June 2015

Because you originally made your guest list before you meet them, I see absolutely nothing wrong with them being B list!  They should definitely understand and I’m sure they will be thrilled you added them.  I honestly don’t get when people are so concerned about guests knowing they were B list either.  I’ve been on the B list at weddings, and always been very excited that they extended an invitation to me!  People have space or budget restrictions, I don’t see anything wrong with adding more people when others decline.  Obviously you want them there, otherwise you wouldn’t have added them.

Post # 11
1219 posts
Bumble bee

My daughter had two sets of RSVP cards with different dates.  B list invites were an all or nothing invite, meaning, all of the B list were divided by friend groups so none was invited earlier than the rest in their group. As she had enough declines to cover that particular group, they would go out at the same time. She didn’t do this with anyone that overlapped two different groups.  And it wasn’t a whole lot of people, just about a dozen that she wanted there but could not invite due to extended family invites. No one knew they were on the B list. And she got to have more friends there in the end with no family drama.

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