Is there an acceptable time to propose during wedding weekend?

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
4244 posts
Honey bee

Wait, so you get a whole weekend now? I thought weddings were only one day :/

I feel ripped off.

Post # 3
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

I think etiquette only dictates: Not during the wedding. I don’t think it would necessarily be a good look for him to do it during the weekend, but there’s nothing inherently wrong about it either. You are entitled to feel however you feel but I don’t think you get dibs on the whole three days. His prior marriage and kids are irrelevant.

Post # 4
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think you are being a bridezilla. It’s rude to propose at someone else’s wedding, as well as rude to propose that weekend so he can “celebrate with all of our family after so that way we can celebrate his engagement with our wedding.” It’s your wedding, not his engagement party! 

The only time proposals at a wedding / wedding weekend are okay are if the bride and groom are super supportive of the idea or thought it it themselves.

At the very least, he’d need to propose Sunday after the wedding, so that it in zero way interferes with your wedding. 

Post # 5
Member
333 posts
Helper bee

I think your cousin should wait until after the wedding.  That is just being selfish and drawing attention from your day.  

Post # 6
Member
2976 posts
Sugar bee

As long as it’s not during your ceremony, or reception, I don’t see the problem.

It’s a weekend with family celebrating love – why is more love a bad thing? If anything, I would be talking to my cousin and finding a special time to do it – so 1) I know when to expect it and 2) I can be included in the process of making it special and perhaps influencing that it happen on Sunday.

Sunday morning seems like a great time, then the whole fam has brunch together celebrating even more love! 

You get a day Bee. No one celebrates the “10 year anniversary of our rehearsal dinner,” or “15 years since our wedding brunch!”

 

Post # 7
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee

kgr9 :   ClaudiaKishi :  but it sounds like he’s planning to use her wedding as an engagement party…  that’s the issue for me. She may only get one day, but it’s her wedding and not his celebration. 

Post # 8
Member
7772 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It’s for sure tactless AF, but I wouldn’t say anything. Vent about it on the bee or with a trusted close friend, but don’t say a word to your cousin. He is the one that will look bad here…to everyone. I would try to find humor in the absurdity of the situation and not let it drag your day down! 

Post # 9
Member
4258 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

Any time AFTER your wedding is fine, imo.

Post # 10
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

gingerbee1234 :  100% agree with you here. The whole “lets celebrate YOUR wedding with MY engagement” rubs me the wrong way. It sounds like he’s making it about him, not the married couple.

I get that the couple gets one day, but I think the celebration can continue to the next day with brunch, or other events like gift opening, bbqs, etc. Either way, I believe that time is, and should be, focused around the couple. In the weddings I’ve been to, I found the celebration continues to the next day, and I’d think it would be tacky and tasteless if I seen someone propose during that time.

Post # 11
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

tiffanybruiser :  Agree with this. Just let him look ridiculous. Just because he wants to turn this into his engagement party doesn’t mean he’ll be successful in doing so. Further, I can’t imagine the Girlfriend would be thrilled about the timing either.

But even so, I can’t imagine any good would come of OP saying anything beyond “Not at the wedding, please.”

Post # 12
Member
8 posts
Newbee

I don’t know I would be pretty upset with this. If it was me I would hope they would at least wait till Sunday and not propose the night before the wedding or day of. It would also be different if your paying/ providing any entertainment or meals on Sunday. The last wedding I went to out of town the bride and groom paid for brunch on Sunday for everyone who stayed the weekend. It was generous of them and i would feel like anyone who proposed then would have still intruded on their day. Either way, I think everyone would think it’s strange if they proposed over the same weekend. 

Post # 13
Member
3882 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Maybe etiquette technically only dictates ‘not during the wedding’, but the wedding weekend is pretty borderline to me. I think it depends a lot on attitude – if he just really wanted to propose in such a beautiful place and tried to keep it separate from your wedding it could be nice, but it sounds like he’s doing it because you’ve conveniently got all the family together for him and he can turn it into an engagement party, which is a bit icky of him. If he must do it that weekend I think he could at least wait until Sunday. 

However, if it happens it happens, so you’ll have to be prepared to not be mad about it! The engagement will just be a side thing that happens, your wedding is always going to be the main event. People will know why they are there. 

Post # 14
Member
880 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

I would not be thrilled but would at least prefer if it happened after my wedding.  If he’s expecting to also celebrate his engagement during the wedding that is pretty tacky to me.  IMO if it happens after the formal, scheduled events for the wedding (including day after activities, if you’re having them) that’s one thing but celebrating it at your wedding, if only informally is terrible.

Post # 15
Member
8861 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

therollingclones :  “Does etiquette only dictate to not propose during the wedding but the time before and after is okay?” — Yes, exactly. To you it’s your “wedding weekend”. To everyone else it’s “normal Friday, RollingClone’s wedding day, normal Sunday.”

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