(Closed) Is there an acceptable time to propose during wedding weekend?

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 16
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I would not be happy if my cousin or sibling planned a big proposal at my wedding. Especially without talking to me first… a wedding takes a lot of planning and so does an engagement, he should plan his own special time — or propose to his gf with the scenery and family he wants but don’t let it over take your big day or force you to share!

My sister just had her wedding this weekend and between the arrival on Friday, the ceremony, photos & dinner on Saturday and family brunch the next day we all barely had time to think about anything else! Yes her wedding was just one day but it wasn’t like the day before or after we all just forgot about it and weren’t still blissful and totally focused on the happy couple! My boyfriend and I planned to get engaged in September but waited 2 months so that our engagement wouldn’t take away their spotlight!

Post # 18
Member
1522 posts
Bumble bee

How tacky and disrespectful. I would be pissed too for you AND for his gf.

If he’s planning to use your wedding celebrations as a duo engagement party, that’s where I’d draw the line and speak up and say absolutely not. Nobody would get a party on my dime in such an instance.

If he’s planning to propose privately and then perhaps announce it after your wedding day, then ok, it’s not as big a deal and you will likely not care by that point bc you’re married. As a guest, I’d side-eye the shit out of him though. 

 

Post # 19
Member
3802 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Maybe your mum could tell him it’s not cool to try and tag his event onto your wedding? And his gf might even be embarrassed?

Post # 20
Member
14144 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I agree in principle with the ” you only get a day” philosophy but don’t think it’s meant to be taken quite so literally. Unless you were totally on board with it, i.e. it was your idea, this is just incredibly inconsiderate. You or your family are the ones hosting these events, and IMO that includes the day after in this instance. 

There is no reason it has to happen in front of a captive audience of your guests, people who are there to celebrate your wedding, and a celebratory Sunday brunch. 

It sounds like they mentioned this to your mother so as not to totally blindside or back you into a corner. I would rarely suggest this, but if you are uncomfortable with the timing, have your mother nicely request that he find another occasion or keep it private.

Post # 21
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee

Can your mom convince him to propose on Sunday morning? The scenery will be beautiful and your wedding will set a romantic vibe. Then after the wedding is over, he can have a slice of the spotlight. 

Post # 22
Member
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

If I were his Girlfriend I would be mortified by this (if he proposed on a trip for someone else’s wedding… I think I’d prefer him to do something just for us??) But maybe that’s just me..? To each their own.

if I were you, I’d just not say anything and let him do it if that’s what he wants to do… it won’t really take away from your day/weekend… you’ll have plenty going on!

Post # 23
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee

I changed my mind. maybe someone can recommend he propose at a holiday or something you’re not paying for. If family is his only concern then why does he need to propose on your wedding weekend? This is the best option but if he’s hell bent on proposing your wedding then I’d recommend as late as possible on Sunday. 

Post # 24
Member
1209 posts
Bumble bee

Wouldn’t it suck for him if someone sent him and his gf an email asking them to not use your wedding weekend as their engagement party… Whoops, sorry I spoiled the surprise!

I am joking (kinda) but I find this very annoying. I don’t think OP is being unreasonable at all here. It’s not like it is his birthday or some other event that must fall on that weekend.  If you were not having your wedding that weekend, he’d find some other time to propose.  He is deliberately using your wedding, when you have conveniently assembled everyone he’d like at his engagement party, as his big moment, which is inconsiderate and frankly tacky.  I mean, he could even propose some other time and let the news spill during the weekend: why does it have to be at the wedding location, during the festivities?  You did not spend all that time planning so you can celebrate his engagement.

I wouldn’t say anything directly but I’d let your mother know in no uncertain terms that you do not appreciate his thunder stealing.

Post # 25
Member
2119 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
weddingmaven :  Totally agree, a bit like the ‘no pay, no say’ concept – it isn’t law and it allows for wriggle room. 

OP I would ask your mum to say something, and if he doesn’t listen to her I would say something directly. I’d be pissed, especially since it is such a small group. 

Post # 26
Member
228 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
therollingclones: your cousin is wrong for using your wedding as a platform to propose. I think you should have your mom tell him that it’s not the place or the time. He needs to respect your feelings and if your are not on Board with this he needs to know. It will only lead to future resentment. I would be upset if my cousin tried to do this at my wedding. 

Post # 27
Member
7600 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Honestly there will still be plenty of attention on you, no matter when your cousin proposes to his girlfriend. As long as it’s not during your wedding or reception, it’s not going to detract from you. There’s plenty of spotlight to go around.

Post # 28
Member
7980 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think as long as its the sunday it is ok. Its no longer your wedding, and they can still use the beautiful mountain backdrop for a memorable engagement.

Post # 29
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

No.  That’s rude.  It’s your weekend.  You’ve planned and paid for this event.  

Post # 30
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
therollingclones :  Op you don’t feel comfortable of planning and paying lot of money for activities and food for your guests for your wedding AND SOMEONE ELSE ENGAGEMENT PARTY. I know a lot of bees say you only get a day and it don’t matter but this is on your dime. Why would all your family and friends care to witness that your cousin is getting engaged? They don’t need to be there for him to propose. 

tell him that you would prefer not to, but if he really want to, he can propose on Sunday but he will have to share half the cost of your bills for that day since you are having 2 parties. Sent him an approximation of the bill. Fair is fair.

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