Post # 16
I would not be happy if my cousin or sibling planned a big proposal at my wedding. Especially without talking to me first… a wedding takes a lot of planning and so does an engagement, he should plan his own special time — or propose to his gf with the scenery and family he wants but don’t let it over take your big day or force you to share!
My sister just had her wedding this weekend and between the arrival on Friday, the ceremony, photos & dinner on Saturday and family brunch the next day we all barely had time to think about anything else! Yes her wedding was just one day but it wasn’t like the day before or after we all just forgot about it and weren’t still blissful and totally focused on the happy couple! My boyfriend and I planned to get engaged in September but waited 2 months so that our engagement wouldn’t take away their spotlight!
Post # 17
To clarify, yes we are paying for brunch on Sunday with some day after activities-we’re in the mountains, might as well take advantage! We’ve also paid for the hotel for those who had to fly in, which is most of our guests. Guest list is in the 20 person range, so it’s an intimate wedding.
That is my biggest issue here- the whole proposal thing I’m not really excited about, but it would be fine had he not wanted to make our wedding into his engagement party considering he’s paying for absolutely nothing.
Post # 18
How tacky and disrespectful. I would be pissed too for you AND for his gf.
If he’s planning to use your wedding celebrations as a duo engagement party, that’s where I’d draw the line and speak up and say absolutely not. Nobody would get a party on my dime in such an instance.
If he’s planning to propose privately and then perhaps announce it after your wedding day, then ok, it’s not as big a deal and you will likely not care by that point bc you’re married. As a guest, I’d side-eye the shit out of him though.
Post # 19
Maybe your mum could tell him it’s not cool to try and tag his event onto your wedding? And his gf might even be embarrassed?
Post # 20
I agree in principle with the ” you only get a day” philosophy but don’t think it’s meant to be taken quite so literally. Unless you were totally on board with it, i.e. it was your idea, this is just incredibly inconsiderate. You or your family are the ones hosting these events, and IMO that includes the day after in this instance.
There is no reason it has to happen in front of a captive audience of your guests, people who are there to celebrate your wedding, and a celebratory Sunday brunch.
It sounds like they mentioned this to your mother so as not to totally blindside or back you into a corner. I would rarely suggest this, but if you are uncomfortable with the timing, have your mother nicely request that he find another occasion or keep it private.
Post # 21
Can your mom convince him to propose on Sunday morning? The scenery will be beautiful and your wedding will set a romantic vibe. Then after the wedding is over, he can have a slice of the spotlight.
Post # 22
If I were his Girlfriend I would be mortified by this (if he proposed on a trip for someone else’s wedding… I think I’d prefer him to do something just for us??) But maybe that’s just me..? To each their own.
if I were you, I’d just not say anything and let him do it if that’s what he wants to do… it won’t really take away from your day/weekend… you’ll have plenty going on!
Post # 23
I changed my mind. maybe someone can recommend he propose at a holiday or something you’re not paying for. If family is his only concern then why does he need to propose on your wedding weekend? This is the best option but if he’s hell bent on proposing your wedding then I’d recommend as late as possible on Sunday.
Post # 24
Wouldn’t it suck for him if someone sent him and his gf an email asking them to not use your wedding weekend as their engagement party… Whoops, sorry I spoiled the surprise!
I am joking (kinda) but I find this very annoying. I don’t think OP is being unreasonable at all here. It’s not like it is his birthday or some other event that must fall on that weekend. If you were not having your wedding that weekend, he’d find some other time to propose. He is deliberately using your wedding, when you have conveniently assembled everyone he’d like at his engagement party, as his big moment, which is inconsiderate and frankly tacky. I mean, he could even propose some other time and let the news spill during the weekend: why does it have to be at the wedding location, during the festivities? You did not spend all that time planning so you can celebrate his engagement.
I wouldn’t say anything directly but I’d let your mother know in no uncertain terms that you do not appreciate his thunder stealing.
Post # 25
Totally agree, a bit like the ‘no pay, no say’ concept – it isn’t law and it allows for wriggle room.
OP I would ask your mum to say something, and if he doesn’t listen to her I would say something directly. I’d be pissed, especially since it is such a small group.
Post # 26
: your cousin is wrong for using your wedding as a platform to propose. I think you should have your mom tell him that it’s not the place or the time. He needs to respect your feelings and if your are not on Board with this he needs to know. It will only lead to future resentment. I would be upset if my cousin tried to do this at my wedding.
Post # 27
Honestly there will still be plenty of attention on you, no matter when your cousin proposes to his girlfriend. As long as it’s not during your wedding or reception, it’s not going to detract from you. There’s plenty of spotlight to go around.
Post # 28
I think as long as its the sunday it is ok. Its no longer your wedding, and they can still use the beautiful mountain backdrop for a memorable engagement.
Post # 29
No. That’s rude. It’s your weekend. You’ve planned and paid for this event.
Post # 30
Op you don’t feel comfortable of planning and paying lot of money for activities and food for your guests for your wedding AND SOMEONE ELSE ENGAGEMENT PARTY. I know a lot of bees say you only get a day and it don’t matter but this is on your dime. Why would all your family and friends care to witness that your cousin is getting engaged? They don’t need to be there for him to propose.
tell him that you would prefer not to, but if he really want to, he can propose on Sunday but he will have to share half the cost of your bills for that day since you are having 2 parties. Sent him an approximation of the bill. Fair is fair.