(Closed) Is there an acceptable time to propose during wedding weekend?

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 31
Member
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I wouldn’t like this at all and it is in poor taste IMO.

Post # 32
Member
1823 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

If its you asking:  You can’t really complain if he doesn’t do it during your actual wedding.  I would personally be annoyed if he proposed just before the wedding and then used the wedding to announce it though.  But I think you would be obligated to not say anything.

If it was him asking: I would tell hin this is a dick move, and at the very least he should wait until the wedding and brunch are over.  If he must propose before, they should keep it to themselves until after the wedding.  Best option would be to pick a different time altogether though.

Post # 33
Member
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

I’d be furious if he proposed Friday or Saturday (particularly if it was at the wedding) but I’d be OK with Sunday – you’ll be in such a bubble of newlywed bliss by then you won’t care.  And using your wedding as his engagement party is a HUGE no.

Post # 34
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Even if you get one day, you are still the hostess of all the events you host. So even if your wedding claim is “expired” he is hijacking an event you are paying for in an attempt to turn it into his event. This is not ok. 

Post # 35
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

One of our wedding guests got engaged on our wedding day lol. Their “announcement photo” was taken from the photobooth at our reception. They didn’t make a scene or steal our spotlight at the wedding but I have to admit I felt weird about it seeing it all over social media heh. Honestly bee, in your situation I’d feel super uncomfortable too. I’d probably tell your cousin how you feel, but ultimately leave the decision to him. Maybe suggest he do it -after- your wedding day?

Post # 36
Member
6176 posts
Bee Keeper

I know you technically onlyget a day but it sounds like your cousin is trying to double up celebrating. That is tacky and rude af. It also sounds like he wants to celebrate at your reception? Maybe a way around this is to see if he can propose the day after? 

Post # 38
Member
747 posts
Busy bee

You may only get ‘one day’ but this is a dick move from your cousin.

He’s openly saying his reason for proposing is to hijack your intimate 20 person reception or post wedding brunch that you’re paying for so he doesn’t have to bother sorting out his own celebration.

And with only 20 people there, it’s not like his celebrating can be discreet or not detract from your joy.

 

Post # 39
Member
2119 posts
Buzzing bee

I never understand why people can’t sort their own shit out. 365 days in a year, plan your own event and propose then 🙄

Post # 40
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

You’ve put thousands of dollars and countless effort into your wedding and he wants to just swoop in and turn it into his engagement party? Tell him to get stuffed… but I have a feeling he might not listen to you and do it anyway, maybe you should consider completely uninviting him.

Post # 41
Member
7578 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly, no, I don’t think it’s appropriate to propose during someone’s wedding weekend with the intention of being able to piggyback on someone else’s celebration. The reason I don’t think it’s appropriate is that I can’t fathom a time during the weekend that wouldn’t be taking away from the married couple. Proposing on a Friday means that you’re either sharing the news that night, and thus making it a topic of conversation at the wedding the following day OR announcing at the wedding. Neither is appropriate. Proposing on the wedding day isn’t the way to go either. That basically leaves proposing on Sunday morning to celebrate before anyone leaves town.

I just think it’s shitty all the way around. Plenty of people get engaged and don’t’ have to be surrounded by their entire families in order to celebrate.

Post # 42
Member
15513 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

As long as he doesnt propose AT the wedding, I don’t see the problem. No one is going to turn a wedding into an engagement party.  The people that he wants to know is just going to happen to be there in one place and will find out in person, which is kind of nice.  But I highly doubt that people are going to sit at your wedding and ‘celebrate’ his engagement.  They will contgratulate him, and then move back on to the reson they are there – your wedding.

We (from MA) got engaged in May, and Mother-In-Law (fromTX) threw an egagement party for us in Sept (in FL) where they have extended family and childhood friends.  SIL (also TX) came back from vacation (in Europe) straight to FL Sept engaged.  Also the first time seeing everyone as she just got engaged the week before.  By your theory, “my” engagement party would have been a double engagement party and become all about her too, whcih frankly I woudln’t have cared cause I don’t believe in this spotlitght busniess.  But anyways, no.  People gave her a quick congrats and moved on.  It wasn’t allll about her too.  Mother-In-Law even commented afterwards that she was afraid it would turn into a double engagement party, but was glad there wasn’t much talk about her engagement and plans. 

Long story short — People are fully capable of celebrating the event they came for regardless of other good news.

Post # 43
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Farm

therollingclones :  I understand that it totally sucks for him to do it the weekend of your wedding.  Is it possible for him to do it after brunch on Sunday or maybe if he can stay another night and propose with maybe just the two of them. If that’s an option maybe he could pay for the additional night to propose on Monday morning before they leave so that it doesn’t take away from what you have planned.

Post # 44
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
gingerbee1234 :  Absolutely agree with both of your posts. 

I would have been fully supportive of anyone getting engaged/ announcing their engagement/pregnancy/graduation etc at my wedding. In fact DH and I bought a second cake and had everyone sing Happy Birthday to family members with nearish birthdays, our families are scattered around the globe and it was the first time in 4 years everyone was together at once. BUT this was our choice, no-one imposed on us or was as presumptuous as OP’s cousin. Plus, DH and I have both been married before and it was more like a big party than a formal wedding. 

I would NOT be fine with what OP describes. Her cousin has some bloody nerve saying now they can celebrate both events…..ummm, yeah, except that OP is paying thousands of dollars hosting an entire weekend in the mountains and has spent untold hours planning all of this- and then Entitled AF Cousin feels he can swoop in and make it HIS celebration as well? 

Also, as another Bee mentions, as the girlfriend of the cousin I would feel so awkward and embarrassed, wondering if the bride was truly okay with all this, if it was appropriate etc…..the cousin is also putting his would-be fiance in a terribly awkward position IMO. 

FYI- the old adage ‘you only get one day’…..OP’s hosting an entire mountain-retreat weekend for her guests, surely her insufferable cousin can give her 3 days, that still leaves him another 362 out of the year rather than trying to hold his engagement party on her dime. 

Post # 45
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Not appropriate. Not even a little bit. I agree with a PP who said if I were the girlfriend, I’d be mortified. I’d maybe be on his side if he was proposing on Sunday and you weren’t hosting a brunch and other activities that YOU paid for that he could piggyback off of, but since he’s openly admitting to basically using your wedding as an engagement party…yeah no. That just sounds tacky af to me.

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