(Closed) Is there an acceptable time to propose during wedding weekend?

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 46
Member
6496 posts
Bee Keeper

As PPs have said this is in poor taste for a number of reasons:

1) His girlfriend is likely to be embarrassed

2) Your are hosting and paying for the entire weekend, not just the wedding on the Saturday

3) It is a very small wedding

4) He has openly admitted he plans to basically use your event as his own engagement party

If this was a big wedding, and you were only covering the costs of the ceremony and reception and not accommodation/brunch/activities etc then I wouldn’t see an issue with him proposing on the Sunday (but would side-eye a Friday proposal and a proposal on the day-of is always a big fat ‘no’); but that isn’t the case, so this is just so so rude.

If you say something (and honestly I think I would) I would say that as you are hosting the whole weekend you do think it would be inappropriate, and would be concerned that his girlfriend might find the whole thing extremely embarrassing.

Post # 47
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee

He can propose during the sunday brunch. Let him share in te cost of the brunch if he wants to make it their engagement event too:):):)

Post # 48
Member
2170 posts
Buzzing bee

You are being a bridezilla. Get over this, you don’t own the whole weekend nor can you dictate what every person does during this weekend. Why not get over yourself and realize that this makes perfect sense for him to propose for the exact reason he said (family will already be together)? Why get upset over someone “stealing your weekend” when they aren’t. Why not be happy for them? Why not enjoy celebrating love with your family? 

Post # 49
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - Canvas Event Space

Tell him to take a hike… on Sunday afternoon after brunch and do it then. 

I think it’s okay for proposals at destinations (vacations are a great time to get engaged!), but it should definitely always be after the wedding imo. Especially in this case, where he’s openly decided he’s going to be celebrating with your family at your wedding. He should be discussing this and ASKING you about it directly… not TELLING your mom. 

I would not be okay with someone taking this upon themselves without talking to me first. It’s definitely rude.

Post # 50
Member
10275 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’d send him an email saying “I heard you want to use our wedding weekend to propose. Since you think that weekend should be about you to, I figured you’d want to split the cost so I’ll send you half the bill”

What he is planning is rude AF. 

Post # 51
Member
6496 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
babygrandmabee :  so if you had shlled out thousands of dollars to host your very closest friends and family (just 20 people) for a whole weekend you would be absolutely fine with someone telling you, not asking you, that not only did they plan to propose, but they planned to use events YOU had paid for as their celebration party? Yeah sorry I don’t buy that.

Like I said: big big difference between someone proposing the day after a conventional wedding (where the couple have only paid for the wedding itself and not also covered accommodations, food and activities for the duration) for a larger group, and proposing in these specific circumstances. Even if you would be fine with it, it isn’t wrong that OP isn’t as the vast majority of people would not be.

Post # 52
Member
4839 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think that’s rude personally. Even if it’s after your day… like really? 

Post # 53
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee

I think it’s incredibly rude. You are basically doing all the planning for his proposal. If he wanted it to be really special, he wouldn’t piggyback off your wedding. Sounds lazy and if my fiance proposed because of someone else’s event, I wouldn’t be too thrilled.

Post # 54
Member
2170 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
barbie86 :  I would hope to be a bigger person than causing family issues/strain over money. The big picture is what matters, people coming together to celebrate love, a couple getting married and another starting their journey. Should he have done his own thing? Maybe, but two wrongs don’t make a right. And I actually understand his reasoning. 

OP, think about this in 5-10 yrs. Are you still gonna be mad about his choice to propose? Are you still going to care that he “stole your weekend”? Will you be satisfied being mad about this 10yrs down the road? Or will you have wished you let it go and celebrated happiness with your family? 

Post # 55
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee

Hate to tell you this, but you get one day.

This is the risk with a destination wedding that brings in family.  Even though you’re paying for it, and feel like the weekend focus should be on you, the reality is you have one wedding day, that’s it.

Post # 56
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

The argument by people on the cousin’s side is that it’s not her wedding day. That’s not the problem. If I host a graduation party for my child twenty years from now, pay for everything, pay to have people flown in (which would be odd, but if they’re down and I’m paying 🤷‍♀️) and someone decides to make that event about their engagement I’m gonna be pissed. Telling me that it’s not my wedding and my wedding was one day is irrelevant. The reason it’s a problem isn’t that it’s my wedding- it’s clearly not me my wedding. The problem is someone trying to get me to pay for and plan their engagement party by hijacking MY event. 

Anyone is free to propose on any day they wish. They are not free to do it or announce it at someone else’s event, be that event a wedding, graduation, baby shower, or dinner. 

Post # 57
Member
7422 posts
Busy Beekeeper

So to all of you saying “you get one day, get over it!” – what if the OP’s cousin had written a post asking for advice on whether it was appropriate to propose during the weekend of his cousin’s wedding. Would you tell him “absolutely, go for it?” I find that really hard to believe.

Post # 58
Member
3286 posts
Sugar bee

Your cousin has some big balls. 

Post # 59
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I think it’s fine to propose during the same weekend as the OP’s wedding. I don’t think that’s any of the OP’s business. HOWEVER, to tack his “engagement celebration” onto the OP’s wedding so “the whole family can celebrate both” is incredibly rude and tacky. He needs to plan, play for, and execute his own celebration if he wants one. Wow. I would be mad AF if were the cousin’s Girlfriend.

Post # 60
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
tiffanybruiser :  Exactly. Supposedly OP is selfish, but if the cousin came on here asking about it, they’d call him selfish too. One of the annoying things about people on this website, always trying to find fault or something wrong with the OP.

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