Post # 1
so, we were over the limit our venue could hold, so we were very limited in the number of people we could invite. I have a friend who I am not SUPER close with, but I do really like her and she is in my circle of lady friends who I have “wine night” with 2ish times per month (a group of about 5-6 girls). Wine night is really “talk about wedding planning night,” but I try to hold back when she comes because we couldn’t invite her. My fiance does not know here. She does go out of her way to invite me to things aside from wine night.
Well, we are 2 1/2 weeks out from our wedding, and had a few unexpected “no” RSVPs, putting us under our limit. We are having wine night tomorrow. Is there any way to invite her without being VERY tacky? She will obviously know she didn’t make the initial cut… I think she would be a lot of fun to have there, and I think she would have fun, but I just don’t know if it’s worth being tacky about…
Suggestions? Thanks in advance!
Post # 3
@ferdie224: Send her invite it the mail and hope for the best?
Post # 4
@ferdie224: Honestly I don’t think there is anyway to do this without her feeling like a seat filler.
I don’t doubt she will have fun but you have to admit it that it is kind of rude to get an invite 2.5 weeks out.
Post # 5
@ferdie224: Even if you do invite her, nicely, she will know the only reason she is being invited now is bc other people couldbt make it. If I were her, I would rather not be invited at all than to feel like crap that I wasnt important enough to make the original cut
Post # 6
@ferdie224: Just be open, honest and direct “As you know, we had to make some brutal cuts to our guest list and couldn’t invite everyone we wanted to be with us, We have had space open up and I would love it if you were able to make it. I realize this is last minute but I am so hoping you can come.”
Post # 7
I don’t think there is any way to do it that doesn’t come off as, “We need a warm body to fill out the seats” or “You were a last minute thought.”
Post # 8
Maybe you could casually bring up the fact that you have had a lot of unexpected declines, and how you wish you had invited a few more friends becaise now you have spare seats but feel rude inviting people at short notice and see how she reacts
Post # 9
@ferdie224: TBH, I’d tell her like it is. Say “I really enjoy our time together, but we had a limit to what our venue could hold. Fiance and I agreed we would only invite those we are *both* close too, to keep the guest list down. We had some say they can’t come, and have spots open up. If you would like to join us, I’d love to have you there”
It’s 2.5 weeks out, so it’ll be obvious. I’d rather be upfront about it, rather than inviting her without explaining myself
Post # 10
@memo: +1 I think this is a nice way of doing it.
Post # 11
Hmm… I don’t think there’s any way you can invite her without her knowing she’s a b-lister. That much is obvious.
What you can say is, “I made a mistake not inviting you in the first place. I’m sorry. I’d love it if you would come, because it would mean a lot to me and it’d be fun to have you there.” If that’s too awkward, then I would just leave it and not try to invite her at the last minute.
Post # 12
@ferdie224: Is this right— this is someone you see twice a month in a small group of 5-6 women and you invited veryone but her? You try to hold off talking about the wedding when she is there. (which implies you’re not always successful so talk about a wedding she is not invited to but everyone else in the group is, goes on around her at times!). Now 2 weeks out there are cancellations and you want to invite her?
Yikes, I could never have not invited someone I see in such a small circle 2 x month. I would be surprised if she continued to go out of her way to iinvite you to anything. Think inviting her now would simply add insult to injury.
Post # 13
@julies1949: I like this wording best!
I also wanted to add that I had a friend who was invited to the wedding the DAY before because of some last minute cancellations. He went and had a great time!! People understand that you can’t invite everyone and she might want to come. If she feels awkward about it then she can choose not to go.
Post # 14
Another option might be… you could pretend that her invite got lost in the mail? Take her aside and say, hey I haven’t heard if you RSVPed yet, are you planning on coming? And when she’s confused and tells you she never got an invite, be horrified and tell her that her invite must have gotten lost in the mail?
Its sneaky and deceitful (not good things), but it might save face for both of you. i wouldnt usually recommend lying like that, but if I were your friend, I would rather get to pretend that my invite got lost than I was a second choice, especially in front of mutual friends who *did* get an invite.
ETA: I like the honest route better though, I don’t like lying to friends. I’m tryingto think of how she would feel to be the only one in the small group of wine night friends not invited/on the b list, like shes not on the same level of friendship. She may *not* be, but idk how she would feel at it being so blatantly pointed out.
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2014 - Glen Sanders Mansion
@julies1949: Just be open, honest and direct ” We had to make some brutal cuts to our guest list and couldn’t invite everyone we wanted to be with us, as you know. We have had space open up and I would love it if you were able to make it. I relaize this is last minute but I am so hoping you can come.”
@memo: say “I really enjoy our time together, but we had a limit to what our venue could hold. Fiance and I agreed we would only invite those we are *both* close too, to keep the guest list down. We had some say they can’t come, and have spots open up. If you would like to join us, I’d love to have you there”
+1 to both of these pieces of advice
We were B-listers to a wedding recently and while we couldn’t go (for a number of reasons), we did appreciate being thought of and we totally understood why were weren’t on the list at the beginning. I think she will appreciate your honesty, planning a wedding can be brutal. Don’t overthink it, and don’t lie about it either.