(Closed) Is there any way to fix this?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
4241 posts
Honey bee

I want you to re-read what you wrote…..he’s really sweet, cuddly and loving, except when he’s manipulating you into sex, trying to physically force you into oral sex, berating and yelling at you and complaining when you ask him for help with minor tasks? Does that really sound like a loving husband to you? 

Post # 32
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

This shouldn’t be happening a month into marriage or ever…. but I’m also not one to give up on things without trying. I’d suggest going to couples counseling to work out your issues. If he refuses to go with you and refuses to acknowledge the issue or work on things, that’s your answer right there. I’m not sure how old you are or how old this guy is. He sounds very immature.  It’s not acceptable for him to be acting this way.  If he turns things around for the better, then there may be a future. There’s only one way to find out – couples counseling. And get to it asap!

Post # 33
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Is this real life?? In all honesty, I thought this was a troll.  So let me get this straight, 

– You already have one child from a previous, abusive relationship

– You got pregnant, then married, to another abusive guy

– You have zero money (or job)  yet the house is solely in your name (makes no sense)

SMH….you need to leave this guy and get counseling for yourself.

Post # 34
Member
19 posts
Newbee

You’ve been in an abusive relationship before, and you’re in another one now. It seems like you’re trying to find answers that justify his actions somehow. Tons of men have healthy relationships which include role playing, without ever turning it into abuse (or even blurring the line slightly) and limited experience is not an excuse. A month into the marriage and he threatens to withhold sex from his pregnant wife (!!) if you aren’t in the mood. He pushes until you give reluctant consent, which is spousal rape. He shoves your head down on him when you say no…do you honestly think he is under the impression that you enjoy being *sexually assaulted* and it’s all part of the rough sex role play to pretend to say no? That’s not true and deep down you know it, or else you wouldn’t have posted that in the list of things which worry you. Liking it rough doesn’t excuse his actions at all. Nor does inexperience. This is NOT a miscommunication due to role playing, which in any case should involve a “safe word” and a heavy responsibility on his part to ensure you are okay. It’s sexual abuse and assault…no ifs, ands or buts about it. Apart from that, he straight up yells at you when he’s mad, complains about helping his pregnant wife do anything (wtf?) and is emotionally manipulative/abusive during arguments. Does your son see this happening? What damage will it cause to witness his mother being treated this way? He may turn out fine and be determined to break the cycle with his own family, but there’s a good chance you’re causing harm not only to yourself, but also to him and eventually your unborn child. They are also victims of his actions. I hope you’ll think of ways to leave and get some help before this gets even more difficult. It isn’t your fault that you fell for an abuser, but please try to be strong and do what’s best for your babies above all else. Better to live with an overbearing mother while healing from these men and getting things on the right track, than to continue in this vicious cycle and put all of you in danger. It does get better even though it seems impossible now.

Post # 36
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

jessicabrooke93:  Why aren’t you working now of I might ask? I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom so I’m not shaming for no job, it’s just if you knew how he was I would think you’d want to maintain some independence by having a job.

Post # 37
Member
10953 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

People, please stop blaming the victim!  It is not helpful to her nor to the unknown number of abuse victims who may be reading these posts, too frightened to post themselves.

Post # 38
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Did you not see these red flags before marriage? No amount of loving and sweet talk will outweigh his craziness. No man should guilt you into having sex or force you to give him oral sex. This is sexual abuse. You need to run because I can totally see this situation only escalating!

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