(Closed) Is there anyone who did not give their parents the option of inviting guests

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: Did you give your parents a number of the invites to use?

    Yes - they had a portion and could invite who they wished

    Yes - they had a portion but had to check with us before the invites went out

    No - we chose all our guests, after all it is our wedding!

    Other

  • Post # 17
    Member
    1802 posts
    Buzzing bee

    We’re paying for the wedding, so we get to determine the guest list.  My parents also didn’t seem to express interest in being able to invite anybody else after we told them the guest list.  Since we’re inviting a lot of extended family, I think we already covered the people our parents would like to see.

    Post # 18
    Member
    273 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    My parents never asked for people to be invited even though they paid for our weddiactress was awesome. I invited some family friends but it was my decision.

    Post # 19
    Member
    331 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    we’re paying 100% & we chose the guest list. there were a couple of people from family on both sides that we wanted there – ran it past our parents. they were happy & didn’t ask for anyone other than who we wanted.

    Post # 20
    Member
    2191 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @FromA2B2013:  my parents are paying for the entire reception – which works out to be more than half of the wedding budget. So they can invite whoever they want. We gave his parents a limit though and anyone else over they can invite but they have to pay for them  

    Post # 21
    Member
    211 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2018

    My FI’s parents are inviting about 10 family friends. My father and stepmother are inviting a few people as well. My Dad and FI’s parents are both contributing around $6000 wach (to pay for the reception).

     

    My mother is not contributing anything and has done nothing but complain about our wedding plans so she will not get any guests. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    7 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think this question all boils down to who’s paying!  My FI’s mother, who is contributing a few hundred dollars (a tiny tiny fraction of our budget) ended up verbally inviting guests without running them past us, then had to take back the invites later.  We said, if she is willing to pay for her next door neighbor (who we don’t know) then that would be fine, otherwise we prefer guests that we knew….I mean… seems like common sense… of course when it comes to wedding planning seems like common sense is thrown out the window at times!

    Post # 23
    Member
    5966 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @leecy87:  +1 I think if parents are paying they should be allowed to invite some extra guests that you may not know. Since both sides each helped us out we  gave them a number and let them decide who they wanted to invite. If we were paying by ourselves our parents would have  had way less say (maybe a couple of extra guests).

    Post # 24
    Member
    331 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I get the theory that if your folks are contributing financially, there maybe strings/opinions etc that go with that… but I don’t agree that parents who are contributing should get a “blank cheque” with regard to inviting people to the wedding. Especially if it’s people completely unknown/unconnected to the couple getting married (eg the parents’ neighbours, co-workers or friends) and it’s at the expense of inviting people who are in that couple’s life all the time.

    As a guest, I’d feel super awkward being invited to a wedding where I only knew the parents of part of the couple. And as someone with adult stepkids (not that ours are engaged etc) I wouldn’t expect that helping our kids with wedding costs meant that their dad & I got to pull the money thing out as a trump card.

     

    Post # 25
    Member
    1391 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    We chose our guest list ourselves.  We’re only having 65 guest so don’t think anyone would dare trying to add someone. I totally forgot about my moms best friend who’s very close with our family so my mom is having her as her plus one. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    336 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    If we were hosting a big wedding, I would have. But as it stands, we sent out 25 invites. My parents live in a separate state, so it’s not like they could invite friends. As far as family goes, my mom’s side of the family is HUGE. She did try to get me to pick and choose, but I felt it would have been rude to invite some aunts/uncles and not all, so we chose to invite only my grandparents.

    It doesn’t hurt that Fiance and I are footing the whole bill. If we were to invite everyone, that would eat up our entire honeymoon fund. We’d have a wedding much bigger than we wanted, and not even be able to treat ourselves with a romantic getaway later.

    Post # 27
    Member
    2674 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My parents have one couple coming that they are close friends with. (My mom went to high school with the guy.) They’re technically my godparents, but I’m not super close with them and wouldn’t have invited them otherwise. I thought they would ask to have one or two other couples come but they didn’t. My dad asked that his step family (his step father’s kids and grandkids) be invited, which I allowed because I’ve known them my whole life. We did not invite my other grandparents (all are divorced and 3/4 remarried) step-kids and step-grandkids. They remarried much more recently, I haven’t met the step-kids/grandkids, and it would have added 50-100 guests vs my dad’s 8.

    FI’s parents officially have one couple coming that they invited, but he put people on the guest list that he knew were their close friends before they asked him to. They know a LOT of FI’s church friends and are arguably just as good friends with them as he is.

    Post # 28
    Member
    632 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @FromA2B2013:  Yes, even if they were paying (which they are not) it’s my wedding and therefor my guests. My parents aren’t unreasonable people so they don’t care who I invite as long as I include our close family and important family friends. I don’t mind inviting long time friends of my mom and stepdad’s who watched me grow up, but random people that my parents know are a no-no. I don’t really understand why virtual strangers would want to come to my wedding anyway. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    518 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We’re paying for everything so no, they do not get a say in the guest list.

    Post # 30
    Member
    1131 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I didn’t even know that was a thing until I came on the bee. My mom paid about 10%and it honestly never occurred to me to let her invite her friends that I don’t even know. I can kind of understand why parents want to invite their friends but I think the B&G should be able to just invite people they are close to or have known for years.

    Post # 31
    Member
    18 posts
    Newbee

    My parents are very social and involved in the community so I figured they would invite a lot of friends.

    The topic ‘Is there anyone who did not give their parents the option of inviting guests’ is closed to new replies.

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