Post # 1
Hello Bees and Happy Tuesday!
I believe I am in the home stretch in terms of waiting – in fact, I think it will happen this Thursday (my 25th birthday!). With a possible engagement looming I have been thinking about all of the exciting things that will happen after he pops the question (telling people! taking lots of pictures of the ring! being able to openly talk about weddings! planning our lives together!) but then I also realized there were a few people I am nervous about telling.
I am so excited to tell my Mum, step dad and all of FI’s family because they are LOVELY and love and respect our relationship. However, my Dad and Step mum live in another province and therefore have only spent token amounts of time with Boyfriend or Best Friend and I over the past 3 years. They suffer from No One Is Good Enough syndrome so I know they will be full of the ‘are you sure?’s’. I will also be the oldest and first child to get engaged so my parents will have to deal with their baaaaaaaaaaaaaby growing up.
I have lots of siblings and one of my sisters is very anti-marriage, so I’m sure I will have to take her reaction with a grain of salt. Also, my BFF can be quite a jealous person, so I expect some snarkiness from her even though my Boyfriend or Best Friend and her are excellent friends and the three of us hang out all the time and we have talked about our future wedding and she has mentioned thinking about her speech at our wedding etc.
My anxiety over the above mentioned people’s reactions is starting to overshadow my excitement which is ridiculous, I know. I am a people pleaser at heart and that is a tough thing to overcome!
Anyone feeling similarly or have some tips for me? The bottom line is I am SO excited to start the next chapter in our relatioship – we are both fully committed to being married and the work it will take and I can’t wait to join our families together. I just need to stop caring what other people think, blegh!
Post # 3
@misshydra: No way! I will be shouting it from the rooftops when my SO proposes.
In your situation I would recommend that you just not let the opinions of others get you down. I think most people come around and if they really care about you they will see how happy you are and support you. If they do not, I would have a serious conversation with them and let them know that their negative vibes are not appreciated and will not be tolerated.
Best of luck to you!
Post # 4
we were scared to tell his parents – because they had no idea it was coming (because he was unemployed at the time and didnt want to tell them he bought a ring while unemployed). They were definitely shocked – there was 10 seconds of silence on the other end which felt like an eternity, but they were super happy about it after the shock wore off!
The nice part was a few days later he got to tell them he had just gotten an amazing job offer! 😉
Post # 5
I stopped talking to the main person I would not have been too excited to tell earlier this year. Dumped her snarky a** on FB and haven’t looked back since!
I think overall there’s no one I would be holding back from telling, maybe family but I feel very guarded about my personal life from them (we’re not super close) anyway and I already feel like they might get weird and feel left out once it’s revealed we want a courthouse wedding with only witnesses and then a honeymood. But it’s our day and they have plenty of other nieces/nephews willing to spend the $$$ to show off for them!
Post # 6
Best advice i can give is to not give a shit. it’s an amazing moment. shout it from the rooftops. everyone else be damned.
Post # 7
My academic advisor – I don’t know that I’ve explicitly told her, actually, and she’s been on sabbatical so we’ve been emailing only for months. A lot of people in our department don’t look very fondly on young women getting married; I suspect like they feel like they might have wasted their time and effort if the student leaves the program after marrying.
Post # 8
@misshydra: You sound just like me. I’m not even close to being engaged (it’ll happen – just not for a few months) and I am already gauging ppl’s reactions! I guess it’s good to be prepared.
Try telling yourself that some will react badly, and then have a few rebuttals in mind.. or just smile and take the high road.
In the end, it’ll soon be old news. For me that’s a big relief… I am so not extroverted and being the centre of attention is awkward (especially when it’s not just immediate family).
Congrats, by the way! This is an exciting time for you 🙂
Post # 9
I am sooo excited to tell my mum n dad and my grandma n grandpa, and my great gran:) but i am going to be so scared about telling bf’s parents :/
Post # 10
I am going to be beyond excited to tell my family, our friends and my BF’s mom’s family. I will be very nervous/unexcited to tell my BF’s dad, stepmom and stepsister.
Post # 11
I think after 3 years they should see it coming. I’ve been with my SO 5 years. I don’t think anyone would get negative about us being together. Your family/friends you’re talking about should be happy for you. If your bestfriend gets jealous, she shouldn’t show it. God knows I get jealous of others, but I only show the excited part. It’s not fair to show any other side.
Post # 12
I feel weird about telling my grandparents, specifically one set that bought me barbies up until just a few years ago and still gives me beanie babies. How do you tell someone that you are getting married when they think your age is still in the single-digits?
Post # 13
I remember being a little apprehensive, I guess, when calling one friend in particular. About a month prior to getting engaged we went out with our SO’s and her and I went to the bathroom and she was complaining to me about waiting- which alone irked me because they had been together less than a year-and-a-half and at that point we’d been together over 6 years (a piece of advice- don’t complain about waiting for an engagement to someone who’s been waiting for about 5 years longer than you, they’ll look at you like you have three heads), I mentioned to her that I was expecting a proposal by the end of the year, which was about 3 weeks away and she looked at me and laughed and said, “good luck with that!” in a bitchy tone. So part of me wanted to brag about it on the phone, but another part just didn’t want to deal with the situation. She congratulated me but then turned it around to complain about waiting for her ring (she’s still waiting- mind you). Some people!
Post # 14
X.X my DS’s father. Everyone else I’m excited about, but I know that telling my ex will not go well. Or it will be very matter-of-fact, which is better tHan the explosion of anger he had when he found out SO and I were dating. He specifically said he didn’t want him to be DS’s stepfather. I had told him tough shit though. I think after 4 years and a longterm Girlfriend of his own, he will have mellowed out though.
ETA: my SO is wonderful with DS, my ex just didn’t want me with anyone period.
Post # 15
I dreaded telling my parents and Mom’s side of family because they’re very judgmental peope. They did judge, but I just dealt with it. Rolled my eyes and said I was happy, and eventually they found something new to talk about.
Post # 16
Sadly enough, I’m more excited about telling my stepdad than my mother… She told me today, that the only way she would be able to come to my wedding is if she “had the money honey.” I did talk to my stepdad after that, and he blatently said they would be there. And I talk to my mom quite often and it’s hard to gauge her reaction to things over the phone… But I don’t know…… She is very religious, and I’m not….. So, things might not go so well…