- 3 years ago
- Wedding: December 2013
I will try to be brief with the backstory here but it’s imporant as it relates to where we are now.
DH and I first met when we were 13 years old, dated all through high school and he proposed when we were in college. However, we broke up prior to graduation because he was partying too much and basically flunked out of school. I took a student teaching job in a different city and was hired on after student teaching was done.
In the 7 years we were apart, I met and became engaged to another guy, “E”. I discovered WB a few years ago when I found out E gave me a CZ ring and lied about it and how to handle it. Long story short, E and I broke up, while not exactly on great terms, I don’t wish anything bad to him and he is still good friends with my 2 best friends’ husbands.
After E and I broke up, DH and I started dating again. We had a bit of a whirlwind romance (although it didn’t feel like it) and we got married last December. I found out while we were dating that DH always regretted us breaking up (he had gotten his life straight right after we broke up) and he blames himself for everything that happened. I didn’t like talking about E with DH but there were many times DH would ask questions and while I was honest, I would spare some details.
DH has compared himself to E time and time again. The kicker came last summer when E came to my friend’s wedding (he was invited as a guest of her husband) and it was the first time DH and E met face to face. E knew my relationship with DH when E and I were together and that bothered him as well and was always an issue with our relationship.
I think things with DH’s insecurity hit an all time high once he met E in person. Up until then, he was just a name, now to meet him and see he’s a normal guy (and DH even admitted he thinks he’s a pretty cool guy) makes things harder.’
DH and E actually met one night because DH wanted to “set things straight” with E. DH was under the impression E wanted me back. I wasn’t there for the conversation but it seemed after that things did get better for a while. DH has said he could see why I was with E.<br /><br />
E and I do not keep in touch. I hear about things just because like I said, he’s friends with my friends’ husbands. E was in a serious accident a few months ago and he was on a ventilator. There was a chance he wasn’t going to make it so E’s brother contacted me and asked me to see him. I originally wasn’t going to go, but all my friends, and DH insisted I should so I did. Fortunately he did come through and while he’s still going through some rehab, things are better. The only contact I had was initiated on his part where he sent me a text thanking me for visiting him, saying it meant a lot.
DH usually compared himself to things he knows E can do well, for example, E is a very good cook. Neither DH nor I can cook well, so a couple of nights ago, DH burned something on the grill. I said it was fine, but his remark was “I bet E never burned a meal for you”.
I tell him time and time again that he is the one I married. If DH and I did not get back together, I still would not be with E, and I tell him this a lot. When E and I broke up, it made me realize that while we were really good friends, we did not make a good couple.
I’m not sure what else I can do. DH knows this is his insecurity but is there anything else I can say or do to help him get over this? DH was apparently pining for me the years we were apart (and told other people he vowed to never get married) and I cannot help that I was with someone else. It’s like DH can’t get over the fact that I had a life when we were apart.
I know DH is the type of guy that needs me to tell him I love him a lot and I’m fine with it. He treats me very well (better than E did looking back!) and we are meant to be together. His insecurity however hurts because I feel like I have to constantly prove myself. Yes, I have told him this.
Any words of advice? Thanks.