Post # 1
My very good friend is about to make a huge mistake.
She has been “dating” a guy she met online for about 8 months. He is emotionally and physically unavailable. He never invites her out, never accepts invitations to meet her family, doesn’t tell her where he lives..etc. He keeps her on the hook by calling her “babe” and visiting her whenever HE wants. Makes plans/breaks them, etc…
Well guess what. He is now telling her that he is “suddenly” going into foreclosure and that he and his grandmother are going to be out on the street. He needs $7000. And she’s contemplating giving it to him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There are so many red flags, much more than I’ve mentioned, but she won’t see them. I’ve tried to reason with her but she is so insecure and has a big heart that she doesn’t listen. I feel like I’m watching a train wreck.
Post # 3
Have you talked with her yet-like the brutally honest, bitch what are you thinking kind of talk?
Post # 4
@Cougar09: Yikes, I don’t think you’ll get through to her. I think you go to the cops or other legal aid. This guy is a con artist for sure. Adding the ‘grandma’ to the homeless part is a nice touch.
It always amazes me that there are people who so easily fall for this type of thing and don’t see the red flags. Usually though, they prey on the elderly. That she’s (I’m assuming) young and probably educated is surprising.
Post # 5
bitch what are you thinking kind of talk – this
Real friends dont need to suger coat shit! You call that women up and say LISTEN… don’t throw away 7gs.
Post # 6
probably not but I would at least try to get her to have him sign something regarding the loan and repayment promise in case she need to take his ass to court, but of course word it not like he’s an ass but just standard action with a large loan for her protection. And that if he refuses, that should be a huge indicator of why she should not lend him a single dime.
Post # 7
Tell her to watch a few sessions of Judge Judy. She will see many women who are so low in self-esteem that they lend money to men. Maybe she will recognize herself in some of their stories.
Post # 8
Hmmm Maybe not that brutal. It’s mostly along the lines of… What are you gonna do once you give it to him and he suddenly disappears, won’t answer your phone calls etc…
Good Idea though. Tough love. Thanks!
She feels guilty because she recently told him “I’ve got your back.”
Post # 9
@Cougar09: She. Doesnt. Know. Where. He. Lives.
seriously? that right there is enough to be like seee yaaa!
Post # 10
Maybe watch a movie together that demonstrates a healthy relationship over a freindship with some serious benefits.
Your a good friend for caring! Best of luck.
Post # 11
Hell no. Another vote for the “bitch what are you thinking” talk– I’d expect my friends to rip me a new one if I said I was considering this.
Post # 12
I’ve composed an e-mail that is a combination of “what are you thinking” along with some objective perspective examples of things she has told me… sort of holding up a mirror.
I tried to stress that I was just looking out for her. I hope it doesn’t ruin our friendship. But I can’t in good concience let her think I think this is a good idea for the sake of not offending her.
Post # 13
Instead of being negative, say that you support her, only if she does this the safest way possible, and then:
1. Let her read this thread
2. Remind her that a property going into foreclosure is many months behind in payments. Fine, if you were to hypothetically give him the $7,000 now, then how is he going to make the payments going forward AND afford to pay her back?
3. Get the name of a local attorney who will draft and execute a promissory note for her.
4. Have her tell her “BF” that in order for him to get the $7K, he’ll have to 1) let her run his credit report (this costs about $20) 2) sign the promissory note 3) make payments to her direct deposit from his bank to her bank 4)create an aggressive repyament schedule to have the full balance (with interest) paid back within 36 months.
If she just laughs it off, then let her make the mistake, stand back, and help pick up the pieces in a month.
Post # 14
I say give her the tough love. do you have mutual friends who can step in? maybe an intervention?
even if her mind is made up, sometimes a group of (supportive) friends telling her in person will help her realize how f-ed up this is.
I once had my mind 100% made up on something that was a bad idea, and was I dead set against listening to my friends. but my friends talked and talked until I finally understood. I was in tears, but it was worth it. and years later, I’m SO glad they talked me out of it!
Post # 15
@Cougar09: you are a good friend for caring to point all this stuff out to her and risk her being offended to the point it hurts your friendship. That is what good friends do. I hope she listens to you and am glad she’s only ‘contemplating’ it and didn’t just turn it over. The ‘contemplating’ makes me think that she (deep down) knows she maybe shouldn’t. I sure hope she listens to her friend who loves her!!!
Post # 16
You’ve got to be brutal, because if she’s invested herself emotionally with this guy she’s going to want to “help”. You need to rip off her rose tinted specs!!!