Post # 1
Hi bees! Here’s the deal…
I will be 29 next month, he is 30, we’ve been together for 3-4 years. We have talked about timelines for children and he wants to have at least 2 years together married before TTC, not for any specific practical reasons but more so that we can enjoy DINK before kids change our lives and responsibilities forever. This would put me at 32/33ish when first starting to TTC.
Honestly this makes me a little nervous and uncomfortable. I feel like my SO does not really realize that fertility is not a guarantee and that age is a factor for some couples. This is obviously something I will discuss with my SO, but now is not the right time for that, so looking for advice and reassurance from the hive.
For those bees with children or who have dealt with inferitility or difficulty conceiving, is there anything that you wish you had done a few years before your “timeline”? Examples being getting evaluated for any potential issues that could impact fertility if left unresolved or if they continued to progress with age/time. Not exactly sure what those would be. Do you wish you had frozen eggs / embryos — especially when considering trying for a 2nd or 3rd child later down the line? Do you wish you had started trying earlier rather than sticking to your “timeline”? I know that there are some blood tests you can have done to take a look at your egg reserve too and wonder what you all think of those.
Post # 2
I absolutely wish we had started earlier. So, so, so much.
We could have sped up our timeline easily by at least a year, maybe more. But I was dragging my feet – not because I didn’t know whether I wanted children, but …. well, it’s change, and change is scary. My husband was ready to go a long time ago. The delay is 100% my fault, and I regret it every time I think about it.
If I could travel back in time, I’d tell my very-slightly-younger self that having a baby a little earlier than is ‘optimal’ is better than running the risk of not having a baby at all…
Post # 3
Are there reasons as why you’re worried about your fertility? Fertility issues can strike no matter your age. In my circle a lot of my friends were 32 when they first started TTC and most were pregnant within six months.
I did not have fertility issues, but I have irregular periods. I could go a month or two without a period. My GYNO suggested doing a few tests to see if I had PCOS, etc. I tests came back negative. It is rare, though, that they will test for fertility issues if you are under 35. It only took us three months and my baby girl is now 12w old.
I’m pretty happy with our timeline. We didn’t start TTC until I was 30ish and Darling Husband was 34. We wanted to wait and be married a couple of years first and also travel (we’re still traveling with baby, but we wanted some bigger trips out of the way). We were together roughly 5 years before getting married.
You’re life will change – a lot! I’m still getting use to it and not having a lot of Darling Husband and I time.
Post # 4
No, there’s not a specific issue that I am worried about. Though I do think about my mother who had difficulty conceiving my brother and I in her early 30s and experienced several miscarriages and had to be in bed her whole pregnancy with me in order to try and prevent another one (I was her 2nd and her last kid). I know fertility issues are not always hereditary.
It’s more that having children is very important to me and I am concerned that it could be a case of “what you don’t know CAN hurt you”. I’m wondering if there is anything to think about doing or looking into now rather than waiting and potentially running into issues that could have been avoided. Especially since our (his) timeline feels a little arbitrary.
Post # 5
poppinbottles : I would have worried less! I had my first at 32 and it took us four months to conceive. I was starting to get worried there was something wrong- obviously there wasn’t and I’m pregnant again (only took two months) with our second and I’m 35. I think worrying about your fertility is pointless. If there is a problem it won’t be age related. You could always get your ovarian reserve checked and a sperm analysis for you husband if you really wanted to. Are you both in good health and lead a fairly healthy lifestyle? Do you have a mostly regular, normallmenstrual cycle? If so I would just relax and only start to worry if actual problems arise. I’m so glad I didn’t have children any sooner. Early-mid thirties has been perfect for us. Good luck!
Post # 6
I wish we had started earlier knowing now how long it’s taking. We could have enjoyed the process instead of feeling like at this point we need a baby today. Exaggeration obviously but you get the point.
Post # 7
poppinbottles : Don’t let the issues with your mom worry you! I know easier said than done. It took my mother 4 years to have me and as you can see it didn’t even take us half a year. Maybe you and Darling Husband can compromise some. I get the worries – it’s easy to worry for sure.