Post # 1
So. Considered posting this under an anonymous ID, but whatever. I figure most women get to this point at some point in their reproductive lives. Is there ever really a *right* time to have a baby.
I’m “ready”, husband is ready. We have steady, fairly lucrative jobs (read: $ isn’t an issue, although who doesn’t want more?), professional degrees, and great healthcare; we own a home; we are of the “right” age; all of our friends have kids (read: it’s not like we would be giving up an amazing, non-stop social life); we have traveled all over the world; I have been prepping my body for a pregnancy for the last few months; and we have a very strong, steady, loving partnership. We both want kids, and on a timeline that says “start now!” (read: if we want 3 kids by 35, clock is seriously ticking). Long story short, there is no reason to wait, nothing holding us back. (P.S. This all makes me sound amazingly annoying and righteous. I promise I am not. I am just trying to illustrate why everything is aligned – we worked REALLY hard to make it so.)
So, here’s the problem: I am terrified! Absolutely terrified. (I actually find myself wishing for an accident – not gonna happen on bcp – so that we wouldn’t have to actually make the decision to take the plunge. Crazy, right?)
Please tell me that this is normal and that it is all worth it. Or tell me it’s not. That would be helpful, too.
Post # 3
People who aren’t terrified aren’t putting enough thought into it. It’s SCARY SHIT and it’s tough, as well as rewarding. You have every right to be scared.
Post # 4
Kinda in the same boat. Technically everything is in place – good age, good degrees, good financially – but still scared. But I’m due in 2 months. I’ll let you know how it goes.
I’m really exited but I can’t imagine a time when I would not be scared of how our life will change once kids come along.
Post # 5
i think what you’re feeling is TOTALLY normal! i don’t think there is ever a “right time” and even when people feel ready, there are still a million things to think about and plan for, so you’re not crazy at all.
becoming parents is a really big deal, and it’s not like you can just turn back once you start down that path. it sounds like you and your partner are mentally, financially, and socially ready to take that step – especially if alot of your friends have kids, there will be plenty of people to tap for advice and resources. maybe the two of you just need a little more time to get used to the idea? don’t feel like you have to rush because of your age. i’m definitely in the same boat of wanting to have a few kids by my mid-30s, but there is nothing written in stone that says if you reach that goal a few years later that anything bad will happen. women are having children later these days, and there are many ways to avoid any complications (and you will just be that much more ready).
maybe you and your partner can start by stopping using protection and just seeing what happens for a few months? granted, some people get pregnant right away this way, but it takes at least a few months for most people. that will give you some more time to process the whole idea, talk to friends and family, maybe even mad out a budget and start looking into childcare options.
Post # 6
Like @troubled, I am already pregnant and often have that “omg, what have we done” thought some days. this is a wanted, cherished pregnancy and most days i am so excited to be a mom and then i freak out when I think about actually having the baby and how it’s going to change EVERYTHING.
being afraid is totally normal. just gotta jump in, i guess!
Post # 7
@septcabride: We were in the exact same place as you. Everything looked good “on paper” so we figured we’d try. I didn’t expect for it to happen so soon and now I still have freak out moments (at 28 weeks pregnant).
Yes, it’s scary. My body changing freaks me out. The description of labor and delievery terrifies me (there’s a good chance my husband will pass out during it). Plus I’m worried I’ll be a bad parent somehow.
So being scared is very very normal.
BUT I couldn’t imagine not having a family (and our own children) so I’m putting on my brave face because I know that in cases like this “the juice is worth the squeeze”.
Post # 8
My Mom always says “There will NEVER be a perfect time to have children. You just do it when you feel ready and go with it.” I’m sticking with her. haha. I totally understand how you feel, even though we aren’t TTC until after the wedding.
Post # 9
@harmonyeee: (I actually find myself wishing for an accident – not gonna happen on bcp – so that we wouldn’t have to actually make the decision to take the plunge. Crazy, right?)
not crazy at all!!! i can relate to the tee….FH is ready to start now, and with the way my body is, we almost HAVE to chart in order to see when i ovulate but i’m soooooo scared to take that step…..i wish for that happy accident ALL THE TIME!!!
its completely normal to be terrified…
Post # 10
In our premarital counseling, our priest stressed to us several times that there is never a right time to have kids! You would be waiting your whole life if you waited for the right time! You just have to decide with your husband when you’re ready to go for it.
Personally, I think the fact that you’re terrified is a good thing. It means that you realize what a big deal having kids really is and how your life is going to change.
Post # 11
@ohheavenlyday: People who aren’t terrified aren’t putting enough thought into it.
Post # 12
I’m totally with you. My clock is not ticking as per say because i am only 22. But, i always wanted to have two kids before i am 25. And in may after our wedding i will be 23 already so i don’t really see that happening. I am kind of scared to try for a baby because we have before and we ended up having a miscarriage. I am afraid of trying and trying and having it finally happen, being super happy and than have it all taken away. I just want it to happen accidently so if it is another miscarriage it wouldn’t be so hard on us. I think the best thing to do would to be off birth control and just go with it. When it happens it happens don’t be super stressed about it. Good luck.
Post # 13
It is scary! You should be scared! But you should also WANT kids. I think people who have kids because they’re “supposed” to or whatever shouldn’t do it. You should definitely feel a maternal drive to have children, which it sounds like you do. You’ll be a great mom!
Post # 14
We were excited to get pregnant, and then I got the BFP and I cried. I realized how everything would change and now that we’re going with a natural birth I’m even MORE scared. But I’m also super excited! So, it’s more of a nervous/terrified/excitement 🙂 I think those who aren’t scared are crazy!
Post # 15
Honey if people always waited for the right time, there would be no human race. Half of my generation is here because of a good time on a Friday night and a bottle of whiskey…
Post # 16
It is scary. There is no going back. Everything will change. I think apprehension is a good thing. I just don’t want to ruin their life in any way. I don’t want to be anything like my mother was to me.