(Closed) Is there really something wrong with me? Or is it him?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 39
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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fresitachulita :  He sounds like he’s Gaslighting you. Just puts it all on you and deflects anything that could be his fault, and makes YOU feel like YOU’RE the person with issues. 

I’m sure both sides can improve, but no amount of yelling is going to motivate you to do better. I just watched the movie “bad moms”, you should go see it, me and my fiance had a huge laugh about it. 

I think that you need to stand up for yourself more, and if he starts yelling, just keep repeating yourself at the same tone. Don’t get quite, or escalate, I think it would showcase how loud and irrational he’s being when you in turn are very calm and collected. 

For yourself I would do some personal therapy if he won’t go with you. And also go to the doctor and get your blood tested for any vitamin deficencies. I think you overwork yourself, and the stress of the living situation really wears you out emotionally, and then physically. No wonder you are tired! 

Make a list of what are the key things bothering you, and of those things what are things that you have control over and can change, and then write them out to him on things that are bothering, and what YOU are willing to work on, and ask him to think of what HE can do better. I say writing, because confronting clearly agitates him. Maybe he can read about your issues, and react without you there, and then talk about it later. 

Hope this helps!

Post # 40
527 posts
Busy bee

So your Mother-In-Law doesn’t seem to be able to function as an adult, one of her three children is in prison, yet another is barely scraping by, & you married the third one?  Oh honey.  🙁

I admire you for wanting to keep your marriage together & work out your difference, but please remember that single motherhood isn’t a death sentence.  When you’re basically a sole adult in charge of four children (two of them biological adults themselves), something’s gotta give.  Please get help before you snap.

Post # 41
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I would make a chore chart for DH and Mother-In-Law. She may not be the brightest bulb, but I’ll bet she can clean a bathroom.

Post # 42
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I agree with PP. A chore chart would spell out in simple terms what needs done.

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