Post # 1
My bf wants to financially help me go back to school which is totally sweet. He has said all the right words (“This is to help better our future”) and etc. However, I just feel like he gets no guarantee in return for his “investment”. For whatever reason, in my mind, I feel that this kind of help should come from your fiance/husband, whom you promised and made that commitment to be with “’til death do us part”.
I know that we are definitely in it for the long haul. i.e. My sister told me about the ring shopping; he is saving to buy a house, too. BUT there will be so much pressure for me that comes with the assistance. Also, I’ve been on the other end of the helping with exboyfriends and that never ends well.
Post # 3
@mnp: What a sweet bf you have! I agree with you that it makes things easier if you have already made a commitment. I think that sometimes, (not always, i know) but SOMETIMES it can lead to resentment however you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend talk about it beforehand and just be totally upfront about your financial situation then it should be fine. It sounds like he’s thought it through. He realizes that it will benefit the entire family, not just you, so that’s great! It sounds like you are about to be engaged anyway 🙂
Post # 4
I think as long as you know you are going to be in it for the long haul and there is a future for you guys there is no harm in letting him help you with school. Part of making that commitment to each other is supporting one another in your goals. I think making that promise to each other diminishes the feeling of ‘taking something from him without any return’ because you are promising a lifetime of support in all aspects of life, not just financially.
Post # 5
@texasgirl29 and @totheilnds. Thank you both! I think I’ll just try to handle the most of my finances on my own but let him take care of other things. i.e. He’ll pay more often when we go out and/or he can help me pay for new tires for my car.
Post # 6
Here are my 2 cents: I lent a boyfriend some money for school. It was actually intended to be a loan, but we both really REALLY! assumed we’d get married and then it would be moot. So he started paying me back little by little.
Then we broke up. He still owes me $400 but it’s been so long that I just don’t care anymore.
If you are sure you really are going to get married, I guess there’s nothing wrong with that. I have a friend who has been with his g/f for like 7 years and they’ve lived together for 3. He makes more than her and has offered to help her pay for school and vacations, etc. but she won’t let him. However they are planning to get married when she’s done school. So… why not let him?
Take from that what you will. Good luck!
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings
If your boyfriend went ring shopping with your sister, is there a chance you two will be engaged by the time Fall rolls around? It sounds like the ball is rolling with regards to taking your relationship to the next level. I would personally say somthing to the effect of, “Assuming we are enagaged by the time I start school, I would love help with the finances.”
Im similar to you when it comes to accepting help from a b.f. He lives in my house with me but I wont allow him to help with big ticket items like a new ‘fridge or furnace. I want to keep things as simple as possible. I also HATE that he wants to act like we are engaged by assuming he’ll pay for that stuff and trying to plan parts of the wedding. If you’re that serious go get a ring, until then we’re just dating and you’re living in my place. I will not cheapen a future relationship status by jumping the gun. I know Im weird but he luckly he does understand when I remind him where the line in the sand is.
Post # 8
I completely forgot to check off “Subscribe To Topic Via Email”. Oops!
@ItsPronounced_ABear: I’ve been in your situation as well. And, it totally sucked in the end. I know that even with an engagement that there is no guarantee of marriage but it does mean something to help one’s fiance/future wife, you know? But you’re right, if we’re planning to get married, there is no harm.
@Beautiful Bluegrass: Exactly! I said something similar to what you posted because the beau said that I had too much pride. And, I told him that was not the case and I would love help from him if we were engaged/married.