(Closed) is there something wrong with getting married young?

posted 7 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
2859 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

I wouldn’t say that there’s something wrong with getting married young, but I do think that there’s something wrong with getting married when you’re not mature enough.

I also think that it’s a smart idea to wait to get married until you’re financially settled, which usually doesn’t happen at such a young age.

But I don’t know you or your situation, how mature you guys are or what your financial situation is like. I’m just speaking generally.

Post # 4
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It is absolutely your decision!  But people tend to have very strong feelings on the subject of the age that other people get married.  When people make comments, just keep in mind their background.  For example, I will be getting married four weeks before I turn 34, so I can’t fathom what it would be like to get married at 18.

But I also think you’re very lucky to have found the person you want to spend your life with at a young age!  Sometimes I wish I could have met my FI years ago, just so we could have more time together.  🙂  Best wishes to you and your FI!

Post # 5
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

There are a lot of posts about young brides and I have always had the same opinon. If you think its right for you than do it. I feel the majority of people opposed to young people getting married is that you change so much in your 20’s and theres the sentiment of whats the rush? Plus like danadelphia said, its rare to be financially stable at such a young age.

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think it’s very much your decision, but I can see why people are perhaps not approving or making negative comments. But, i will say that I notice your profile says you are only 16 years old….do you plan on going to college at all once you graduate? How will you live? (i mean provide an income and stuff….not live, haha)

Post # 7
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Hi JB4evr- I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this. Honestly, I think people are probably disapproving because they are worried about your marriage not lasting, and they are just trying to protect you from (what they believe) is future pain. I think people see their own mistakes and want to protect others – particularly loved ones – to not make the same mistakes, and so it comes out as disapproval or being mean, when they really believe they are just trying to help you.

I don’t think it matters what any of US think, you need to do what feels right. 

Personally for *me*, getting married that young would not have worked out (I’m 32) because I didn’t understand yet how to be in a commited relationship. But we are all different and plenty of people have successful marriages at your age. My mom was 20 when she got married and my dad was 23; they celebrated their 40th anniversary in November.

Congratulations and good luck!

 

Post # 8
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

For me I am VERY glad that I didnt get married that young. I had a serious b/f at that age and thought I wanted to get married but I realized I would be missing out on too much.

 Now that I am 24 and had a few single years of partying and random hook-ups I know im ready to get married and settle down. I know I will never wonder what if. I know a few people who got married too young and are leaving there husbands/ wives & kids because they want to be single and missed out when they were younger.

My 19-21 being single was prob the best most fun time of my life!

Post # 9
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

When I was 19, I began dating someone I loved.  He was 2 years older, just graduating college and from an affluent family.  During the 6 years we were together, he got a fantastic finance position, we bought a gorgeous house in a wonderful beach town with an awesome school and really were living “the dream”.  I woke up one day at 25 and realized that, even though I was very happy with all of the wealth we had accrued and he really was in love with me, I wasn’t in love with him.  I was comfortable and had been doing all of the things I thought I was supposed to do, but felt like something was missing for me.  We were engaged, but had never set a date – because of my insistance that I did not want to marry before 30 (not even sure why I had that insistance, exactly).  I told him I wanted to separate for a few months and try to figure out what this feeling was that I was having.  That was the best decision I ever made.  I left him shortly after (breaking his heart, unfortunately, but giving him all of “our” assests without any contest) and spent the next several years discovering what I wanted from life.  I’m now 34 and about to marry a man who is nothing like that man I spent 6 years with, but I have never felt love the way I do with him – he is in love with me and I can finally say, I am in love.

Although I am fully aware that everyone’s circumstances are different and no one can possibly know what is truly right for someone else – I never pass a moment to share this story with my 20 and 22 yo nieces when I can.  I always stress to them that the reason I left was that I didn’t know me enough yet.

As long as you know who you are and are comfortable with that then you have to trust that your decisions are best for you.

Post # 10
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Some people thought I was too young at 28! I wouldn’t worry about what people say, they don’t walk in your shoes and have no idea what your life is like and how mature you are.

But I do think in general it’s better to wait until your mid-late 20’s to get married. The reason I think this is because I look back at myself, my family and my friends at this age and I KNOW none of us were mature enough to take such a huge step. It’s not just a wedding, it’s a marriage and you have another person to consider adn at your ages, I promise both of you will go through so many mental and physical changes that will pose big challenges to your marriage.

Not knowing you at all, the only advice I would give you is to really ask yourself why you NEED to get married this young. There is nothing wrong with waiting, no downside. I promise! Again, do this without considering what other people are saying about their own personal opinions, look at yourself, think about your goals.

Post # 11
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

These posts can get pretty heated.

Generally speaking, yes, it is a bad idea to get married super-young, for many reasons, statistical and otherwise.  BUT it depends on the individual person and their circumstances… I don’t think it is a bad idea for everybody.  

Post # 12
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

i think it’s totally up to each couple to decide when marriage is right for them. if you’re ready at 18, more power to you. if you’re not ready until you’re 55, that’s fine too.

however, my general thought is that if you are asking “am i too young?”, you’re too young. it doesn’t exactly seem like you’re asking that, but that’s how i typically view young marriages. along the same line if someone says ‘do you think i’m ready for marriage?” i typically think “no”.

Post # 13
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I am still considered a young bride at 22, and I am marrying the man I have been with since high school. I must say, in the 4 years between 18 and 22, we have been through so much that I dont see how we would have gotten married before now.

I’m just saying. Make sure. Dont make any rash decisions. If the 2 of you are mature enough, then I dont see any problem with it.

I will share with you the advice my mother shared with me. She and my father got married at 18 and 21 (2 weeks after she graduated high school). She’s been telling me my whole life how much she regrets doing it that young. She told me that if she had it to do over, she would have waited into her 20s and became her own person first. Thats kind of heavy coming from someone whose been married 35 years. She regrets it. Just make sure you won’t.

I agree with mishellez. My 19-22 college party years were so much fun! I did so much growing up in that time.

Post # 14
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I don’t think that age matters, I have very close family friends and one of them who is 20 and in the military a year and a hlaf ago married the love of his life who at the time she was only 17! this april they renewed their vows in a lovely ceremony with all of their closest friends and family, and from what I can tell they are just as in love with each other as I am with my fiance. I am getting married young as well, I am 21 and my fiance is 25 we have been together for almost 4 years, have a house together, 2 cats, and a dog. Are so very very very in love and I couldn’t picture myself getting married to anyone else, we just tell people that we are so very blessed to of found each so quickly in life! His parents were high school sweethearts and got married their senior of high school being 17 & 18. So if you feel it’s right don’t worry what anyone else says, just what’s in your heart!

Post # 15
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

I agree with most of the bees. I too was engaged at an early age (18, I’m now 28). We never set a date because I also wanted to live my life and find out who I was. We ultimatley broke up and I now am in a loving relationship.

For me it was hard to say at 18 that I really knew who I was. For me my 20’s were for making mistakes that I can learn from in my 30’s. Evryone’s situation is different, I have met some very mature 18 year olds and some very immature 40 year olds. Age doesnt really make a difference it’s more about if you know that you are ready and this feels right to you then by all means do whatver makes you happy.

My boyfriends parents also married when they were 18 and they have been together for over 25 years. Dont let anyone tell you that your age determines how long your marriage will last. it is up to you to want to make the marriage work and put in the work that makes a marriage last.

Good luck to you!  

Post # 16
Member
2379 posts
Buzzing bee

I think people put it down because of their own personal experiences. I for one cannot imagine getting married at 18. In fact, I didn’t feel ready until I was about 27. But that doesn’t mean that another 18-year-old isn’t ready. I think it’s just hard for people to look at things from a different point of view. 

I also think it depends where you’re from. I grew up in Connecticut, where no one marries young. I’m just getting to the age now (28) where my friends are getting married. However, I moved to Missouri five years ago. I’ve noticed that quite a few of the college students I work with are either married or engaged. 

I’d just ignore the comments. If you and your fiancé are sure, then it doesn’t matter what other people think. 

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