(Closed) is there something wrong with getting married young?

posted 10 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 137
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Wow this thread has gone nowhere lol. I suggest JB4evr that you stop creating threads about a subject that you dont seem to want to discuss. Personally I don’t think its a big deal if you want to get married that young its your decision – but when you put it out on the internet for people to discuss you are going to get advice that you dont want or like – even if you keep specifying that you dont want or need it. It seems a little ridiculous and repetitive to keep arguing about the same thing every few posts. Just plan your wedding the way you want and live your life. you obviuosly dont need anyones approval and you are mature enough to make all these big decisions so continue to make these decisions on your own. I never understood asking a quesiton if you already have the answer and just need people to give you the same answer so you feel better. Head to the boards about DIYing your wedding, budgeting, colour schemes, dresses, etiquette and all the other fun things that go along with planning a wedding and ask wedding planning questions that you actually want a variety of responses for! good luck with your wedding and have fun.

p.s maybe people will stop making abig deal about your age when you stop bringing it up and making a big deal about it.

Post # 139
Member
7774 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
@JB4evr: I think that your last statement is a bit hypocritical. You say that most people are only sticking to their one opinion…. so are you. If you are trying to prove something to us, that you are mature, you can handle this, etc, this is not the way to do it. If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen. Getting engaged when you are 16 (I dont care how close you are to 17, you are still 16) is an unpopular thing to do, and you will face heat for it for the rest of your life. You could be 80 and tell someone you got engaged at 16 and I guarantee that someone will tell you that you were stupid for doing it. You need to just toughen up and learn to not care.

Overall, I think this thread is unproductive… and we should probably let it die. We are beating the dead horse here.

Post # 140
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

@JB4EVER:  Honestly think about this:  If you had a 16 year old daughter, would you truly be fine with her planning her wedding at that age and getting married at 18?  If you’re mature, you would say no.  There is a small minority of people that make it work that young, but there is such a high majority that don’t.  You asked for our opinions on why we think it’s wrong.  I have found that users on Weddingbee has been more than caring and cautious with their words (I’ve seen far worse threads).

Post # 141
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

RileyCat-  I’m well aware that $44,000 is livible.  I too work with those in these situations, helping people find health care, dental care, child care, help with groceries, etc- I teach at a school were 90% of the kids are at or below poverty level, so I know that it’s doable.  Not easy, but doable.  Also, keep in mind that $44,000 goes a lot further in different parts of the country.  A couple making that amount before taxes would have an incredibly difficult time buying a house here, and an even more difficult time in DC.  Now, that might not be for everyone, and if the OP has figured out how to make this work, then well done to her- she’s got it more together than the majority of 16 year olds I’ve come in contact with and I applaud that.

 

Good luck JB!

Post # 142
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee

“Why do people harbor negative feelings about young people getting married?” Is that your question or is it something else?

It seems as though the bees have given you observations garnered from their own experiences as well as based upon what you have said here on the board. I think, all in all, they have told you why they think marrying at at young age is a poor idea. It comes down to questions about maturity, financial stability, and emotional health. That’s essentially what is being said over and over.

Although you may feel as though society itself is arrayed against you, remember that it doesn’t matter what other people think.

I’d like to volunteer another reason why you may be recieving negative feedback. For a long time, it was the norm for women to get married straight out of high school. In some areas, this is still the case. However, it is becoming more common for women to get married in their mid to late 20s and in some cases (like where I live) in their 30s. Many women view young marriage as an uncomfortable throwback to an earlier time, when women were treated as inferior to men.

But that’s just my opinion…

Post # 144
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee

“we just happen to change and grow apart”

From personal experience, I changed a lot more from 16 to 21 than during any other portion of my life so far. A lot of people have pointed this out, largely because they have had a similar experience. You would be surprised how much you grow and change in such a short amount of time.

This is not to say that I don’t anticipate changes in the future. It’s just that, having gone through the huge 16 to 21 change, I think I will be better equipped to handle it.

Post # 145
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

This is hopefully my last post in response to your two threads.  There are several people on WB who don’t like the age in which I’m getting married.  I’ll be a month away from 22 when I get married, my Fiance will be 22.  He’ll still be in school and I’ll be going to school part-time (1 semester from graduating) and working full time.  Our engagement will have been long (1.5 years) to ensure that we’re prepared, we’re going through extensive pre-marital counseling.  However, I have prepared myself for this (living on my own) with years of experience.  My experience is that my relationships in high school (age 15-18) were unhealthy b/c I was the center of attention and they were the center of their own attention, while still feeding drama into one another.  It was unhealthy and was a lessoned learned, it was a necessary lesson to learn on how to cope with break ups, or see that a relationship is unhealthy.  I just hope you’re willing to give all of yourself to him and trust/know that your Fiance is willing to give all of himself to you.  I wish you luck.

Post # 146
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

The OP seems like she isn’t looking for what the other bees have said about ‘is there something wrong with getting married young’ here.

IMO, it’s not right to get married at 16/17. Marriage is more than just how much in love and how much you care for each other. It is a commitment.

If you’ve decided to get married at 17, why would you care what people say about you? It’s your life, your choice, as long as you are happy with it, why not?

I wish you all the best 🙂

Post # 147
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I have been with my Fiance since I was 19, and I am now 24 will be 25 a week after the wedding. Personally I’m really glad I waited because I feel like I can truly build a home with him and be a good wife. My big thing was being able to support myself without him so that I would never feel as if I HAD to be with him to be financially secure but because he makes me happy and I WANT to  be with him. I’m not sure if that makes sense, but its my personal neurosis. If you feel ready to be with him through thick and thin, hell and back, put up with his bad and good moods and will still be there even when its not smiles and sunshine than I think you’re ready. I THINK young relationships tend to not work because of the maturity levels and not wanting to stick out the bumpy road. Only YOU know if you’re willing to do all of this and only YOU know if you want to go through with it. Don’t let anybody sway you in different directions because of their beliefs,they wont be in your marriage.

Post # 149
Member
4544 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

View original reply
@JB4evr: I think you DO go through changes throughout your entire life. And hopefully you’ll grow together instead of apart. Yes, even at older ages I’m sure there are people who grow apart and end up divorcing or whatever. My personal thought on it, though, is that between 15-20 (and I’m sure this age varies from person to person, I’m just given a genric range) most people make a ridiculous amount of decisions and change a LOT. You learn to drive, become legal to vote and drink, graduate from high school, go to college, get a job, live on your own and make adult decisions, etc. These things do a lot to shape who a person is. I think that’s why you may get the negative reactions that you’re getting. The point is, that it’s your life and you can do with it what you like. I don’t think anyone is trying to be mean or put a damper on anything. I think people are just concerned because many of them have been where you were in the past and are glad they didn’t go through with it. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t get married. They’re just some things to think about and take it all at face value.

Post # 151
Member
4544 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m sure it is possible to grow together, I think it just doesn’t happen as often. Again, this doesn’t mean it won’t happen for you. It very well could. I would forget about what other people think and do what is best for YOU!

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