(Closed) Is there such thing as platonic cuddling? Thoughts, please.

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 91
Member
4241 posts
Honey bee

Platonic cuddling is definitely a thing, but in my opinion it doesn’t have a place in most relationships (and definitely not in most monogamous relationships). 

Post # 92
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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skier11 :  I believe there is platonic cuddling. But what you wrote about sounds inappropriate!

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sunnierdaysahead2 :  
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Fitzy :  
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aqualeah :  
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LittleDove :  I disagree that platonic cuddling between adults doesn’t exist or is always disrespectful. I still cuddle up to my mom and my sister when we watch movies together. Of course…it’s a family relationship and obviously nothing is hidden and nothing inappropriate is going on. But I’m just saying that platonic cuddling exists for some people even after they’re married and it’s not always disrespectful. I don’t see putting my arm around my mom or putting my head on her shoulder as disrespectful to my husband. But we all have different boundaries I guess.

Post # 93
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2109 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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franklymydearidont :  Oh I guess I meant platonic cuddling not existing with members of the opposite sex you aren’t related to, like in the situation the OP described. I totally agree that putting your head on your mom/dad’s shoulder isn’t disrespectful, but if you were to put your head on a male friend’s shoulder, I would consider that disrespectful.

Post # 94
Member
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t think cuddling necessarily means romance or attraction, but her husband and his friend crossed a major boundary – even if it was “platonic”, it was still incredibly disrespectful to your friend.  Buuut I also don’t really think it was platonic.  To be a married man and have a desire to feel that close to another women doesn’t come across to me as “just friends”.

Post # 95
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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franklymydearidont :  I think you misread my reply – I stated I DO think platonic cuddling can exist. I just think this scenario is wildly inappropriate.

 

No one is arguing that putting your arm around your mom is cheating on your spouse. That’s ridiculous and not relevant to what OP is describing at all.

Post # 96
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Villa in Florence, Italy

No, that’s a form of intmacy and I would feel betrayed. 

Post # 97
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3064 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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skier11 :  no. Her husband is lying. End of story!

Post # 98
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I ended up asking my Darling Husband about this last night because I wanted his take and he said it is definitely disrespectful/borderline emotional cheating as cuddling that way should be for your SO and your SO only, not some single friend. He said he thinks it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s cheating but that it’s absolutely opening the door for that to be a possibility. One thing leads to another kind of a thing…

Post # 99
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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elderbee :  again, just clearing up that remark was made with sarcasm. 

Post # 100
Member
5789 posts
Bee Keeper

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skier11 :  thanks for replying to my question. Even if they tried to act casual, IMO it’s very telling that they also ‘broke apart’…..if they truly thought they weren’t doing anything wrong, why would they immediately break apart as soon as she came (unexpectedly) into the room? Why haven’t they ever cuddled in front of her, even including her in a multi-person cuddle? Things that are truly okay (my Darling Husband & I hug/ cheek kiss family & friends of both sexes in front of each other) don’t have to be kept secret. 

For the record, I DO think platonic cuddling can be a thing- but not if you’re in a relationship and doing it behind your partner’s back. IMO if you only do something when your partner isn’t looking, you know damn well it’s not okay. 

Post # 103
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee

sorry, I didn’t read all of the other replies….she shouldn’t need to ‘establish clear boundaries’ with her husband. If he’s got a brain in his head, he ought to know that spooning/cuddling on the couch with a woman who is not his wife, when she is not home…. is highly inappropriate- at best.

I mean, her husband’s playing her for a fool. If he genuninely thinks that his behavior is okay, then has he done this before, with his wife present?  If the answer is no… it’s because he is hiding something from her.

Post # 104
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Uhhhh no, not when you’re in a relationship or married. Who knows what they had done before or planned to do. I’m kind of curious as to how this went down. Did he know she was coming home early? Did they jump up or move when she walked in, or continue to cuddle? That’s just my curiosity, I think it’s ridiculous no matter what.

Post # 105
Member
5789 posts
Bee Keeper

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skier11 :  Definitely side-eyeing the fuck out of G’s answer, sounds like yet another lie to try and jusfity his actions when he knows perfectly well he crossed the line and got caught.

IA with your question re: IF this is the way it happened, why didn’t he pull apart once his upset friend had composed herself? I would understand my husband giving a hug to an upset friend- I’d do the same, but this doesn’t naturally progress into entangled limbs on the sofa.

I’d be twice pissed at DH- once for crossing boundaries I’m not okay with when he thinks I’m at work and again for insulting my intelligence with a bullshit cover story. And it IS a bullshit sotry IMO, because otherwise he would have told it to her in the first place, not belatedly when he’d had time to think up more lame-ass excuses. Not that his belated bullshit story would make things okay even if it were true. 

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SmartCookie1 :  Absolutely agree. 

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