- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2016
Hello lovely ladies!
So, my SO have been together 5 years and it’s do or die time! 🙂 lol. We’ve been talking about marriage for the past year or so, and just recently I’m starting to feel a little bit like ‘uh oh is this REALLY the one? HOW will I KNOW??’
Let me just say, my SO is the best guy ever. Everyone loves him, incl me of course!, he treats me amazingly well, is unbelievably flexible and laid back (good match for me on 2 levels haha!), funny, sexy, sweet, supportive, the whole 9. I could go on! We got together in our early 20s and spent a lot of time on crazy travel/living adventures together, he was a perfect match for that and our history will forever be so special to us and unique.
My little nagging worry is that, as we get older and it’s time to settle down, is he the right match for that? I’m on the academic/intellectual/goal-oriented side and those are not his major qualities. I sometimes wonder if we are too different like that??
If I could magically change one thing about him, I’d inject a college degree already done (though he has a professional license and is going back for a useful 2-year degree and an even better license), some more career motivation/ambition, and a little bit more of the ‘intellectual’ type. I see all that as wrapped up in one. When he finishes this degree he’ll be in a profession that starts at about 45k then goes up to about 80k. That is good money to me, and not what I’m making yet with one job yet (recently finished grad school.) But sometimes I wish I had a SO that also had a graduate degree and was as busy-busy as I am with future planning. It makes me feel like a shitty person but I sometimes envision myself with a little more of a take-charge man, more independent and invested in a good career. (Though I get this could come with it’s own negatives!) When I think about having kids, I realize I want to be home with them at first. (I’m not some real housewife, I swear.) Is it wrong to want to be with someone that could support us like that? Right now for example, I have about 20k in the bank (and I’ve been out of full time grad school less than a year), while he has almost no savings. Stuff like that.
Well, I brought this up to him nicely (not the savings part, but that I wonder if we’re too incompatible related to his being so laid back that it’s almost lack of ambition) and it made an impact. He was putting off going back to school, that’s now moved to priority 1. That’s a good start. I explained to my SO that w the ladies, having kids is on a timeline. Is it wrong that I want a mate that could support us independently for a couple years while the kid(s) are very young? Believe me these are thoughts I never expected myself having. And also, in my past relationships with more school-ish types, there was a different level to our conversations that I occasionally miss (but these people were tools in other ways). This is why I wish I could keep my SO as is, but just inject in him the career he wants (physical therapy) already all done, educated mind and all. Sigh.
So besides any thoughts and comments on my personal situation that are welcome, what about you guys- is there that ‘one thing’ you wish you could change?? In the end, does it matter or not??
THANKS EVERYONE!! 🙂