(Closed) Is this a bad idea?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Did you start planning the wedding before the proposal?
    yes i did but i didn't tell him I was : (13 votes)
    13 %
    yes and he knew I was planning : (32 votes)
    33 %
    no : (53 votes)
    54 %
  • Post # 3
    1940 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I’m not currently waiting, but I remember how frustrating it was.  However, I would be cautious about actually starting to plan anything.  I didn’t think my husband would be into wedding planning at all, and it turned out that he wanted to be involved in the decision making.  He definitely had some preferences that I needed to take into consideration as we planning the wedding TOGETHER.  It ranged from color schemes to venue searches to cakes, etc.  I think he would have been rather disappointed that I didn’t want to start looking at wedding things until we were engaged and were doing it together.

    Post # 4
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    i dont know about planning but def getting info and knowledge on costs, questions to ask, pitfalls to avoid, local area information is a very smart move i would think – when youre first out of the gate with wedding planning you can make some costly mistakes


    Post # 5
    289 posts
    Helper bee

    I think it’s totally fine to brainstorm ideas and have a sort of wedding wishlist. I have a folder on my desktop that is filled with inspiration photographs. When the time comes, I will be a step ahead of the game and have a semi-solid idea of the overall “feel” I would like. Of course, my SO’s opinion will be of equal value.

    My SO knows that I keep pictures on my laptop, and I will often turn the screen around and ask his opinion on various details. We’re very open and eager about our plans to get married, and at this point, I’m just waiting for him to formally pop the question. Don’t be so sure that your SO would find it “psycho” to brainstorm for ideas. My SO, while not as over-the-moon about centerpeices as I am, thinks it’s adorable that I am.

    I do think that actually putting down payments on venues and purchasing a gown before you’re formally engaged is a little strange and might ignite some weird feelings between you and your SO. I would caution against that, but playfully planning is no big deal!

    Post # 6
    883 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I have been thinking about my own wedding for 3 years since I was a bridesmaid in my friends wedding and helped out a lot. Then again when my roommate got engaged 2 years ago I really looked at venues for her and knew a lot about what was out there. I shared with him my thought before we were engaged and he knew what I wanted in a wedding before we were engaged, but I never put down deposits or bought anything before we were officially engaged. I also refused to call it our wedding with him until we were officially engaged. 

    Post # 7
    2790 posts
    Sugar bee

    I agree with other PP’s I think that gathering information and keeping a folder of inspirtation photos is a great idea. I am waiting as well and my SO is fully aware that I have begun gather this info. I like to save DIY posts from the bee that I may want to do later or lists of things to remember on your wedding day. The little things that you may forget later on are always helpful.

    Post # 8
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I voted “no” but I’m still waiting too. I guess we have started to plan together in terms of things that we just do on our own.  We have discussed what type of venue we would like, what type of dinner, what is important to us at the wedding, and we have written out a preliminary guest list.  But I absolutely refuse to visit venues or try on dresses without a ring on my finger.  We were staying at a hotel and he wanted to ask about weddings there so I made him go by himself – I said I won’t do it without a ring because I would feel so weird about it.

    Post # 9
    15 posts
    • Wedding: November 1999

    We started planning about 4 months before we were offically engaged…  It was something we decided to do together though.  Maybe just float the idea by him and see how he responds.  We never would have been able to plan things if we hadn’t started early. (offically engaged 9 months before the wedding).

    Good luck!

    Post # 10
    10287 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I was waiting for years and I definitely “pre-planned”. Fiance knew about it too. He thought I was a little nutty in the beginning but mostly because he was afraid that I would be disappointed once we were officially engaged since alot of the planning would already be done. So not the case! Even though I pre-planned, I still had to officially plan everything after the ring was on my finger so pre-planning didn’t affect our engagement experience at all. It actually helped me because I had already contacted tons of vendors to request information. 

    I’m all for pre-planning but don’t be surprised when other people think you’re crazy. Pretty much everyone who knew about my pre-planning thought I was!

    Post # 11
    1025 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Not formally, but I did look at venues etc online. And I totally had flowers and centerpieces picked out.

    Then we got engaged and once family started to get involved we had to change the date so all of my ideas were down the drain!

    Post # 12
    115 posts
    Blushing bee

    Not really, I don’t plan to. The only thing I care about wedding-related is the ring. SO knows which one I want already so there’s nothing left to do in that regard. I/we could probably plan the wedding day in a week, and that’s what the engagement period is for, to me anyway. We don’t want anything big so maybe that’s why. 🙂

    Post # 13
    2496 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 1991

    I totally brainstormed, looked around, and shopped around before I got engaged.  It’s really helpful to get an idea of where you can buy things, venues, ideas, and where stuff is cheapest/best values. 

    But, with that said, the wedding I’m having now is NOTHING like the wedding I had envisioned a year ago while I was waiting.  Once we were officially engaged and started planning for real, FI’s input, along with family/friends input, totally changed a lot about where our wedding was going. 

    If you do plan ahead, have fun, but don’t get your heart set on having a particular venue or flower or whatever, because when it actually comes down to it, it’s more fun to plan together! 🙂

    Post # 14
    2408 posts
    Buzzing bee

    i think researching just to have a better idea of what’s available is a good idea. however, the only reason why i did it was because my mister knew what i was doing and actually encouraged it [he knows i’m super into planning]. we share ideas and i get his input on a lot of things. while he’s not really interested in the actual planning when we do get engaaged, he’s been involved from the get go. the preplanning/researching has been a godsend though. knowing how much things go for and our options makes me pretty confident in our ability to plan this whole shindig ourselves.

    but like some pp said, don’t get your heart set on any one thing. i think the only that that’s been the same in our wedding notes is that we’ll be getting married. LOL

    Post # 15
    7295 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    i had decided that i didnt want to plan anything until i was engaged. i wouldnt go on wedding website (like this), i wouldnt buy or look at bridal magazines, nothing. all i knew was i wanted a destination wedding, the best dress ever, and who my BMs would be. so after we got engaged, i started making decisions, some of which i regret now. i strongly believe that i had some prior knowledge, or even been on weddingbee where people were going through similar issues, i would not have made some of the decisions i did without at least consulting with bees! but its too late to do what i did and have to live it.  so yes, although i did not, i would encourage at least thinking about and getting info before the proposal. because once everyone knows you are engaged, you will get opinions from every direction and it can be overwhelming!

    Post # 16
    231 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Honestly, i think you should listen to whatever that voice inside you is telling you about whether pre-planning is “right” or “wrong.” Although my Fiance and I had talked about marriage and our wedding, we really hadn’t begun planning anything. I got suspicious that a proposal was coming before it happened, and I peeked on the knot, etc. But whenever I did I felt really guilty! After we were finally engaged it felt awesome to be able to plan out in the open.

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