Post # 1
A close friend of mine is getting married this July. She has appointed her best friend as her Maid/Matron of Honor. The Maid/Matron of Honor happens to live on the other side of the country, so she is limited with what she can do..which my friend obviously knew at the time she made her a bridesmaid. For her entire wedding process, she has depended on me and needed my assistane in a lot of areas and i have willingly/ happily obliged because that’s the job of a bridesmaid. However, her most recent request I do not think is appropriate and I do not think it’s my responsibility. She is having two bridal showers; one with her family and then one for her friends and fiance’s family. She asked me to plan the second Bridal shower. I am not the Maid/Matron of Honor or the mother of the bride and I do not feel comfortable doing this task. Is she taking advantage or is this my responsibility as a bridesmaid? Please ADVISE.
Post # 3
I would say it is not your responsibility to host or plan the shower, but to help out with the Maid/Matron of Honor throwing it.
Post # 4
Even though it’s not your responsibility, why don’t you feel comfortable planning it? Just curious..
Post # 5
It’s not necessarily your “responsibility” as a bridesmaid, but it’s a pretty standard request, and bridesmaids often do throw showers for the bride. A bride should never assume her bridesmaids will host a shower; it should be a discussion. I just don’t think the actual idea is that far out of line.
Some subscribe to the idea that family members of the bride are not “supposed” to host showers. I didn’t follow that. My mom hosted a shower, my mother-in-law hosted a shower, and then my best friend/MOH hosted a shower.
Post # 6
I agree, it’s not your responsibility, but I would tell her you would help someone else plan it. I was annoyed with one of my BM’s for not helping my Maid/Matron of Honor and mom with any planning, setting up, etc, so at the very least, you could/should help out!
Post # 7
I don’t think it’s technically your responsibility. Perhaps you could make it a group effort with the other bridesmaids, so it’s not just you doing everything.
Post # 8
I do not feel comfortable because I truly am not great at hosting events and have never done so and I do not want to mess things up for her. She is very picky/particular in the way she wants/likes things. So, I rather someone who is more knowledgeable/equipped in that area to do that. I def. do not mind helping at all. It would be nice if all the bridesmaids collectively could help out but I am the only person in the wedding party in the same state as her, so it is a little difficult to get assistance from the other girls. They’ve been very” hands off” throughout the entire process thus far. Literally, the bride and I have done everything together; looking at venues, booking hotels, picking out her dress and the bm dresses, going on all appointments for flowers, the dj, etc. So, I have been heavily involved in the process…which I enjoy..it’s fun to me. But I am not interested in hosting/footing the cost of her Bridal Shower….
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
I’m surprised the bride is dolling out shower responsibilities at all! When I’ve been a bridesmaid, I’ve throw a shower along with the other bridesmaids and the bride was not involved in the planning. Her job was to show up and get showered. 🙂
If memory serves, none of the MOHs took charge in the weddings in which I’ve taken part. We’ve done things as a group. Those who were far away contributed with craft projects or making invitations.
Post # 10
Like others have said.. usually its a combined effort between bridesmaids as a whole with the Maid/Matron of Honor often taking the lead.. often times the MOB will help with expenses as well.. but it definitely shouldnt fall all on you.. she picked another Maid/Matron of Honor and the fact that she does not live close by doesnt make it any less her responsibility especially ince the bride knew where she lived when she chose her. I would tell the bride that you have no problem helping.. or being the local “point person” but you dont want the responsibility of being the sole planner and especially the one paying for it she should hopefully understand
Post # 11
I agree with the above posters. She shouldn’t be asking you to do it at all. The Maid/Matron of Honor or MOB are supposed to decide to shower her as a gift not a duty. Also, why can’t these showers be combined into one? I’m seeing multiple showers more and more.. the different groups can mingle together in one party.
In the end, I think you could help plan and do the delegated tasks but I don’t think it should fall completely on you.
Post # 12
I understand why you don’t want to host the shower, but it all comes down to… you agreed to be a bridesmaid, and part of that means stepping up when needed. You absolutely shouldn’t have to foot the entire bill yourself (it should be split among the whole bridal party), but it shouldn’t be too hard to plan a low-key shower.
(a) have a luncheon at a nice restaurant. Bring in some floral arrangements and a few decorations, and the food will be all done for you.
(b) have it at someone’s house. For my sister’s, my aunt agreed to let us use her house, and she then decided she wanted to handle the coordination of all the food.
(c) reach out to the Maid/Matron of Honor and express your concerns privately to her. Then, the two of you can maybe handle the shower jointly, even though the physical being there still falls on you (you’d have to check out places, food, set-up, etc.).
My bridal party is spread across the country, and I only have one bridesmaid in the area. She knows that I will be relying on her more than the others because of her proximity, and she’s okay with it because it expresses how much she cares about me.
Post # 13
I’ve never been a Maid/Matron of Honor but I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man for 2 of my best friends and I planned (& paid) for both of their bridal showers without question. My one friends Maid/Matron of Honor was her younger, broke sister so if I didn’t host it for her, no-one would have. My other friends Maid/Matron of Honor was her older sister who lives a few states away and wouldn’t be able to do much from afar. Again, I took the reins and handled everything. I LOVE planning showers so I was excited to take on the roll but I could see how someone who’s not that into it would feel a bit slighted. I do think that it’s kind of crappy that your friend asked you to host her shower since as far as I’m concerned, hosting is pretty much a volunteer type of thing. It would be one thing if this was all discussed between the bridesmaids and they asked if you would handle it but for the bride to make the request is a bit rude.
Post # 14
that’s awful. you’re doing all the legwork, but on the day of, her Maid/Matron of Honor will get the special status. i think I direct convo with the bride is in order. Use diplomacy and don’t accuse, but make sure she’s aware of how you’re feeling (over-worked, under-acknowledged…)
Post # 15
Depends on why you’re hesitant. I think you should talk to her and figure this out. I think you should help, but she shouldn’t assume that you’re going to do it all.