Post # 46
RunLift1234 : Take your friend up on the offer! Thing is, you simply are not going to die on that flight. The more you fly the less anxiety you’ll have. It makes me so sad to think that you might miss out on an amazing opportunity in NYC due to fear. I think that when you’re old, it would be a mad shame to look back on your life and see the opportunities you missed out on due to an irrational phobia. Anxiety sucks but this is an experience you have to power through. Do this for YOU. Stop viewing flying to NYC as a choice. This isn’t a choice. You need to book a flight and get on that plane and make the most out of your life. Fear doesn’t get to control you.
Post # 47
I would do literally just about anything else on earth if it meant NOT taking a grayhound to NYC. Seriously I am one of those people who hates road trips. Honestly I much prefer to fly when applicable and even though air travel isn’t always convenient I just had car trips. I have 0 desire to travel on a bus.
I would visit your doctor to discuss your anxiety. Take your friend up on her offer to go with you, and just do it.
Post # 48
RunLift1234 : Ha thank you! But seriously, it took me a bit longer to get up the courage to do things. I was incredibly naive and stayed in bad longterm relationships when I was young. I didn’t learn to drive until I was 19, I didn’t go to college until I was 20. Every single time I made the decision to move abroad it was like jumping off a cliff. I was always absolutely terrified but excited at the same time. Sometimes I literally had to force myself to make the decisions I made because I KNEW they were the right ones. Now I can talk about it and say, “Oh I did this and this and this,” but you better believe that during that time I was scared.
Honestly? The reason things ended up being ok was because I always believed in people, and in general people have been kind. I make friends where I go, so then I have a support system. Even if I don’t speak the language, I smile and am friendly, and then I find that the Cambodian woman touches my shoulder to let me know the bus is leaving. The Japanese man following me for blocks was trying to return money I dropped. Etc. Most people are good and kind everywhere, no matter where you are, and they will help you. The friends I made became part of further adventures. I traveled alone sometimes, but I was also with friends I made along the way. The more you do, the more comfortable you are, and then there is less fear and more excitement and happiness.
So I think the best advice to you for all things, for your relationship, moving, and for any decision is that you should expect to be terrified! All major changes are terrifying. But learn to jump despite the fear, because it will be the most exciting and best thing you could ever do for yourself.
Post # 49
pocahontas28 : Not at all. I never planned on leaving for good especially without a job. I only had the goal of exploring my options there.
And also your statement is false I never expected him to go with me, I just asked if he would be interested
Post # 50
I agree with PPs that the best option is to figure out a way to fly there.
That said, I would *much, much* prefer a 100-hour train ride that cost 4x as much to a 60-hour bus trip. I’ve taken a 52-hour train trip before and it was very pleasant. We had a little sleeper room, they served three full meals a day in the dining car, we could walk around whenever we wanted, there were multiple bathrooms in case one had issues, etc. I used to do 10-12 hour bus trips pretty regularly in grad school and I’m just over it. The train is so much more comfortable.
Post # 51
Oh i see…that’s very different..
You didn’t expect him to take to to New York you just asked him if he was interested in taking you there to ‘explore your options” before leaving him because you don’t want to leave him until you have a job sorted…
Makes it sound much better 🙄🙄
Post # 52
sarbear21 : Totally off topic, but do you enjoy your job? My friend mentioned earlier this week about being interested in it, and TBH I’d never considered it before! She also said it paid well, which never hurts. Lol
To the OP: Valium is your friend. You can do this!
Post # 53
It is different yes. I only asked and wasn’t upset he said no. I don’t see how this response is helpful.
Post # 54
pocahontas28 : Well he did tell her that if she stayed in their hometown he couldn’t guarantee a commitment to her. He clearly isn’t that put off by the idea of her leaving. If he truly cared about her and their relationship he’d be offering to fly with her, move with her, etc. He isn’t doing those things because he doesn’t care about her and he doesn’t care if they break up. They obviously aren’t going to last. Regardless, it’s not that insane to think that he might take a weekend to support her in flying to NYC. Even her friend is offering that.
Post # 55
RunLift1234 : your original post said in your own words..you BEGGED him. And even offered to pay but he still said no.
That’s a bit different from “asking if he was interested”.
Why should he support her in this, her attempt to leave him. Will she expect him to help her find a new man too??
Their relationship is as good as over. He has made it clear as could be that he is not interested or committed to her, he is just waiting on her to find a job and leave. Maybe he should go with her actually, it might stop this farce dragging on another few months.
OP how do you plan on getting home from NYC? 60 hours on a bus back as well…are you sure NYC really is a dream place for you?
Post # 56
RunLift1234 : I certainly felt safe.
Post # 57
RunLift1234 : I used to be scared of flying (think bursting into tears before I have even sat down!) and then I had to fly on my own for work and knew that I just had to get over it. I hated flying because I am a control freak, but it really is a very safe way to travel.
Post # 58
RunLift1234 : Oh bee, please don’t take the bus.
I work in recruiting and we often buy bus tickets for out-of-state/area hiree’s to get to our main office for interviews/schooling, etc. We work in a niche industry and a lot of our employees don’t have transportation, hence why we buy bus tickets.
The bus is TERRIBLE and holy cow… for 60 hours. You’d spend just about 3 days of your trip in travelling alone! Not to mention the time also spent to get back home.
We will have people bus in and on a trip that would take maybe 4 hours to drive, it takes 11 via Greyhound and the route they take is ridiculous. Usually, the hirees we have come in on bus are completely drained by the time the reach us and they LOATHE the bus.
Post # 59
Time is money. Flying is more expensive, but it mostly comes out in the wash when you look at the cost per minute.
As for the safety? I get it. I have horrible anxiety and flying scares the shit out of me. Logically, though, you’re more likely to be killed on the ground than you are in the air. Hell, years ago in Canada a man was brutally murdered in his sleep on a Greyhound bus. Danger is literally everywhere, but (to play into your anxieties) look at it like this: a plane ride is only a few hours long, while a bus ride is 60. Far more dangerous things have the chance of happening during a 60 hour experience than they do during a 2-5 hour one. Girl, fly!
Post # 60
- Wedding: July 2017 - Nashville, TN
michellelynn9175 : It’s a fantastic job! You are away from home half the month so if that’s not an issue I say go for it! You need to enjoy spending your time in hotels too. It’s a complete lifestyle change but definitely a good one. I work for a regional airline and the pay is not what you would expect. Did you know flight attendants don’t make there hourly pay until the door on the plane is closed and you stop getting paid when the door opens again? Yeah the pay is not what you think. If you work for a mainline airline such as American, United etc that pay is much better but it’s harder to get a job with those airlines.