Is this a form of social anxiety?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
9052 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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paigelove :  I don’t think that’s social anxiety. If anything it’s anti-social anxiety! I wouldn’t want to go to lunch with people that ignore me either. 

Post # 3
Member
7558 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Hmm, I’m not sure if I’d call it social anxiety but maybe. The situation you described sounds boring as hell so I’d try to avoid it too. But when I find myself in situations like that, I don’t really feel anxious…more indifferent? If I start to feel anxious about keeping the conversation flowing, I remind myself that if no one else is making any effort to contribute to the convo, I shouldn’t feel any burden to do so either. That kinda frees me of the anxiety feeling.

Post # 5
Member
653 posts
Busy bee

The same thing happened to me at a work lunch not long ago, and I was so taken aback I ended up leaving earlier than I probably would have, as we had some time left on break.  

I do think there has been a major shift in how people interact with each other.  If I could create a “no phone” rule for social occasions, I would.  When I’m around even my friends or my SO, I never pull out my phone unless there is a specific reason to do so.  At a networking or other social function?  My phone might come out to show someone a photo, but that’s still unlikely.  Face to face interaction is crazy important.  

I don’t think that what you have is exactly social anxiety, but more that you’re uncomfortable with how things have changed.  You’ll have to adjust accordingly, because I think people will have their smartphones attached to their eye sockets before long.  :-/

Post # 6
Member
604 posts
Busy bee

Since its a social situation and its making you anxious, I would call it social anxiety. It doesn’t sound like a very fun enviornment to be in, and I would probably want to avoid those lunches once in a while too, but if you’re doing it all the time it might not be good for your job. I would just suck it up and try to attend occasionally. 

Post # 9
Member
11385 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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paigelove :  download a good book to your phone and read it during the next lunch, thereby achieving something while playing the social game for business purposes. 

 

Post # 11
Member
2660 posts
Sugar bee

In the situation you described it’s probably because they’re very comfortable around each other (so were comfortable being quiet around each other) whereas you were the new comer. It’s definitley uncomfortable to sit quietly at lunch with people you don’t know that well, it’s just that you were the only one that didn’t know people, so were the only one feeling awkard about it. That would make anyone uncomfortable I think!

 

Post # 12
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee

I think they were being very rude based on the behavior you describe. They should have welcomed you and made a point to inquire how you were adjusting. 

I would also avoid going to their lunches.  If there’s no legitimate social interaction, I’d prefer to just do my own thing on my own time. It’s not anxiety on your part, it’s trying to avoid rude people. 

I absolutely think social graces have declined due to phones and other electronics. It starts young, too. I have seen so many children in restaurants and other public areas glued to their screens. They’re not learning how to interact normally because they’re just not interacting. 

Post # 13
Member
9990 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I think I would go so far as to say “is this a working lunch only then?  ‘ Because if so , I’ll just go through my emails etc.  Otherwise, I’d  love for us to put our phones way and talk to each other”

But I’m also almost certainly older than you and I don’t care so much now  if people are shocked. 

Post # 14
Member
610 posts
Busy bee

It’s not social anxiety, I’m way too aware of the DSM criteria as I have a debilitating form of it and I’ve had it to some degree my whole life. I don’t have any actual advice though other than to just avoid the lunches if it bugs you. I don’t really see the point of a group getting together to have lunch if they’re not actually going to speak though, that’s weird. 

Post # 15
Member
505 posts
Busy bee

Did you go only once? Try going once more and see what happens; if they say “oh hey, how come you don’t come out with us anymore?” Just tell them the truth. I would say that this is what happened the last time and it was not an enjoyable nor productive experience. Everyone will step up if you say something. 

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