(Closed) Is this a good rule for kids at a wedding? What to say to parents!

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
9913 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s just very wishy-washy.  I get where you’re coming from, but I think a hard line in the sand type rule is more beneficial here.  I.e., no kids under X years or something like that.

In the end, you can establish whatever rule you want, but realize that some people will decline the invite based on the rule, and there will probably be hurt feelings by those who follow your rule but then see a ton of other kids there. 

Post # 3
Member
9189 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
lunafreya :  do not make rules or explain your reasoning for inviting some kids and not others. A simple “I’m sorry we aren’t able to accomodate your children, I hope you can still make it” is sufficient. That doesn’t leave any opening for someone to find a loophole in your excuses. Some people will come without the kids and some will decline the invitation – both are fine. 

Post # 4
Hostess
1440 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think it’s easier to do “certain kids only” if you limit it to a smaller group, like bridal party kids only or immediate family kids only. 

But it is your party, so if you want to make “only kids we’ve met” the rule, just be consistent with it

Post # 5
Member
3046 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

I’d imagine trying to do it this way will cause a problem. Not bc you want to exclude certain kids but bc you’re allowing so many others at the same time. Like if you said only children of siblings and those participating in the wedding that might be easier for people to understand than telling some no and having them show up to see a couple dozen other kids there. We’ve just made it simple. No kids, don’t like it then feel free to decline. Have no clue what etiquette dictates I just don’t see this working out well.

Post # 6
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

View original reply
lunafreya :  I think it’s a weird rule (because there might have been totally valid reasons why you hadn’t met/seen that kid(s) in the last year) but hey if that’s the rule you’re going with, you have to stick to it. I wouldn’t explain the rule to anyone asking about kids though because it probably won’t go well.

When people say can I bring little Suzy to the wedding and/or just RSVP with uninvited kids (or anyone), simply say: We’re sorry, we can only accommodate those listed on your invitation. We understand if this means you aren’t able to attend, however we do hope to see you there. Please let us know by [Date] how many of the listed invitees will be attending.

ETA: Do keep in mind though, if you insist on the no kids we haven’t seen/met in a year rule, that people will NOT get it when they show up kid-free to your wedding and then see a ton of other little ones running around. It’s one thing when it’s clear that it’s only immediate kids (children of the bride/grooms siblings or their own), or when it’s a clear cutoff (only kids 13+). When it’s essentially random, people are going to be miffed.

Post # 7
Member
8457 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Did you already send out the invites?

Honestly I think it’s kind of rude to let some people bring their kids and not others.

Post # 8
Member
6349 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I think this will cause a problem. I’m not saying you CAN’T do it this way, but I can see other parents with kids that weren’t invited getting upset. They’ll come to your wedding and see 25 other children (that’s a lot of kids) and wonder why their child was excluded. And even if they get your reasoning, they might think that since you already had such a large number of children, what difference would a couple more make? Also, as for this cousin, if you give her the “only kids we’ve met/seen in the last year” rule, she might think it’s strange because you haven’t even seen HER in the last 3 years. 

Post # 10
Member
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It’s not the worst rule but not the best either. You might find you have a lot of problems and a lot of pissy would b guests making demands, requests for exceptions, etc. My advice would be to either include all kids or none. Probably none, as there are so many. We had a kid free wedding and it was a great choice.

Post # 11
Member
9189 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I don’t understand why kids need to be an all or nothing thing at weddings. You get to choose the guests! People invite some friends and not others (even some family members and not others) based on your personal relationship with the guest. 

Post # 12
Member
5985 posts
Bee Keeper

 

View original reply
lunafreya :  My SIL allowed for all immediate family of hers to bring children no one else.  So that meant I could bring my LO, my brothers (in laws) could bring their children, and that was it.  No other family could bring it because she couldn’t accommodate it.

Post # 13
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

You’re going to run into a huge amount of trouble for this rule. The only rules that won’t produce drama are “all kids invited” and “no kids invited” with no exceptions whatsoever. If either scenario does produce drama, it’s on the guest, not you. 

Post # 14
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Kids are a tricky situation. I think if it won’thurt your guest numbers with catering then go ahead and invite them but if it will then just let them know you can’t accommodate them… 

Both mine & FI’s family have kids so we are opting for a no kid wedding. 

Post # 15
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Not a good rule.  These busy parents could say, “Hey, not my kids’ fault their single adult aunt/cousin never made the effort to get to know them.”   

I’d stick to a rule involving an age limit or just your siblings’  kids.

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