(Closed) Is this a lot for my Bridesmaids to pay?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I offer to pay for more for my bridesmaids to offset their costs?

    Yes, dress/alterations/shoes/hotel are a LOT.. Offer to pay for their hair to help out!

    Yes, dress/alterations/shoes/hotel are a LOT.. Offer to pay for PART of their hair costs.

    Yes, dress/alterations/shoes/hotel are a LOT.. Offer to pay for something else [[Comment ideas]]

    No, buying their jewelry and clutch is plenty!

    No, paying for these things is part of being a bridesmaid!

    Maybe buy them an additional gift as a thank you! [[Comment ideas]]

  • Post # 62
    Member
    1612 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    If I was a bridesmaid I couldn’t afford that on my hair! but i would feel left out being the only girl not having her hair done with the other girls.

    is there anyway to get someone Cheaper then that salon to come to you to do your hair with your girls?

    then everyone saves?

     

    Post # 63
    Member
    718 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @lovelove1028:  I’m so glad it worked out for you! $90 seems on the low end for me in terms of updos- but I pay a lot for my hair in general.

    i didn’t see the problem with this post to begin with. I was in a wedding almost 3 yrs ago- I had to fly in to NYC from LA, and incur those charges. I wasn’t working at the time so th bride bought my dress (I will return the favor this time around). She gave all her maids the option of getting their hair done. The MOH’e mom is a stylist but it was expensive and I was too jetlagged to make the 7am call time. I didn’t feel pressure from her to get my hair done, and I didn’t feel bad telling her that I couldn’t make it… We both understood. No big deal πŸ™‚

    Post # 64
    Member
    1043 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @lovelove1028:  I did not see one post where people said how “rude” you were to not offset the costs.  The title of your post is “Is this a lot for my Bridesmaid or Best Man to pay?”  In fact, it seems to me like most of the posters here were trying to make you see things from a Bridesmaid or Best Man perspective, that yes, it is a lot to pay.  No one was snarky.  Like so many other posts on this forum, you don’t get the answers you want to hear so you get all pissy and tell people to “stop posting”.  No one tried to “guilt” you or make you feel like an “a$$hole”.

     

    Post # 65
    Member
    367 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @lovelove1028: I think it’s very sweet of you to be considering your BMs’ financial situations while planning this whole wedding and being so flexible with things. πŸ™‚ I’m kind of in the same boat myself. My BMs are all flying out to Thailand for my wedding. They’re doing their own makeup and hair, but I’m paying for their dresses (on top of jewelry and a Bridesmaid or Best Man basket) because I feel really guilty about them having to pay for the hotel and air ticket. The night before the wedding, we’re all staying in my suite, and I’m paying for that. Have the girls already gotten their dresses? I am a big fan of RK Bridal’s prices (they’re an authorized retailer and have a physical store in NYC), and I saw these dresses that were sold for 200 dollars at a regular bridal salon for only 140 at RK, so maybe you want to check that out if they haven’t already gotten them? I’m planning on ordering all the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses from RK. It’ll save me a whole lot of money. We’re on a pretty tight budget as well, but the way we see it – our bridal party consists of people who have been with us through thick and thin and it’s important to do as much as we can for them even though it’s our wedding.

    Post # 66
    Member
    1002 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    If you’re not requiring the professional hair, I think it’s fine to not offer to pay. It’d be a nice gesture if you could swing it, though.

    Post # 67
    Member
    248 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I think you’re being reasonable.. When you tell a bride you’re going to be a bridesmaid, you should already have it in your head that you’re going to need to fork over a big chunk of money… If you cannot afford the expenses that come along with it, then they should have respectfully declined. 

    I’m not having a wedding, and the bridesmaid ordeal is a big chunk of it.. People start complaining about you behind your back and whatnot.. and handling a group of girls at once is very stressful.

    When I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man at my friends wedding, this is what I had to pay:
    Dress: 170
    Alterations: 25
    Shoes: $50
    Hair: $100
    Flight AND hotel (though Fiance paid for those… but some of the other BMs had to travel in too)
    Bachelorette/Shower: $160

    I did my own make up, so I didnt pay for that. But the makeup artist she hired chrged all the girls $100 to do their make up.
    The worst part of it all was that her wedding was planned within 6 months.. She got engaged in Feb, and got married in August. I didn’t get asked to be a bridesmaid until about April…

    Yea, its a lot of money, but I knew it was gonna be. Think about how much the bride is paying for the wedding in itself..

    [sigh] Weddings are too dang stressful! lol 

    Post # 68
    Member
    51 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Given their conversations with you, and given the fact that they upgraded to a suit (I have never stayed in a suit!), I don’t think you have anything to worry about. 

    It also seems like you have a realistic expectation of what they should be spending overall. But if hair is truely “optional” don’t say “I’d really love you to get it done.” If they were concerned about money, that would come off as really passive aggressive. But, they aren’t so NBD. 

    Also recognize that some costs like a bra / getting nails done they will incur because they will want to look nice in front of everyone. They might not have done those things if they could hide out in the crowd. So, be appreciative, but you don’t have to buy them bras, haha!

     

     

    Things that I will be doing to save mine $$$ while not breaking my budget (for the benefit of anyone needing similar advice): 

    Paying a friend to do their hair in the hotel room(works in a salon, not a cosmetologist, but can do a simple up do) for $25+tip. None of  them felt comfortable doing their hair themselves. I personally learned how to do updos on myself to avoid paying for it as a bridesmaid. I will more than likely have a professional come to the room for me / my mom.  

    Paying for hotel (but I will be staying there too — $200 for 2 standard rooms),

    Driving them to the rehearsal from our hometown (they expressed concern about driving back/forth 1 hour– I’m like– that’s my commute haha!),

    Picking dresses that cost between $112-120 (mori lee + discount at bridal shop),

    Chosing the same color shoes from a wedding we were in last summer = free. 

    So, I am covering about $350 worth of extra expenses, and probably saving them a total of $670 (savings from carpooling, cheap hair expenses, and finding discounted dresses). 

    Post # 69
    Member
    51 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Also please ignore my spelling. Sometimes its 3am and you can’t sleep… or spell. haha. 

    Post # 71
    Member
    1612 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @lovelove1028:  it doesn’t have to be a salon ! There are plenty of girls that would rather have that money under the table !

    Post # 72
    Member
    248 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    @lovelove1028:  Yea.. The make up artist charged $85 for regular make up (liquid foundation) and $100 for airbrush make up.. ANd an additinal $15 for false eye lashes.. I do agree that it was a bit much. I did my own make up, but I had the make up artist apply falsies and do my eye liner.. She charged me $20 for it (ugh! she definitely over charged Undecided
    The bride had a pampering bachelorette day too.. She didnt do a typical bachelorette thing. The $160 per person (there were 7 bridesmaids total) went towards her spa serivces as well as her bridal shower gifts.. We all got her a giant Coach tote bag, a pair of beach sandals with her new last name, some lingerie (i think), and some other stuff.. I couldnt attend cause I couldnt afford to fly out to New Jersey for it (thats where she lived), but it was still my duty as her bridesmaid to contribute financially 

    Post # 73
    Member
    453 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    try 6pm.com for shoes!  We just order nina freja there and when we order they were on sale for 23.95!  now they’re back up to 59.99 (supply and demand)   if you order from here make sure EVERYONE does it the same day to ensure the same price- if it changes during that day call and they will honor the original price.

    I hope my girls get their hair done but I told them it’s up to them.  Most of them also opted to get make up surprisingly.  When I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man I had to pay 90$ for my hair, 90$ for alterations, $175 for the dress and $30 for the shoes… IT was a lot and it made me certain I would not do that to my girls.

    My Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses were $134, shoes $24, hair $40+, make up $40+, hotel $129 per night

    Post # 74
    Member
    120 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I was Maid/Matron of Honor in a wedding in May and paid $100 for hair AND $100 for makeup as a BRIDESMAID (that I didn’t even like) … even my own bridal hair & makeup for my wedding didn’t cost that much.  My Bridesmaid or Best Man dress for her wedding was close to $300 on top of all the other costs that go along with being MOH/bridesmaid I believe I spent close to $1,500.  The wedding was in New Jersey and I understand things cost a lot more here than other places.  I agreed to be Maid/Matron of Honor for my friend therefore I did not complain about the costs (even though I thought it was outrageous).

    I think it’s nice you’re even considering contributing to some of your BM’s costs & keeping their finances in mind.  My friend didn’t offer or even seem to care about the money we had to spend.  I would have really appreciated if she would have chipped in for part of the dress or hair, or given us a choice to do our own hair/makeup… heck, it would have been nice just to have her acknowledge the fact that what she was asking us to pay WAS a lot.. but she didn’t, and if you can’t tell I’m a little bitter! hah!

    I think you are a good friend for being concerned about what they will have to pay as BMs.

    Post # 75
    Member
    1436 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    It definitely sounds expensive but that’s part of being a bridesmaid. I think you’ve done enough and now it’s on them to carry on with the rest!

    Post # 76
    Member
    192 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I think that the dress and shoes are normal prices. I think that when they said yes to being a bridesmaid they probably expected to pay for that. I would be upset if I was a bridesmaid and the bride wanted me to spend an additional $90 on hair. That’s not something I would have expected to pay for. Even if it wasn’t required, I would feel obligated to go to make the bride happy on her special day.

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