- 2 years ago
- Wedding: July 2018
Hi bees, going anon for this one.
I recently moved to a new city, where I met my bridesmaid at work. We became friends very quickly the way that you do working together every day.
Her personality is very intense, and my personality is very intense, but in a mellower way – we’re both type A, but I’m a lot quieter. Because of this intensity she is a ton of fun – she always has a shocking joke, and she isn’t afraid to share her opininions.
After a year of friendship, I became engaged, I asked her to be my bridesmaid. She is the only Bridesmaid or Best Man who lives in this new city (everybody else is flying in).
The issue is that lately our friendship has been struggling. She’s the only bridesmaid here, and she said that she would come to my dress fitting, but got drunk the night before and couldn’t show up. I forgave her straigtaway (she felt terrible, and it was an accident), but I was a bit put out. She then promised that she’d come to every single bridal fitting I had afterwards (which was really nice of her), but followed that promise up by saying “to make sure you don’t suck your stomach in to look skinny when you’re trying on your dress.” Oftentimes, her comments are barbed like this, and it really gets to me. I know that I am too sensitive, so I do try to just let them bounce off when they happen. They tend to be targeted at my physical appearance/how much I eat/etc. “she’d never eat this because it’s not healthy. do you wear baggy clothes to make yourself look even skinnier?”
The issue is that lately, she has been very moody, and when she gets this way, her entire attitude towards me changes. When I ask if she’s okay, she says ‘she’s fine’, but will go from chatting to me at work all day (sorry #company!) to absolutely nothing at all, or she’ll address the three other colleagues in a group conversation, but not me. And it is really easy for me to set her off by accident. It feels like I’m living in the 4th grade, and I’m not sure how to handle it because it is such bizarre behaviour. One day a comment gets a laugh, the next day an identical comment will completely shut her down: “you should get a puppy!” “”yes I totally should!” -> “what breed would you get?” “you know I can’t have one right now. I don’t want to talk about it.”
I am really concerned that she’ll pull behaviour like this on/around my wedding day, especially as all of my other BM’s are wonderful, supportive women whom I love. I know that the rest of them will all get along, but I am concerned that they will not get along with this Bridesmaid or Best Man because she doesn’t do well when she’s not the center of attention.
What do I do? When she’s in a good mood she’s a ton of fun to be with. When she’s moody, I try to step in to see if she needs a friend, but respectfully give her space without taking offense if she takes me up on it. When that moodiness extends to the weird behaviour directed at me, I want nothing to do with her.
I could try to have the: “when you _____ it makes me feel _____” conversation, but I’m worried that that will come off as me attacking her character, and I am not trying to do that, I’m just trying to shine a light on how her behavior makes me feel. I want her in my party, but not her moody attitude 😐
Honestly, though: do I just suck it up? Am I just being too sensitive? Going anon so the hive can be as blunt as you need to be.