Post # 1
I love my guy very much and have been together for 3 years.We decided not to get engaged instead just proceed to marriage in 2013.We live in Miami since we were both kids.Miami is a very exciting city with many provocative women.Breast augmentation and buttocks implants is like bread and water to many women here.My guy loves me too and has shown it in many ways not just in materialistic ways but also with actions and sacrifices enough to earn my love and trust.He had an active sex life while he was abroad in Germany before we met and I can surely say that he has had his share of women so he is not deprived.BUT, there is a BUT coming along…Each time we go to the beach I see him staring at all these women with bigger boobs than me, I have small boobs and not so firm..:( …and dont want to add implants either because of all the health complications that arise with time. I am fit but lack in the boobs.He will not stare constantly but he will look with interest and I believe he does it unconsciously.Now, I know all men look and all men tend to stray since they’re not monogamous, (though so far my man has not strayed yet) but this makes me feel insecure about myself.I have eyes in the back of my head and I know each time he looks at other women.At first, I didnt tell him anything but later I decided to confront him and when I did he told me that he doesnt look and if he does look it’s because he always checks out people in general and that he loves me the way I am and he agrees with me not to have implants.He also has told me from the start of our relationship that he prefers small perky boobs…thing is my boobs are small but not perky and I hide them each time I have to undress in front of him. I even wear an open cup bra which I got from a sex shop in order to lift my boobs but have them also expose to have sex and he tells me he likes them like that…….so why would he tell me he likes them like that when he tells me he loves me the way I am?? and most of all, why does he check out women with big boobs? One time, while at a trip to a Greek island, there was a woman with the perfect size and breasts that while I was sunbathing and he was in the water, he was just mesmerized looking at her!!!!…:(
I am not insecure about my body because I have a good butt, BUT I am insecure and always will be about my breasts.This will never change and dont care what the media is trying to project about ”accept yourself the way you are” and all this mambo jumbo..I mean, truly now, can an obese woman accept herself the way she is be happy? I dont believe she would honestly be. So, I am also honestly saying I will always be insecure about my breasts instead to sugar coat it as if the problem does not exist.Is this a warning sign before we get married? Do you think he is doing it without realising it or is this something to worry about??
Post # 3
First of all, I really do feel for you. I’ve been to Miami enough times to notice all the beautiful women (and men) who are seemingly perfect on the outside..! I was joking to my friends when we were there for a bachelorette party that you probably can’t be above a size 4 to be allowed to live in Miami. At least, that’s what it seemed like HAHA.
In all seriousness, my concern would not be his fascination in big breasts, but rather why he is oggling them in front of you. I wouldn’t mind if my man is out with his group of friends and checking out eye candy, but to do that in front of me.. I find that disrespectful in a sense. Now granted, sometimes men will know this and they simply cannot help themselves and will sneak a peek. I know my man has a tendency to sneak a peek when he sees a pretty girl (say for instance when we’re in a supermarket). This bothers me a little, but I quickly realize that this is human nature and that men are super visual creatures in general. Heck, I even sneak a peek at a really good-looking man from time to time myself. If I were you, I’d turn my head away and think of the really good qualities that you DO love in your man.
I really do think your guy loves you as much as he says he does, with or without big breasts. What I really do believe is that you shouldn’t have to enhance your body parts in any way, but you really should work on that confidence of yours..! Men can sense confidence right away, and THAT is super sexy.
Now here’s the clincher that’s really going to make you think..
No matter HOW sexy, how sweet, how intelligent, how beautiful your breasts/butt are, how nice your legs are, etc…. your man will always feel the need to look. This is why porn is so popular with men – it gives them freedom to variety.
So what I guess I’m trying to say is.. it’s definitely not you. But you do have to let men be men. Be happy that he hasn’t acted on any desires. If breasts were that important to him, you probably wouldn’t be together.
I hope you feel better..!
Post # 4
@romantical: Thank you sooo much for your kind words! You are right about everything and I do agree men will always look etc. no matter how good of a body a girl has. BUT dont you think that what a girl does NOT have, a guy might wished (silently) she did have??…and so with time, wouldnt that lead him to stray one day????
Post # 5
I can’t tell if your Fiance is German or just spent time in Germany….. but Europeans have a completely different mindset about sexuality than Americans. They are more open and laid-back about nudity in general and view bodies as beautiful first rather than sexual. He is probably looking beause he appreciates beauty. Unless he is damaged emotionally, he wouldn’t be with someone he considers inferior or not as good and he wouldn’t be with someone who turns him off.
A few things stuck out at me from your post, however, that have nothing to do with your husband……
Self-esteem actually has NOTHING to do with reality. Self esteem is emotionally based. It is unfortunate that you don’t like your breasts and are ashamed of them to the point that you hide them from your husband. He has proven that he is an admirer, and so to hide these from your husband for what you believe is your own shortcoming is very sad to me.
You make some pretty general comments about how someone could like themselves if they are different than what the media says is beautiful. That, my dear, is the very definition of self-esteem. Liking yourself for who and what you are AS IS RIGHT NOW. Not in 3 months when you’ve dropped that last 10 pounds or the parts of you that don’t have cellulite or if you only had….. self-esteem and self-worth is the acceptance and love for yourself regardless of what others think or prefer.
Further, you indicated that you don’t know how an obese woman could truly like herself….. I’d like to share with you that I am heavy. I am a size 18-20 and have been since after college (I will also tell you that in high school I was a size 4-6). I have good self-esteem and I find worth in myself and I think I’m pretty. I llive a fairly healthy lifestyle and I eat well. I do like myself. I like how I look and I would never “hide” parts of myself from the man that I love. I accept the way that I am and I am happy. I don’t feel that I would be happier if I was “skinnier” or “richer” or anything….. because I have been skinny and I’ve made more money and neither of those made me “happy”.
I wish you luck with your struggles to accept yourself despite your feeling that you cannot.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@romantical: +1000 “No matter HOW sexy, how sweet, how intelligent, how beautiful your breasts/butt are, how nice your legs are, etc…. your man will always feel the need to look. This is why porn is so popular with men – it gives them freedom to variety.”
@SeaSunSand: Guys stray for different reasons. I don’t think you can say that because he stares at girls with big boobs that he’s going to cheat on you with a girl with big boobs. Amazingly there are guys that do not cheat on their wives and girlfriends; just as there are women that do cheat on their husbands and boyfriends. It works both ways.
As for letting him know that his staring is unappreciated, I would stick to requesting that he wear sunglasses and be a bit more discreet when gawking (you’re never going to convince him not to look.) I have always taken it in stride and pointed out the really hot girls for my boyfriends to look at; that way I am involved and not as upset by his looking since I saw her first.
Honestly, when it somes to insecurity regarding your body the only thing that will change that is time and learning how to be comfortable with your body (or getting surgery if you feel that it’s necessary.) The older I get the less problem I have with the flaws of my body and the sexier I feel because I am more comfortable and confident in my own body.
Post # 7
To your last comment. Some men are cheaters. Some men will cheat even if they have the best looking woman in the world because they are weak and small or because they don’t value themselves or the people they choose to be around. They cheat because they are angry or they have not learned healthy coping strategies.
Some men are not cheaters. They will never cheat.
What I can tell you, without a shadow of a doubt, is that if a man would cheat on you because he feels your breasts are too small or he wants to be with a woman who has something that you “dont” it is because that man is a cheater. Plain and simple. He hasn’t cheated because you “lack” or because he wants “more” he cheats because he is dishonest and disrespectful.
Post # 8
@SeaSunSand: I don’t really think you have anything to worry about. If your guy was trying to get you to get implants then I’d be worried.
I think it’s human nature to look at other people… heck, I ‘check out’ women all the time and I don’t lean that way at all.
You could always get a boob lift. If on one hand you can’t accept/love your boobs then it IS possible to do something about it that isn’t that drastic. I had a reduction/lift and I am way happier w. my boobs now.
Edit: I forgot to mention that your ‘all men are cheaters’ or whatever comment threw me for a bit of a loop. That definitely is not true.
Post # 9
Men will ALWAYS look at boobs – they are genetically-programmed to do so. Some just look with far more discretion than others. When it’s obvious, like at the beach, I like to make a point by obviously staring at men’s crotches, in fact I’ll even make “yummy sounds” on occasion. It seems to get the point across rather well.
Post # 10
It is not a warning sign he will stray really, it is a warning sign that it could heighten your insecurity and lead to issues in the relationship.
Taking him out of the equation, would you be happier with yourself if you got some work done? Nothing drastic, but something small? I know you said you are against implants, but I thought I would ask.
Post # 11
He’s a man… Its like in their DNA. Not to say thats an excuse or that he’s allowed to look… if he say actually wanted any of these women or something like that. But I’ve had a similar situation. A few years ago Fiance would point out all these women to me and i could see him stare if the big jugs came by (he stares at the tv but just glances in person) Either way it made me feel like crap because I can’t measure up to women like that – its not my fault i was born with small boobs. But he’s also told me he likes small boobs … “no more then a handful” as he desribes it. lol. He described it as being a natural inclination to look. Not that he wants to touch them or that he’d rather have a girl with bigger boobs. But its just “nice to look at” I ofcourse told him he can’t look. So he’s like so why do you look at the guys with 6 packs on tv. Um cus its a 6 pack and its hott and its nice to look at sometimes- crappp… I hate it when he’s right!
I’ll admit some of those guys with 6 packs are nice to look at. I don’t MEAN to – its just where my eye goes if they are like right in front of me. Does it mean i don’t love my Fiance because he doesn’t have a six pack or am I gonna go run off and find a guy that has a 6 pack – ofcourse not! Heck I don’t even think i could stand being with a guy that does cus i’d feel like i didnt measure up. What he’s saying makes sense – and chances are he litterally doesn’t even reallize he’s doing it until after.
Just tell him how it makes you feel and he should make an effort to not make it so obvious atleast. It still bugs me sometimes cus like I said he physically can’t stop completely but he doesn’t do it in front of me a lot. – one glance i don’t mind if its like a stare or a bunch of woman – i’ll be like Hi remember me? and he’ll pull his cute little guilty “hiiii…”.
Post # 12
People look. I bet you look too! It could very well be that he is ogling these women- and if he is, he needs to stop- but a casual look here or there should not be a matter of concern. My boyfriend looks sometimes, and so do I! If a beautiful, or even just provocatively dressed woman (with or without huge exposed breasts) walks by, how do you not look? It’s human nature, we look at our surroundings. I have small breasts too, and he loves me, and them- and I would NEVER worry that he would cheat on me because of the size of my breasts.
Wearing different types of lingerie during sex also doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you the way you are- men enjoy some variety and visual stimulation. He wouldn’t be with you and constantly reassure you if he did not love you and your body. He wouldn’t have sex with you either!
Self esteem has nothing to do with your outside, but your inside. I’m what most people would consider to be a fairly attractive person- but for years and years and years, I HATED the way I looked. My body hasn’t changed much- in fact, I’m a little bit heavier since those days (5-10 lbs)- but I’ve grown to value and accept myself. I’m a thin person with a pretty enough face, but my breasts are small and my butt enormous (but not in the nicest way). I’m still a little insecure in a bathing suit, but there is no part of me that my boyfriend has not seen and adored. Most importantly, I feel good about myself when I look in the mirror. I like who I am.
I wouldn’t say that his behavior is necessarily a warning sign before marriage- but your low self esteem and insecurities might be. Loving yourself is the first step to truly loving and opening yourself up to someone else…and it can be very hard for one partner and the relationship if the other has insecurity/jealousy issues.
Post # 13
@3xaCharm: This is very correct: “He is probably looking beause he appreciates beauty. Unless he is damaged emotionally, he wouldn’t be with someone he considers inferior or not as good and he wouldn’t be with someone who turns him off”.
He is not German but he’s been in Germany for 7 years and adopted to some Euro ways and thinking over there, that’s for sure and I agree with you. I have been overweight too in the past and I did not like my body. Some people do and some dont. I dont think things have to a certain way mentally speaking. For example, ‘I have to learn to like my droopy small breasts’…I want to be realistic, I know this wont happen because I also do admire nice bodies and human proportions and I believe that my breasts compared to other, better ones out there, rate more likea 4..:( Honestly, I even thought of gaining weight again to fill my breasts with fat tissue so they can be bigger and fuller! I give you thumbs up for your confidence and thank for you encouraging words! 🙂
Post # 14
@SeaSunSand: ”Now, I know all men look and all men tend to stray since they’re not monogamous, (though so far my man has not strayed yet)”
Where does this notion come from that men aren’t monogamous? Some women aren’t monogamous either… Sorry to be frank, but there are many many men in the world that are monogamous and seriously, it’s what we deserve.
About him checking other girls out, as long as he is not starring and starring, I wouldn’t be too worried. A quick glance is fine in my books. I too check other people out, naturally. Sometimes, my guy and I check out people together, lol, like our waitress. It also depends on the nature of your relationship, what works for others might not work for some. I think the important thing here is communication and being able to do so openly if need be.
Post # 15
@beachbride1216: I liked this one! “I have always taken it in stride and pointed out the really hot girls for my boyfriends to look at; “…lool I think Ill even TELL him which one to look at so he wont miss one………! As for surgery, trust me, I thought about it many times but since my cousin’s health got worst after she got her implants, i am very hesistant but I do understand your point though. Truth is, I was always confident with my body, I lift weights and do natural bodybuilding but since I seriously fell for my guy and caught him looking….just cant help the insecurities he started building in me though I know he’s not doing on purpose.
Post # 16
@3xaCharm: Yes, you’re right that men will cheat if they’re cheaters. My issue is that he might be thinking of other better breasts when we have sex to get turned on!! Could he be?? God only knows what men are thinking when they’re having sex….