(Closed) is this abuse or am I over reacting

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 107
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 It’s abuse the second he demeans you, or makes you out to be the one in the wrong passive agressive socialpathic behaviour is difficult to see. I can understand why you didn’t see the red flag(they can be amazing munipulators, i was best friends with someone like this) i hope you can see past all the good times you two shared and do what is best for you and leave this relashionship.I promise you he is only out for himself if you asked a question like this you must have your gut instinct telling you it’s wrong. Listen to it.

Post # 108
Member
1529 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I would like to add that this was very difficult for me to read. Like you, I was (at one time) unable to understand what abuse looked like. Many women and to a lesser degree, men, have trouble identifying abusive behaviour because it is all they have known.

It scares me that you didn’t know he wasn’t joking.  In this particular case he set out to harm you physically, emotionally and verbally. If you put your hand to his mouth in a joking manner twice without realizing his ill tempered mood and the potential of harm, you are in bigger danger than you realize.

This is a very toxic environment.

Leave. Now. Please.

Edited to add: It was NOT your fault. You had NO idea he was going to harm you. Please, please, please listen to my advice and leave.

Post # 109
Member
1529 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

View original reply
@helpmetoknowhwtsbest:  I just went back to read all of the posts, in detail and somehow missed this one about illness.

Having read it, I can tell you beyond any doubt now that you will never, ever, EVER change him. He sounds like a narcissist. Please look up the meaning. It does not mean he is just self-centered. It goes far deeper than that.

I left a very abusive relationship after 28 years. I was all but dead inside when I walked out the door. Had I stayed, I now realize that I would never had made it out alive. 

I was not “allowed” to be ill either. I was ignored, insulted, abused and pummelled to the ground in every way possible.  If I complained about anything, I lived to regret it. I learned to keep things to myself. I resided in the house (quietly) with a chronic pain disorder in order to “appear” normal. I tried to be well, I tried to trick myself, him, and all of my friends and family into thinking everything was ok. I wanted the dream of happiness, yearned for it, created an illusion of happiness; while living in a nightmare. 

I had a friend who had lived through an abusive relationship. She saw me in her. She saved my life by helping me see what I could not.  That was 7 years ago.

You must find the strength to do the same. This is not living, it’s dying. Save yourself now while you can sweetie.

You are NOT a nag. You did NOT deserve this treatment. Not now, not EVER.

Edited to add: Is there a hotline you could call for abused women? I do hope you return to let us know how you are.

 

Post # 110
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@helpmetoknowhwtsbest:  that is abuse!! get away from someone like that. even the way he speaks to you sounds absolutely horrible. You should never let someone treat you that way and wonder if it is alright. Even if there is an apology attached to it, it is wrong, and disrespectful. please do not stay with someone like that. 

 

it only gets worse.

Post # 111
Member
4429 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@helpmetoknowhwtsbest:  im so sorry your going thru this hun ; ( i will pray for you.

yes and you must leave him caz it will only get worst thru time.

blessings and i wish you safety and good luck!

Post # 112
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I could see you we’re joking. Putting your hand over his mouth in a playful way not such a big deal for it to escalate the way it did. No one should treat you that way. It is abuse both physical and verbal. He has a problem. I would consider moving on if I were you. He seems a little scary.   

Post # 113
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Verbal abuse: Calling you horrible names repeatedly for no reason. Threatening you.

Psychological abuse: Trying to get to doubt yourself and lower your self-esteem by saying you don’t remember half the things you say and also not letting you explain yourself. Making it clear he doesn’t value your opinion.

Physical abuse: Damaging you arm to the point where you can’t use it for everyday things and had to see a doctor about it.

Like many of the other ladies have said on here: Get out now! It won’t get better. Even if he had apologised profusely for hurting you, I would still advise you to leave. Many abusive partners apologise after beating their lovers and the whole scenario repeats itself over and over again. Since he cannot even acknowledge the wrong he has done to you, it’s likely to happen again much sooner.

Post # 114
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2014

It all starts somewhere. Little things turn into big things. He got beside himself for something so pity! Imagine when there is a bigger issue at hand. Be careful and stay safe.

Post # 115
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@helpmetoknowhwtsbest:  Omg, you don’t realize you are with an abuser, do you! Woman should not be treated that way, at all. He seems to be very violent. Please do yourself a favor, break up with him before worse things happen in the future.

Post # 116
Member
1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@helpmetoknowhwtsbest:  Yes that is abuse.

I was in an abusive relationship some time back.  It starts off just as you explained.  And it just escalates.  Pretty soon a shove turns into broken bones and black eyes.

You need to get away from this guy.  And get help for yourself.  AND DONT LIE TO THE DOCTOR!!

Post # 117
Member
1789 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
@ThreeMeers:  “Generally, if you have to even ask, then yes it is abuse in some form. Is this the first time he has acted like this?”

Yes. this!!

 

LEAVE. RIGHT. NOW.

Post # 118
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

RUN.

Post # 119
Member
719 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Has anyone heard from OP? I hope she is alright.

Post # 120
Member
1004 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I don’t think you really need us to tell you this is obviously abuse. Also, feeling like you need to lie to the doctor? To cover up what he’s done?? I’m sorry you are going through this. It can be really tough, but you need to do whatever you can to get out. It will only get worse. Actually talking to the doctor might help. S/he might be able to give you resources. Good luck. and please come back and let us know how you’re doing!

Post # 121
Member
337 posts
Helper bee

Dump the chump…abuse.

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