Post # 16
This is very serious. You’re right to not just accept this as a one time thing and forget it. Was he drinking a lot? Any chance he took some drugs? Seems like very weird behaviour.
I agree with the others above. I’d make a police report just to be safe. If anything happens again you have it as proof of previous bad behaviour. Sit him down seriously and tell him you’re not happy about his behaviour – you want an apology for both hitting you, and the behaviour afterwards. Tell him if you’re ever hit again you will leave – no discussion, no chance to apologize. You’re not a punching bag – and won’t stand for it.
Post # 17
Supersleuth : I actually agree here, it sounds dramatic but the fact that he didn’t stop after you clearly to,d hm it hurt, then ARGUED about it, worries me. If I were advising a friend, I would tell her to grab some shit and come and stay with me for at least tonight so she feels safe and gets some sleep. Do you have a friend or family member with a spare bed? Or a hotel nearby you can grab?
I also second the ideas of telling a close friend (not a mutual friend) and perhaps putting it on record with the police.
I would rather see you overreact to nothing than underreact to something.
Look after yourself, bee.
Post # 18
mishybear : I hindsight, he did drink kinda a lot. I think I’m counting 6 or so drinks over a 5 hour period. We are both fairly heavy drinkers, and that doesn’t sound/feel like a lot *for us* but objectively speaking, he may technically have been intoxicated.
Post # 19
confusedaf : I know it wasn’t the point of your post, but he had no business driving after 6 drinks.
Post # 20
He just came in here, flung the door open, and said good morning. I was actually stunned because I assumed he was going to hide from me all day. I was silent awhile and asked if that was all he had to say to me. He said that “good morning” is the first thing he wants to say, then announced he’d repeat it (as if to suggest he’d better receive a response in kind the next time). I replied that I don’t want to make small talk at this time and he shut the door and left. I did that because honestly, I don’t feel like being polite to him after what he’s put me through. And I don’t want to give off the idea that he’s entitled to seeing me in a chipper mood despite everything. As soon as he closed the door, I instantly regretted not saying good morning back to him because I know that he will use that as an excuse to refuse to engage with me on this.
Post # 21
WestCoastV : yeah…It honestly never crossed my mind until I started tallying just now.
Post # 22
Sounds like he was genuinely playing around with you and didn’t realize he was hurting you.
It also sounds like you completely over reacted.
There’s a big difference between him punching you four times in public and him poking you with his fingers in your butt.
Your severe over reaction here has probably made him feel like a total dick, hence why he’s barricaded himself in his room.
Sounds like you have no reason to be afraid of him, that just seems silly. You “discreetly” told him to stop, do you think there is a possibility he just wasn’t paying attention or didn’t hear you? This all seems like a great big cluster fuck of a misunderstanding.
What you SHOULD have done is had a grown up talk about how he accidentally hurt you, and how upset it made you.
Your marriage clearly has issues that extend far beyond this if you’re saying you don’t think you can get over this.
Go to counselling. Apologise. Talk.
If you choose to file a police report for this, the state you live in can actually press charges FOR you, and 99% of the time they do choose to do this. By filing a police report you could give your husband criminal charges for domestic violence over a misunderstanding. Not one thing you’ve said here points to abuse. Not one thing. And for reference, I am a Social Worker who deals with domestic violence all day long.
Post # 23
confusedaf : My guess is that he was trying to be fun and flirty by slapping you’re behind, accidentally hit too hard, and then doubled-down on it because he does not want to apologise.
I agree with the police report. That may seem extreme but my second guess would be that he filmed you smashing bottles as some sort of insurance. You might continue to live a happy and fulfilled marriage but that is the kind of thing where it is better to be safe than sorry. Get your ducks in a row and start counselling – he absolutely needs to learn how to communicate, there really is no way around that.
Post # 25
NDTieTheKnot : erm, he hit her four times even after she told him to stop, argued about which body part he used and refused time let her out of the car.
She absolutely has not overreacted
Post # 26
confusedaf : which again is unacceptable on his part. Refusing to engage because you quite understandably didn’t want to go along with the ‘everything is as happy as Larry’ facade is childish.
I really hope he starts to understand the consequences to his behaviour
Post # 27
Re-read every single thing Supersleuth said 100 times. I could not agree more.
Post # 28
I have to ask…could it have been an accident? You say you were all saying your goodbyes, so I picture many people bumping into each other while kissing checks and shaking hands. In a situation like that, perhaps somebody else hit you accidentaly? Perhaps he was pushed against you too hard? If he was drunk he could have also not measured his actions and thought he was gently pushing you to “hurry up home because I am peeing” (or something like that).
I do believe you overreacted. If this is the first time something like this happened and you have no reasons to truly believe he was trying to hurt you…wouldn’t it had been better to sit down calmly and ask for his version?
Post # 29
NDTieTheKnot : I had to reread this four times. Overreacted?! What? He punched her in public several times after she told him to stop. That’s not an overreaction.
Post # 30
I am 1000% with supersleuth on this one. Literally everything she said is spot on.
Especially the filming. I’d start creating your own type of vids/photos to document the actual thing that causes you to blow off steam (which is him hitting you?!?!) because later you’re going to file a report or tell someone of his abuse and he’s going to whip out his damn video archives and say, “no SHE’s crazy!!! Look at this that I have to deal with poor me.”
Everything about this situation is already volatile. He sounds manipulative as fuck.