confusedaf : I will say to you what I say to my 20 year old daughter. If something doesn’t it is because it doesn’t make sense.
So does what your husband say make sense?
At first he didn’t admit he’d hit you and then he eventually admitted he had touched you and then after further prompting admitted he’d heard you telling him to stop. Then he wouldn’t acknowledge he had hurt you because (he said) that he had no intention of hurting you. Then he cried and kept iinsisting he isn’t an abuser. Then he goes on about how hurt he is rather than how hurt you are. Then he says he is going to withdraw play and touching and humour. The subtext of this is that the problem is somehow your oversensitivity and lack of humour.
All this is not normal thinking from him. There is clearly a great reluctance to deal with the truth and a great need to put any blame on you. Worse, he’s trying to deny your (very real) version of reality. It’s gaslighting of the first order.
He also did the punching secretly when you were both with friends. My worry is that it is a game to see what he can get away with. This kind of game can escalate. I do wonder whether he has ever ‘accidentally’ knocked against you or accidentally tripped you up or perhaps twisted your arm a little too hard in play. It might not have happened but if it has it would certainly form part of a pattern.
The filming of you breaking bottles is a give away when it comes to the real truth and his intentions.
If (as he initially said) he had not hurt you he would not have filmed you for ‘insurance purposes. Why would he? No event would have happened so he wouldn’t have been worried enough to film.
If he had accidentally hurt you but not realised he had hurt you then again he would have had no reason to film you because he would not have realised there was any problem and so wouldn’t be worried enough to film.
No. The only explanation is that he obviously realised he had done something very wrong and was worried enough to film you for ‘insurance’ should he be accused of anything.
And what was he going to do with this video? Was he going to use it to try and convince you that you are the one that is somehow aggressive or to convince other people that you are the one that are somehow aggressive?
I can’t help wondering whether he has ever been accused of anything before he met you. Filming you for ‘insurance’ implies he may have considered the scenario beforehand. I
Have you seen the film and listened to the narrative that accompanied it? I recommend you see and listen to the video if you can. I don’t suppose he’s let you do this. He may have deleted it or claimed to delete it.
I’m very sorry that this has happened to you. It is not your fault in any way. You are not responsible for any of his actions. Be assured that what you have said has made sense. But what he has done and said does not make sense unless he knew he had hurt you and tried to cover up and to film you in such a way as to make you look as though you are the aggressor.
I sincerely hope I am thoroughly wrong about all this.
In the meantime my advice would be please make sure that you are safe. Do go and stay with friends or family or even a hotel, and give yourself time to decide what to do next.