(Closed) Is this an inappropriate thing to ask a married man to do?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Weeeellll… It isn’t inappropriate for a woman to ask an old, male friend (married or not) out on a hike to catch up. However, in your case, the circumstances are just a bit… odd. I wouldn’t allow it… not because friends hiking together alone is inappropriate in itself, but because she sounds like a wierdo.

Post # 64
Member
676 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It is definitely weird, I have a male best friend who I have known for over 10 years and we hang out alone but only because he and my Fiance met first and we all hung out together and they hang out without me when I am not there, so they have become almost as close as he and I are. But I would have never gone out with bestie alone before he met my Fiance and he was comfortable with him. Fiance also has a female friend with about the same relationship as me and my bestie so it wouldn’t bother me if he was going to hang out with her. If it was someone he barely talks to though and that clearly has no interest in getting to know me then hell no there is something wrong with that picture.

You’re married now which means you come as a unit so she can accept that or screw off plain and simple.

Post # 65
Member
5070 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

so very wrong.

She and I would be having a discussion.  Today.  

Post # 66
Member
6244 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

View original reply
@yellowshoe:  LOL I like that idea

Post # 67
Member
13561 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Yeah, I’d definitely find that totally inappropriate. Sounds like your husband has some pretty awesome instincts. I’m glad to hear you’ll be distancing yourselves from her!

Post # 68
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I totally would never go for it either. When you get a vibe from certain woman that you think is off, and like they may not have the right intentions, you are usually right. At least thats what I have come to learn.

Post # 69
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

 i did not read all the follow up posts, so maybe i missed key info on this case, but based on the OP, while she sounds like a hot mess, i wouldnt be upset about someone inviting my Fiance to go hiking. even if she wanted to steal my man, that doesnt mean she gets to. idk i really wouldnt care about this at all…

 

Post # 70
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Yeah that would be a NO! So not ok. 

Post # 71
Member
78 posts
Worker bee

I think it’s inappropriate and I’d tell him. My alarms bells are ringing!!!

Post # 72
Member
3884 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’d find it a bit weird but not inapprorpiate, even given the friend’s obnoxious behavior at the birthday party.  In my relationship with my fiance, we each have at least one friend that irritates the other, but I’d no sooner ask him to give up a lifelong friend over their boorish behavior than I’d be willing to give up one of my own for the same reason. Some people are just a little train-wrecky and we still love them, despite their faults. We do know to plan gatherings with those friends accordingly, to help minimize the train-wreck factor.

Also I trust my fiance 100% and if the plan to go hiking (bad example for us as we both hate it, but you can insert any activity here really) was the friend’s scheme to get him alone and throw herself at him, he’d have none of it. That, I am confident about. No need to put the friend off-limits if nothing is ever going to come of it!

Post # 73
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee

I’m so glad your husband took the lead! Personally if I knew a woman that did that at my birthday party I wouldn’t want my husband around her at all until she apologised to me, what a childish thing to do! I certainly wouldn’t bar him from seeing her (good on you for letting him do that on his own btw) but I generally think that good people have better things to do with their lives than to hang around with drama causers like her. 

Post # 74
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee

Inapprops in relation to the fact she didn’t ask her bf and you to go along too. If they haven’t had a constant in contact friendship then it’s a bit odd. Your hubby has already said he wouldn’t go unless it was a ‘double date’ so I don’t think you have anything to stress or worry about. He sounds like a good guy 🙂

But she seems like a weirdo, or just one of those ppl who is terrible at staying in touch with others. If it’s the latter it’s possible she is just oblivious. But you would think she would extend her hand in friendship to you in little ways at least…

 

Post # 75
Member
3694 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m voting not cool, also.  I have a lot of guy friends.  I’m an engineer and I went to school where it was 75% guys.  I make a point to get to know my guy friend’s girls.  I never ask them out alone outside of work.  We might grab lunch during work at a public place, but that’s about it.  Double date – cool.  I’ve invited them and their girls/wives over to our place for dinner or out with both of us.  There’s just no reason for me to hang out with them alone, though.  Sure we’re friends, but I have girl time with my… girlfriends.

Post # 76
Member
4108 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Ugghhh …..  no. She should have invited both you and her boyfriend with them.

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