(Closed) Is this article ridiculous? Or is it me?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I hate that article. If daddy wants to decompress at his own place, he should get divorced. Being married is about talking through problems and seeing things through as a family.

I’m a newlywed, but living together is my favorite thing about being married!

 

Post # 4
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I get her point that “traditional” marriage doesn’t work for everyone, and if it works for her then that’s great. But I hate when journalists use sweeping statements like

With divorce rates climbing and younger people choosing to not marry, it’s time for everyone to take a serious look at unconventional marriage options.

Please. Divorce rates aren’t so high in recent history because married couples live together: they always have. There are a million societal factors that contribute to it. That statement is ridiculous.

Post # 5
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I lived alone for 17 years before getting married.  If I can adjust… ANYONE can.

Post # 7
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think that the point of this is that this is right for everyone.  It is saying that today, some people don’t want a convential marriage, and that is actually ok — there are alternatives that can make a marriage work for you.  

ETA – though this is what I believe (above), I don’t like how the author is trying to say that her way is the better way.  It is obviously just what works for her.

Post # 8
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Thats a nonsense article based on opinions about marriage and not research or facts.

The divorce rate – though at an “all-time high” – is actually DECREASING in the current generation for several reasons –

1 – we’re getting married later in our lives

2 – women are getting married after being educated and independent on our own – fewer women are getting married just to get out of their parents house

3 – because its no longer a huge taboo to live together, couples who don’t actually belong together are less likely to rush in to a marriage they shouldnt be in to begin with

4 – We have grown up more educated about abuse, the signs of it, and getting help

 

Divorce rates in our parents generation shot up super high- because it used to be, if you got divorced, you were looked down upon by your neighbors, possibly shunned from your church, and women who didn’t get married by a certain age were gossiped about and judged – so a whole lot of people were stuck in shitty marriages, and once divorce became more common, they got divorces.

Marriage still works for more than half of us on the first try, and usually for a big chunk of people, it works on the second try.   If marriage doesn’t work at all for a particular person – its their right to not get married – but not to tell anyone else they’re doing it wrong.

Post # 9
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Based on all your posts, I wont even waste my time reading her article.. sounds like it would just irritate me

Post # 10
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

This IS ridiculous. If you can’t cohabitate with a person then don’t MARRY that person! Marriage is about joining two lives, otherwise it’s a relationship or a friendship.

You don’t work living in the same roof as your husband, too bad for you, but don’t try to make it up saying it’s the “new trend”. This is lame.

Post # 11
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Coffee cup: I respectfully disagree. I think it is a slippery slope to try to define what exactly married people should do or how they should live… whatever works for every individual couple is fine as long as they are happy.

The main problem with the article is the author is somehow trying to say her way is “better,” while it’s just what works for her and her husband.

Post # 12
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

My own personal opinion regarding marriage today is somewhat in line with the writer’s. We live in a world of options. We want the better car, the better house, the 5,000 extra channels on cable, a faster laptop. We’re literally an adult society with ADD. But still, I honestly have no issue with making your own rules in the confines of your own marriage and deciding what you’d like it to be. Sometimes I really miss my days of living in my own apartment, walking around drinking beer in my underwear and listening to my music. I wouldn’t trade it for my situation now (nor is it realistic with soon to be 2 children to take care of all day), but I do see the appeal. I don’t think this qualifies me for the “should be divorced” category. I got married, I didn’t have a lobotomy, I’m still a fairly independent woman who values quiet time and her own space.

I just think everyone needs to do what works for them. If you’re deeply in love with someone and want to create a life with them, that’s your business. No one else needs to tell you what your marriage should be. And I guess my own issue with this article would be that the author seems to think everyone should be resigned to the changing face of marriage. Everyone should live in the way that best suits them because it makes their life complete, not to lower divorce statistics or give in to changing ideals. But no, I don’t think the concept itself is “wrong” or “ridiculous.” That’s always what people say when they personally don’t understand something, it doesn’t necessarily make it true.

Post # 13
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would like her to define ‘success’. :/ Does it mean just not breaking up or does it mean just being happy? 

For a true marriage to be amazing there has to be both. 

Post # 14
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@KatyElle: You always say what I’m thinking so much more eloquently than I ever could!

I totally agree with you: my issue is not so much with the point of the article, but with the way it’s written.

Post # 15
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@SimplyChic11: There you go:  success shouldn’t be defined merely as “not getting divorced”.

As KatyElle said, I’m on-board with modernizing marriage, and tweaking it to suit your mutual wants, but I’ve known 2 couples who live seperately and I really just don’t see the point.  If you don’t want to unite your life with someone, why don’t you just keep dating and have sleepovers?  I feel the need for my own personal space too, but the solution isn’t a seperate home. When I need to be alone, I take my ipad into the bathroom and have a nice long bath.

Post # 16
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@MissNoodles: Have you ever asked them why they live in separate places?

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