Post # 1
Here’s the scenario – I’ve already decided I’m not going to say anything about it, so it will be happening regardless – but I’m wondering if I’m just being over sensitive for thinking this is uncomfortable…
Bridesmaid’s older sister is a hairdresser.
Bridesmaid’s older sister and her husband are invited to the wedding, and after getting the Save the Date, tell us they’ll be there and are really excited.
Bridesmaid’s older sister offers to do bridesmaids hair, but her salon is not close to the venue. I offer that she can come get ready at the hotel with me and the other bridesmaids so she can do her sisters hair and get herself dressed up without having to schlep back and forth at all.
Invites go out. She and her husband don’t RSVP by the date, but based on our previous conversations, I email her and just ask her to officially RSVP and that Im looking forward to seeing her, etc. She emails back with a rather short email saying she and her not coming.
I write back and tell her sorry to hear it and hopefully I’ll see them soon.
She replies and says “Oh I’ll see you at your hotel on (wedding date)! 🙂 “
Soooo okay, she and her husband don’t want to come to the wedding now, thats fine, I’m a little hurt maybe, but no big deal… but she’s still planning on being in my hotel room with my bridemaids and I while we get ready? If she’s not coming to the wedding – isn’t that a little…awkward? I guess in her shoes I’d have at least ASKED? Like “Hey Im sorry we’re not coming, but is it ok if I still meet you at the hotel to do (bridesmaids) hair?” Or at least offer an explanation – after saying you’re coming – if you’re still going to make it obvious you’re not doing anything else that day?
Like I said – I’m letting it go – I know bridesmaid would feel awful if I told her I find this whole thing uncomfortable, but I’m just wondering if it strikes anyone else as odd?
Post # 3
@anonybeelalala: Very. Maybe she thought she was only invited to do BM’s hair and didn’t want to take up space at the reception?
Post # 4
Yes, very odd. I don’t know why she would do that unless she just doesn’t want to come to your wedding.
Post # 6
Maybe I’m not totally understanding but she offered to do the hair reguardless of coming to the wedding. Even though they declined the wedding she assumed she’s still doing the girls hair because there was no discussion otherwise.
For me I wouldn’t think it was awkward, for what ever reason they can’t make the wedding but she’s wanting to still be a part of the wedding with you and your girls.
Post # 7
It’s possible she’s got another party on that evening or, what I think is more likely, she doesn’t feel close enough to you to come to your wedding, but is still happy to give you a wedding present (doing the bridesmaids’ hair on the day). On the other hand, does she expect to be paid for doing the hair? She may think of this more as a business arrangement than a gift to you.
Depending on how well you know her, possibly say something to her, like “It’ll feel weird heading our separate ways after getting ready, are you sure you can’t come?”
Post # 8
There could be a million reason she can’t make it that night… Kids need a sitter, hubby has to work, she has an alcohol problem and wants to avoid the open bar? Who knows. Don’t read into it, and be glad you’re not scrambling for a hairdresser. I would thank her profusely.
Post # 9
She is only doing her sisters hair. She and her hubby got the STD before my bridesmaid asked her to do her hair. The other girls and i are paying a hairdresser, but my bm had preferred her sister to do it… Which is still fine, but if she’s not coming to the wedding, why can’t she do it in her salon or house?
Post # 10
@mrsromo: Sorry if it wasn’t clear, she isn’t doing my hair. They don’t have kids and I just drank with them over the 4th. It’s fine she doesn’t want to come, but still being in the hotel room with me seems wierd without at least asking if it was ok?
Post # 11
@anonybeelalala: “…if she’s not coming to the wedding, why can’t she do it in her salon or house?”
You said earlier that her salon was a little far from the venue – perhaps she feels it could be tricky for your bridesmaid to get from the salon to the venue on time (especially if she’s going to go via the hotel to get dressed with you and the other bridesmaids). She might also feel that you will want all your bridesmaids with you as much as possible during the day, rather than sneaking one away to do her hair. When my SIL got married, one of the bridesmaids went to the supermarket to get deodorant (forgetting her phone), and caused a huge panic when she wasn’t back for an hour! Perhaps she has a similar experience when she got married and wants to make sure you know where everyone is at all times.
Post # 12
Maybe she is upset that you didn’t ask her to do your hair? Like her work isn’t good enough for you? Just a theory.
or she could just have something else on.
Post # 13
@j_jaye: certainly possible but that would be nuts – I’ve never gone to her for my hair.
There’s totally no hard feelings if she and her husband don’t want to come to the wedding – but she knows that the whole point of me inviting her to the hotel was so she could get ready FOR the wedding after she did her sister’s hair.