(Closed) is this bad wedding etiquette??

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@sausey823: I personally am offended when I get invited to the after party.

“I wasn’t good enough to see you get married, but I’m good enough to bring a gift to your after party” That’s how I feel 🙂

Post # 4
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@sausey823:I think it’s a great idea, and a lot of people do it!  It’s your wedding – do what you want and don’t worry about what others think – they’ll just be excited to be a part of your day 🙂

Post # 5
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

There are tons of cake and punch or just appetizer only weddings out there to help save on costs. You could also try potluck (although there are mixed reviews on that one)

Post # 6
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would think that the recpeiton is what costs more than the ceremony. So it wouldn’t make sense to limit the ceremony and invite every one to the reception.

I think what is offensive is to invite every one to the ceremony, then limit the reception.

What it sounds like your asking, is if you can have a simple reception to save money in terms of the variety and quantity of food , or no? Like have everyone you can come but just serve cake and punch, or some apps.

Post # 7
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think the appy/cake reception is lovely, especially in the evening starting around 7 maybe?  I don’t understaqnd seperating the ceremony though?  It wouldn’t cost any more to have your guests witness your ceremony.

Post # 8
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We decided to invite the max guests for our venue, 80, then do an open invite to the reception. For us it was simple, we want to share the biggest moment in our lives with our family then celebrate with everyone. If we can swing it I would like to play a video of the ceremony in the background at the reception while everyone is mingling. So far, nobody has voiced feeling left out, they seem to think that it is more of a venue/financial thing.

The nice part of living in 2011 is that there really is no right or wrong way to plan a wedding. It is acceptable to stray from traditions and put a personal, or fun, spin on things.

Best of luck!

Post # 9
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My cousin got married with a very private ceremony (parents, siblings, grandparents, and their 2 year old daughter) because she had been married before and wanted something calm and simple with her daughter. Then they had a reception in my aunt’s backyard and invited more people. It worked well for them. I know I would have loved to see the actual ceremony, but I understand why they did what they did. I don’t see anything wrong with it.

Post # 10
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I live in Utah and so it is very normal to get an invite to the “after party” because many brides get married in the temple and so there are never any witnesses to the ceremony (or VERY few) I don’t think it is rude or anything. If you want to celebrate your marriage, DO IT! You are not asking for gifts, you are asking for well wishes and to help celebrate the marriage with others. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Miss. Snowball: I never thought about that (the Temple aspect, that is) I’m glad you brought it up!

Post # 12
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@mwitter80: I agree especially if its a reception with no dinner it does make you kinda feel that you were not important enough to invite to the ceremony and were only invited to the reception to get a gift out of you. But I also think that if there is a dinner included then they are not just trying to get a gift because they probably spent a decent amount on the food. I am doing that btw but we have ask for a donation to charity instead of gifts. 

Post # 13
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Eva Peron: I agree with what you said too it would not cut costs to not invite them to the ceremony it would cut costs to not invite them to the reception which is rude.  

@sausey823: I think you should just invite everyone to the ceremony and the reception and not serve dinner just have the cake and aps.

Post # 14
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@sausey823: I think that is fine if you have size limitations on where you plan to do the ceremony or if you want it to feel very small and intimate.

However, I think that it would only be proper to include on the invites to the “reception only” crowd that no gifts are necessary if you do. As a previous poster stated, some people might feel like you are being gift grabby. This way, you demonstrate that you want them to share in your happy day and celebrate but also show that you’re not inviting them for the presents.

I hope you have a wonderful wedding!

Post # 15
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I miss the way they do it in Ireland.  They invite people to the ceremony and the reception for dinner and then they send separate party-like (postcard style) invites to the ‘Afters’.  Generally receptions are held in hotels with event areas and pub/bar areas so everyone invited to the Afters meets up in the pub and then the waiters come out and ring a bell after dinner and before the first dance (or they set a time) and everyone goes in and joins the party.  It’s brilliant for people with lots of extended friends (sports teams, clubs, etc.) who can’t afford dinner for everyone but want to celebrate with everyone.  There’s no obligation to bring a gift if you aren’t invited but it’s brilliant fun celebrating with the couple.  Then again, most of those weddings are cash bars.  It would work for a backyard/garden wedding though!

Post # 16
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m doing the same thing basically because my church is insanely expensive (and I made a commitment to my pastor to get married there with him), so they’re giving us a small room instead of the actual Sanctuary. It actually would cost 500 dollars more for us to have everybody come to the ceremony (budget is 1,000), whereas the reception venue holds a lot more people. People don’t seem to be offended by it, for me at least.

The topic ‘is this bad wedding etiquette??’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors