(Closed) Is this bad

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m having a hard time with this, mostly because I want to do something nice for the people that helped make our wedding happen.  I understand that you may not be close to your fiance’s sister, but if you’re doing something for one bridesmaid (and the way I’m reading this, you only have two, correct?), it’s not it’s really fair to not do something for the other.  But that’s just my personal opinion. 

I understand being on a budget–how about doing something small for her, like a handmade piece of jewelry or something?  

 

Post # 4
Member
248 posts
Helper bee

You titled your post, “Is this bad?” so to answer your question, yes it is bad. You probably already know that. I’m feeling sorry for your fiance’s sister and I don’t even know her. With only two attendants, it is very thoughtless to buy one a gift and give it to her privately while buying your future sister-in-law nothing but her dress (which was your choice and which she may never wear again). She is going to be a part of your family and you chose to have her in your wedding. You’re getting married – it’s time to grow up.

Post # 5
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Why don’t you send the pertinent parties a nice card after the wedding thanking them for being part of your day? No one ever said you had to buy presents but it is nice to say thank you in some form.

Post # 6
Member
765 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I agree, I think you should get your other bridesmaid something, even if it’s small.  A gift certificate or a small piece of jewelry would be nice.

Post # 7
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

As for not giving your Fiance a gift, my husband and I didn’t give each other gifts.  We just thought it wasn’t necessary, between wedding expenses and our actual rings.  

I’m not sure what the deal with her being a deadbeat is, or how it came to be that you are paying for her dress.  It sounds like you are having her in the wedding because your Fiance or his parents put your feet to the fire about it.  And I’m guessing you somehow got roped into paying for her dress.  (That may or may not have been fair to you, since this is a family situation, and in laws can be difficult.)  However, for the very reason why you didn’t stand up to insist she not be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, is the same reason why you need to also provide her with a gift.  (You don ‘t need to start your marriage on the wrong foot with your in-laws.  And by snubbing the sister, you would be stirring problems with your Mother-In-Law.) 

You made it seem like no one would know you provided you Maid/Matron of Honor with her gift, but if both of you are going to be walking down the aisle wearing the same black water pearls….

I’m not sure if it’s necessary to give gifts to parents, but it sure sounds like a nice idea.  And if they contributed to the wedding, it’s a nice way of saying thanks.

Post # 8
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think you crazy for having someone in the wedding that you don’t truely want to be in it. It’s your day, do it how you want.

Post # 9
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I think that it is fine that you are not getting her a gift I would look at it like the dress is just that. Me and my Fiance are also not going to do the gift thing all the money is going to the wedding. As for the parents I am making my mom a bracelet. I do not plan on getting my Future Mother-In-Law anything cause she is not contributing to the wedding. My Future Father-In-Law is in the wedding as best man so he is getting a room at the hotel along with the rest of the wedding party. You can only do what you can and for that matter what you want!

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