Post # 1
I have a wedding to go to in a few weeks and the bride is an old friend of mine. I really need advice on what is alright to give as a gift. The thing is, my hubby and I are really, really tight on money, living paycheck to paycheck. We barely have money to last us until he gets paid next. We just don’t make enough since I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom and he’s a teacher, and we even live with my mother, which helps us out tremendously, but we still are so tight on money, and I’ve had ZERO luck in finding a job.
So…my question is, what is alright to give as a gift? I was thinking $50 cash. I know it’s not a lot but it’s what I can give and that’s even stretching it. My friend is already married, had a small ceremony last year that I couldn’t make, and is now having an Asian ceremony in a few weeks. I can’t make the ceremony part (it’s at 8am in the morning and lasts through noon) and my friend totally doesn’t mind. She is having a reception I’m going to, and there is absolutely nothing on the menu I can eat, same with my hubby. It’s at a Chinese restaurant with all seafood. I would be happy with white rice and soy sauce but they are not even serving white rice. I told my friend I couldn’t eat anything (not in a rude way) and she totally understood, and said most of her fiance’s family couldn’t either. So…I guess what I mean is that I’m going to see her and take a small gift, and not really eat (we plan to eat dinner before we go). So, is $50 cash too cheap? Or, should I get a gift off her registry that is $100? I don’t have that money but could charge it and pay later.
I don’t think my friend would care b/c she still feels guilty not attending my wedding 10 years ago, b/c she just didn’t make the effort. She knows this was hurtful to me and feels bad and I don’t hold it against her. What I mean by saying that, is that she never got me a gift (which I could care less) but I think b/c of that, she wouldn’t care that I couldn’t get her something more. And, she knows our financial situation but I still feel bad looking so cheap.
Please help! Any advice is appreciated!
Post # 3
Why dont you just go and buy something on sale, you might find something that cost less than $50 but that is worth more.
Post # 4
i think $50 is fine. as a bride, i was appreciative of anything and everything i received. and some of my friends didn’t give gifts at all, but i was still happy to see them and that they came.
and i understand your financial situation as my Darling Husband and I are grad students who have lived paycheck to paycheck for years! and for all the weddings i went to, if i went alone, i would probably give $50 too. or if i went with a date, i would give max $100, sometimes less.
ETA: basically you should only give what you can. no one can expect you to go further into debt for a gift!
Post # 5
Give what you can afford. A $50 cash gift is plenty.
Post # 6
I don’t think you’re being cheap. A gift is not meant to be a hardship or a financial strain. Get her something you know she will like or use and don’t worry about trying to spend a certain amount of money so you won’t be “cheap”.
Post # 7
I agree – give what you can afford. Period.
Is she registered anywhere? If she is, sometimes they have coupons (Bed, Bath & Beyond) and you could buy something off her registry and use a coupon to get more for the money. Just an idea.
Post # 8
i think it is very generous of you to wish you could give mroe, but keeping in mind your current situation, i think $50 is very gracious of you
Post # 9
not cheap at all. it’s the thought that counts and your presence she really wants!
Post # 10
Does she have anything on her registry that is around $50? I personally prefer registry items, but I might change my tune in a few weeks at my wedding…
Never give outside of your means; gift what you can and write a really thoughtful note- that will mean more to her than any present. Maybe you can instead promise to make a canvas out of her favorite wedding picture? I think these are around $50 and makes a lovely addition to their home.
Post # 11
Anything you give should be appreciated. Even if it’s only $20. A bride who pouts about that doesn’t deserve it. You have to think about your current situation. Don’t break yourself trying to gift someone else.
Post # 12
I think $50 is a good gift, but I like the idea of buying something on sale that is probably more affordable for you. I do think it is kinda rude of her not being accommodating on the food though, especially if most of her FI’s family can’t eat it either.
Post # 13
I would say $50 is too much. make something or buy something on sale. people are generally understanding about tight money issues and if they are only inviting you to get $100 gift, well that isn’t a wedding I woudl want to go to.
Post # 14
Thanks so much ladies. I feel much better, and not AS bad. 🙂 I think she will appreciate anything but I just feel bad. Thanks again and I will check out her registry and look for sales! 🙂
And I would rather not charge a gift b/c it’s my mother’s credit card that I would be borrowing (we don’t have one since we can’t afford one). 🙁
Post # 15
I agree that $50 is more than generous given your current situation.
I’m confused about the all seafood Chinese reception though!! I’m half Chinese and have been to many birthdays, dinners, etc at Chinese restaurants, but there has ALWAYS been rice, and options other than seafood! Interesting they picked those choices when her FI’s family can’t eat it either…
Post # 16
Yeah, I don’t get it either. My friend is Cambodian and her husband is of Spanish decent (but American). I joked with her that I was bringing sub sandwiches in my purse and if we don’t eat beforehand, I might. My friend is really great and wouldn’t care at all. This reception is just in a big Chinese restaurant – not the usual wedding site. I’m half Korean so I grew up eating rice and soy sauce and thought I could at least eat that but she said they only have fried rice. And the entire menu is seafood. When I told her my husband and I just don’t eat that kind of food, she said her husband’s family didn’t either. I think it’s her parents paying for it so she just went along with it.