- 7 years ago
- Wedding: March 2013
First of all let me apologise for posting something of minor importance in comparison to some of the other posts here. I suppose I need to get it off my chest in an anonymous way as everyone I know in real life would have a biased opinion.
Well, I was with my ex from the ages of 16 to 23 years old. We were love’s young dream and everything was great… great until I realised I loved him but I wasn’t in love with him anymore. Being together at school and through University was one thing but living together in the real adult world was another. I got a “real” job while he got an awesome creative job (don’t want to specify just in case someone connects the dots)… my induction to adult life quickly changed me and I think I began to see different priorities to him. I began to think of the future, while he was still thinking about football and his comic collection. Anyway I ended it after feeling half-hearted for about a year or so, he REALLY didn’t see it coming AT ALL and was devasted.
We still kept in contact because it didn’t end badly and we were like bestfriends. After ending our relationship about 8 months later I met my Fiance, we were still keeping it casual just literally just going to the cinema or for coffee and talking (no hanky panky – although I did meet him in a bar!)- my Fiance left on my facebook “Hey it was nice seeing you this morning, you brighten up my day xxx”. This triggered my ex to go on the manwhore route and he slept around a lot and dabbled in drugs (I could understand sleeping with other people as we had only ever been with eachother … but in one summer I was told he slept with over 30 girls and that he was out of control). He was the typical clean cut boy next door, the type of guy that says “Sugar” instead of “Sh1t” or darn instead of damn.
I talked to him abouth his behaviour after his mother asked me to. Well he calmed down, got it all out of his system and got himself a girlfriend (who also bears an uncanny resemblance to me), and we began chatting on Facebook like we were only friends and occasionally meeting for lunch or coffee (my Fiance knows about this and has even been present). I’ve also done work projects for him and him for me.
So perfect yeah? Lovers became friends, we were proof that it is possible, right?! He has had a girlfriend for nearly three years now and I’ve had my Fiance for over four years. We’ve both clearly moved on.
I then got engaged, I was working up a way to tell him (I don’t know why I was so nervy about telling him … well now I do) but then my Fiance changed his Facebook relationship status to “Engaged to..” and was saying “Change your status, once it’s on Facebook it’s official lol”. I felt ashamed of thinking of my ex’s feelings before thinking of how happy my Fiance was so I changed my status when he asked me to, and since then all hell has broken loose again from my ex’s end.
His girlfriend has told me (yes his girlfriend who I’ve also met a few times!) that he’s started dabbling in drugs again and that she is sure that he has cheated on her (doesn’t know for sure), she has also been asking me for advice. His mother has asked me to talk to him about this again.
Well anyway, do I pick up the pieces? I still feel responsible because I was the one who broke him. I still care for him and love him (in a platonic way). Or do I cut all contact with him cos I seem to be a trigger for this behaviour?