Is this cheating?

posted 12 months ago in Emotional
  • poll: Would you leave?
    Yes. : (41 votes)
    75 %
    Try to work it out. : (9 votes)
    16 %
    Depends... Details in comments. : (5 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    311 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    emmabird :  I 100% think this is cheating. No gray area at all. And I’d like to think I’d leave. 

    However, I wouldn’t pass judgment on someone who was unsure, or wanted to work it out, especially when kids are involved. No one knows what it’s like to be that woman or be part of that marriage/family…we can only guess.

    But yes, he cheated.

    Post # 4
    Member
    8106 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2016

    emmabird :  gosh, there’s so much in this hypothetical…  (disclaimer: i never heard of this family before, 100% im hearing about them through you–sorry if I get some assumptions wrong)

    – First, the fact my reputation (and persumably at least some portion of my income) is closely tied with my image as a wholesome family. I’d be so angry with my partner for hurting something that directly supports our children, all so he can stroke his dick a bit.

    – The fact this affair is out there for the entire world to see and judge before I even have a chance to process it myself.

    – The fact that there are 5 kids involved (not as insane as the rest, but not a hypothetical I can imagine for myself)

    – The fact that if I do decide to get rid of him my youtube fame/income will probably drop significantly and maybe even flame out (a la john and kate plus 8).  Honestly, from a publicity standpoint I’m willing to bet (just based on other famous couples) infidelity (esp. w the alcoholism/rehab narrative) with rehab and therapy and recovery can not only be salvaged but can actually lead to a boost in ratings.  Divorce gives a short boost followed by a 100% flop.  

    What a fucked up situation for her to be in.. I can’t begin to fathom what I’d do since I’d have to be such a different person to get to that situation.  I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t probably try working through it if our finances depended on it–5 kids isn’t cheap.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1846 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2016

    Everyone’s boundaries for cheating are different. Everyone is able to forgive different things. I think it also depends somewhat on whether you’ve had the talk about boundaries and what the relationship is like/what point you’re both at.

    In this situation, I would be willing to look into moving past this. We would probably need counselling to get through it and rebuild trust but there’s nothing wrong with the person trying to forgive him.

    Post # 6
    Member
    311 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    loz24 :  Good point about boundaries. This would be considered cheating by my standards, and by many people I know, but we actually have no idea what is and is not okay in their marriage. Again, we can only guess.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3553 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    This is cheating to me. Leaving or not would depend on other circumstances, but I would doubt he’d stop. kind of like Josh Duggar. Catch em in one thing, they beg for forgiveness. Then you catch them in something else, and the cycle repeats.

    Post # 11
    Member
    705 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    Definitely cheating in my book. Whether they could work it out depends on so many factors:  whether it was the first time something like this had happened, what the underlying reasons were for the indiscretion, whether the cheating partner shows genuine remorse, and whether they make concrete, tangible steps to start repairing trust in the relationship. Cheating is too complicated to speculate on in other peoples’ relationships and it’s hard to approach a hypothetical without understanding hundreds of different variables. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1000 posts
    Bumble bee

    This is definitely cheating however there’s no hard and fast rules that it has to end a relationship,that’s something for the couple to come to terms with.

    Post # 13
    Member
    857 posts
    Busy bee

    I find people get so hung up on classifying something as “cheating” or not. It doesn’t matter what this is, but it’s damn inappropriate. 

    If my FI did that I would be devastated, and I would need to know everything about it including his emotional attachment to her (if any), exactly what went down, and what was wrong with our relationship. 

    At very least he would need to be inconsolably apologetic, we would need therapy and he would need to be 110% committed to our family and to demonstrate this. 

    xo

    Post # 14
    Member
    1220 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    In my opinion, this is cheating, objectively, and I would have ended my marriage with that person. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    322 posts
    Helper bee

    I believe this is cheating. I would feel hurt and betrayed and would contemplate on leaving because there is no way I’d be able to trust him again. 

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