Post # 1
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
I don’t know if any of you are familiar with the Shaytards. It’s a vlogging youtube channel featuring a family with 5 kids. They have been on youtube for something like 10 years and everyone kind of looked up to them as the wholesome family vloggers.
Anyways, I have been out of the loop for some time but recently discovered that the husband and father of five, Shay, was outed (last month) for sexting and sending sexual photos and videos to another woman through DMs on twitter. Foolishly, he used his official twitter account so perhaps his intentions were to arrange a meeting at some point. However, other than Twitter, he has never met this woman in real life. What makes matters worse—in a last-ditch attempt to try and dampen the flames—he is hiding behind the bottle. Claiming he is an alcoholic and is ready to seek treatment.
In my opinion, this is cheating. He engaged a woman in a sexual way that gratified him. There is no indication (as of yet) that his wife is going to leave him. She is staying off of social media.
Given the circumstances of the indiscretion, if this were you, would you be able to forgive your SO or would this be the end?
Post # 2
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
emmabird : I 100% think this is cheating. No gray area at all. And I’d like to think I’d leave.
However, I wouldn’t pass judgment on someone who was unsure, or wanted to work it out, especially when kids are involved. No one knows what it’s like to be that woman or be part of that marriage/family…we can only guess.
But yes, he cheated.
Post # 3
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
Fitzy : I agree so much with understanding how one would be unsure under the circumstances of having five kids and a 15 year marriage with him.
Post # 4
Member
9388 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
emmabird : gosh, there’s so much in this hypothetical… (disclaimer: i never heard of this family before, 100% im hearing about them through you–sorry if I get some assumptions wrong)
– First, the fact my reputation (and persumably at least some portion of my income) is closely tied with my image as a wholesome family. I’d be so angry with my partner for hurting something that directly supports our children, all so he can stroke his dick a bit.
– The fact this affair is out there for the entire world to see and judge before I even have a chance to process it myself.
– The fact that there are 5 kids involved (not as insane as the rest, but not a hypothetical I can imagine for myself)
– The fact that if I do decide to get rid of him my youtube fame/income will probably drop significantly and maybe even flame out (a la john and kate plus 8). Honestly, from a publicity standpoint I’m willing to bet (just based on other famous couples) infidelity (esp. w the alcoholism/rehab narrative) with rehab and therapy and recovery can not only be salvaged but can actually lead to a boost in ratings. Divorce gives a short boost followed by a 100% flop.
What a fucked up situation for her to be in.. I can’t begin to fathom what I’d do since I’d have to be such a different person to get to that situation. I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t probably try working through it if our finances depended on it–5 kids isn’t cheap.
Post # 5
Member
2222 posts
Buzzing bee
Everyone’s boundaries for cheating are different. Everyone is able to forgive different things. I think it also depends somewhat on whether you’ve had the talk about boundaries and what the relationship is like/what point you’re both at.
In this situation, I would be willing to look into moving past this. We would probably need counselling to get through it and rebuild trust but there’s nothing wrong with the person trying to forgive him.
Post # 6
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
loz24 : Good point about boundaries. This would be considered cheating by my standards, and by many people I know, but we actually have no idea what is and is not okay in their marriage. Again, we can only guess.
Post # 7
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
amanda1988 : Agree, from a business perspective it would hurt. However there is the age-old saying that there is no such thing as bad publicity. Time will tell.
Post # 8
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
loz24 : I suppose it would depend on one’s own boundaries and limits. There are some that believe that watching pornography can be considered cheating and others who think of it as a form of entertainment.
Post # 9
Member
3324 posts
Sugar bee
This is cheating to me. Leaving or not would depend on other circumstances, but I would doubt he’d stop. kind of like Josh Duggar. Catch em in one thing, they beg for forgiveness. Then you catch them in something else, and the cycle repeats.
Post # 10
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
scissorgirl : Good point. And whose to say that this is the first time as well. This is the only time he has been caught publicly.
Post # 11
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
Definitely cheating in my book. Whether they could work it out depends on so many factors: whether it was the first time something like this had happened, what the underlying reasons were for the indiscretion, whether the cheating partner shows genuine remorse, and whether they make concrete, tangible steps to start repairing trust in the relationship. Cheating is too complicated to speculate on in other peoples’ relationships and it’s hard to approach a hypothetical without understanding hundreds of different variables.
Post # 12
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
This is definitely cheating however there’s no hard and fast rules that it has to end a relationship,that’s something for the couple to come to terms with.
Post # 13
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
I find people get so hung up on classifying something as “cheating” or not. It doesn’t matter what this is, but it’s damn inappropriate.
If my Fiance did that I would be devastated, and I would need to know everything about it including his emotional attachment to her (if any), exactly what went down, and what was wrong with our relationship.
At very least he would need to be inconsolably apologetic, we would need therapy and he would need to be 110% committed to our family and to demonstrate this.
xo
Post # 14
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
In my opinion, this is cheating, objectively, and I would have ended my marriage with that person.
Post # 15
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
I believe this is cheating. I would feel hurt and betrayed and would contemplate on leaving because there is no way I’d be able to trust him again.