(Closed) Is This Cheating? What Should I do! :( (long post..sorry)

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 242
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Fiance writes me back and says he hates me, he doesn’t love me. He doesn’t miss me and he doesn’t want me in his life anymore.  He tells me to leave his (our) house.  Leave his bills unpaid and put his dog in a kennel.  He said he never wants to see my Fing face again and that he hopes the next guy will be happy with me, happy with a psycho like me who will monitor his ever move. 

From what you posted earlier, it doesn’t sound like he will want to take this trip with you anyway, especially not if he’s already seeing someone else.  Sometimes it’s more important to have peace of mind than it is to lose money. 

It’s time for you to leave him in the past and move forward. There is someone out there for you, no matter what your age is! You deserve better than this!

Post # 243
3 posts
  • Wedding: July 2012

I feel so sorry for you. I hope you work everything out and hope you move on from him. There is someone better

Post # 244
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Do you have anyone near you to open up to? Like your parents/friends? Someone needs to help you physically begin the point of moving out.

Post # 245
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Any updates about what the ex had to say?

Post # 246
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@GoldfishPie: I keep checking as well. I hope everything is ok.

Post # 247
2396 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@knight.keira: me, three. I feel like a creeper, but I’m honestly worried.

Post # 248
3354 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 1900

@WasiDuped: / Oneeleven:

I just caught up with this thread.  First of all, I am so sorry you are going through this.  But please stop and really evaluate how you feel right now.   Right this moment.  Those feelings are a result of staying with this man.  Plain and simple.  Sure you have memories of how things used to be, but the past is just that, the past.  He has changed and you have too.  Be honest, could you really go back to being normal around him after all this?  I couldn’t.

Get yourself into therapy.  And get a lawyer. 

And most certainly don’t go on a trip with him!!  What good could come out of it?  You are going to be crushed and heartbroken, especially if he gets drunk and starts hitting on other women since you two aren’t actually together.  Or what if you end up having sex and you think that means he wants to work it out but he doesn’t feel the same way?

My heart goes out to you hun.  *hugs*

Post # 249
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I hope everything is ok

Post # 251
5323 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Oh hon. I am SO very sorry. So so so so so sorry.

At some point hon, you need to stop focusing on what he thinks/knows/does and start focusing on you. YOU need to get the hell out of that house. It’s not your house. It’s not your job to make his life easier and take care of it. Take the dog if you want to, or give it to a friend to deal with, whatever makes you happy. You need to start this new chapter for you, not waiting in limbo for him to come back, making things easier on him in the meantime.

You have every right and reason to mourn the loss of the man you thought he was, the relationship you used to have. God knows I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed either. But honey, you are the one who decides what happens next. Stop putting this in his hands. This is your life, only you get the power over that, not him. Cry when you need to. Swear, scream, do what you have to do, but lady, (pardon my unprofessional language) f**k him. Seriously. Get angry and get out of there. Get righteous. No one, and I mean no one, gets the right to treat you this way. You deserve a hell of a lot better than that. You know it deep down inside. Don’t give him the power in this situation. You were the one who got screwed here, not him.

On the note of the trip, is it transferrable? Maybe you could sell it and just lose a bit of money on it but find someone who’s working on a budget and would be happy for the discount!

Again sweetie, I’m so sorry. PM me any time if you want to chat. I’ve been through this crap before, and unfortunately I’ve had to watch a couple friends go through it, I know where you’ve been. I’m here for you hon, you’re going to get through this, I promise. ((hugs))

Post # 252
4497 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oneeleven you are the definition of prime-you could never be “past it”!

Just wanted to say I love ya, I’ve missed ya on the boards and you will get through this, good things are comming your way! Stand up and be the boss lady!


Post # 253
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

So what exactly did he tell you the truth about?

Post # 255
4107 posts
Honey bee

@WasiDuped:   She said when he was deployed that she checked his email once and there was an email from a girl about hooking up.  He explained it away and that was that.

my opinion is that the “truth” is he did cheat on her, but she didn’t want to accept or believe it, so she believed his story.  That quote up there is a glaring red flag that indicatged that he has been the same type of guy long before you. i am sure there was a time when he cared about you, but he is who he is and you deserve better – that’s the bottom line.

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