(Closed) Is This Cheating? What Should I do! :( (long post..sorry)

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 257
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

Hi, ive tried to read the whole 7 pages of this, but i may have missed some of it sorry.

 I really feel like this has gone on for too long (8 months is a long time!!) and you have just been a passenger, drifting in whatever direction it has taken you. You need to stop this and decide for yourself what you want to do (dont waste another 8 months!!). Basically you have two options. Either try and work it out, or, move forward with your life. Do something. Chose! Its not going to be easy either way, and it is going to be hard at first. But you are strong enough to do what ever you want to do. But you need to make a decision based on what YOU want. Not about him or about money. Get your life back! Dont wait for him to decide something for you. How do you know what your future holds for you if your not prepared to do anything to take direction? You can do what ever you want. Be determinded!

 Life is way to short to be waiting. Live it!!!! get off this thing and go for a walk. Smile at a stranger. Go join a club. Look for a new appartment. TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK!!! and smile!! fake it till you make it!! YOU ARE WORTH IT!!

Post # 258
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I feel awful for you this happened to me and I know that awful heart stopping feeling you get when your told.

What I did (against everyones advice) was wait a few weeks set up a fake facebook with lots of pictures of a pretty girl set private so you cannot see her wall or friends but you can see pictures then messaged him saying we had met in a bar in a place I knew he had been. I continued to ask about him, suggest we meet up and ask if he was seeing anyone (he said no) he fell for it hook line and sinker, even to the point where he told me he was off to see his male friend whilst messaging her arranging to meet in a bar. I packed his bags whilst he was gone and when i got a message on the fake profile askin where I was I said at home your bags are packed you lying cheat.

Post # 260
Member
2670 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@WasiDuped: You aren’t a horrible person. Sometimes relationships change and you do everything you can to protect yourself and hold on to what that relationship was, or atleast what you though it was.

Post # 262
Member
4107 posts
Honey bee

@almost mrs: ya, i can see why people advised you against this – they were probably worried about you. but i still think that its awesome you did that and caught him red handed like that.  if facebook had been around when i was with ex, i would have liked to have done this to him, lol.

 

Post # 263
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I just read all 7 pages of this forum…

I just have to say that no matter how sad, how angry you are right now… IT WILL GET BETTER.

Before I met my fiance… I dated a guy in the military for 6 years. I stuck by him through 2 deployments, all his training, put my life on hold… etc etc. For him. He was a CHEATER. He lied, he made excuses… he tried to cover things up. As I read your posts… it is seriously DejaVU for me. I always thought that it was MY FAULT.. that I was NUTS because I was always checking his email, facebook, any account I could get my hands on. But he was the one that was messed up. 

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. IT IS NOT A HEALTHY WAY TO LIVE and you shouldn’t spend all your time miserable over this piece of trash. 

THis guy has cheated on you. He has… trust me. And he will continue to do it. i know the kind. I am not saying he never loved you or was never IN love with you. But i can tell  you right now, this is NOT someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. 

After my ex and I split up I went on to find out that he had cheated on me with 5 women. FIVE. My heart sank. I was hurt, i laid on the floor and cried for days, it was awful. 

No guy that makes you feel the way you do RIGHT NOW is worth your love. You deserve so much better and you will find it. Just a few months after my ex and split.. I found the LOVE OF MY LIFE and you will too. I promise. 

 

Post # 264
Member
4560 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I know you feel like you pushed him away with your “awful behavior”, but I think your gut was telling you he was lying about something. How could he not tell you about the woman between the Ex-wife and you? It seems like such a silly thing not to tell you about. You may have been fighting and doubting about other things, but I think that insecurity came from him being dishonest in the first place. 

You cannot beat yourself up for listening to you gut that something was wrong. Even if you were perfect and never doubted, this relationship was doomed because it was started on lies. 

Then on top of that, he wasn’t even man enough to tell you it was over. He is a coward for lying to you at the beginning about his past and a double coward for not breaking things off when he knew it was over. 

 

Post # 265
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree with purpleunicorn. I think maybe both of you (his ex) might be in denial. How many times will you let him talk to you and convince you that he hasn’t cheated when the proof is all there? All I can say is that I wish you the best and that the year turns out better than how it started **hugs**

Post # 267
Member
4560 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

He misses you right now because there isnt’ anyone else he is flirting with. 

So glad you came to your senses and realize this was all his fault–POS!

Post # 268
Member
4107 posts
Honey bee

@WasiDuped:  i am SOOOO happy to see you write this post!  not happy of course that he signed up for dating websites 2 weeks after he left, but happy that something finally clicked for you!  i have seen other people go thru similar stuff and i think you just needed to find your “last straw” and this was it.  keep going strong  🙂

Post # 270
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@WasiDuped: I am so sorry about what you are going through and I want to tell you that IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!  I’ve been through something very similar, I was in a serious relationship and living with a man that had met on an online dating site.  I caught him cheating on me (with his 19 year old secretary – he was 45) and kicked him out of my home.  In the process of snooping around I found that he had lied throughout our relationship, he had cheated on me at the very beginning of our relationship, he had stayed on dating sites the entire time, updating the photos with ones I’d taken of him!  At the end of the day I realized he was a narcissist.  He lied, he cheated, and he lied some more.  When he got caught in a lie he’d turn it around and get angry.  He was such an accomplished liar, having done it his entire life, it was really hard to see through all the bull. 

I lost 15 lbs, saw a doctor, read a book called “Extreme Breakup Recovery” (I know, so cheesy, but I swear it helped!) and started going out with my single friends again.  I met my current husband less than 3 months after the awful broke-up.  I am also 41 by the way.  Life is not over, it is just beginning!  I promise you will get through this and you will be so much better able to spot a GOOD man next time around!

I didn’t have a ring to bargain with, but I did take back any gifts I had given him when I kicked him out, including an expensive watch.  Then I negotiated with him to buy it back from me for more than what I paid for it, in cash :).  I have a good friend that negotiated to give her ex-fiance back the ring only if he paid her back for everything she’d spend on their cancelled wedding. She gave him an invoice with itemized lines for everything from Brides magazines to Makeup to Deposits.  She got her money back, and by the way she met her current husband 1 month after their wedding was cancelled!

This jerk was just the a-hole that is going to make you appreciate your future husband that much more!  It really will get better!  Don’t take him on the trip – go by yourself or go with a girlfriend, but do not go with him!

Post # 271
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

All I can say is THANK GOD! Now get shuffling out of that house!!! 🙂

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