(Closed) Is This Cheating? What Should I do! :( (long post..sorry)

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 287
Member
389 posts
Helper bee

what!?

this is the stuff that causes stress and illness and disease.

i hope you wash your hands of the situation as soon as possible and focus on healing and wellness.

good luck!

Post # 288
Member
4560 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Have you called your destination wedding place and asked if you can change the groom to another person?

Post # 290
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

you go girl!!! HE IS THE DUPE!

Post # 291
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Take looking at apartments as an adventure! I swear you should watch Under the Tuscan Sun!

Post # 292
Member
788 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it would be great if you went on the trip alone, or you could just call the resort and say you want to bring a different traveling partner. It’s worth looking into. I hope you have an amazing time!

I’m going to sound mean saying this but if any of my friends were in your situation I would drive to the house, physically shake her and remove her from the premises.

I really don’t see how it’s a game. He told you he hates you and wants you to move out and you stayed and are taking care of his house and his dog. If you put time and energy into getting back at him or hoping he’ll come help you move out (which he won’t, he’s not exactly a man of his word), all he’s going to think is that you’re obsessed with him and he can keep stringing you along. He’ll probably keep wavering between ignoring you and treating you like shit, then acting like a good guy to keep you hoping and wishing maybe he’ll turn back into the guy you thought he was in the beginning. This is a person with lots and lots of experience in manipulating women. You need to move out, IMO there IS somewhat of a gun to your head to move out, you could seriously hurt yourself by staying there.

Solutions

-pay a mover with his money

-rent a car with his money

-pay for rent with his money

-ask friends for help, I’m sure they will bend over backwards to get you out of there

I just worry so much that he’ll come back and sweet talk you and you’ll be so desperate to go back to how it was once you see his face that you’ll fall for it. He’s going to come back and take advantage of the vulnerable state that HE put you in. Living in a place where you’re surrounded by his belongings is not going to help you heal or move on. You’re stuck in this limbo he’s put you in and he’s just benefitting from it 100% while you… wait. If you really want to get back at him move out and let him deal with the consequences of his actions. Caring for his home and sucking up to him *hoping* this scumbag will give you money back is not revenge, that’s like a picnic for him. He’s milking it now and he’s gonna keep milking it for as long as possible. All the while he’s doing whatever he goddam pleases.

I know I sound mean but this is all said with love and concern for YOU. He makes me so mad and I wish you were doing more for yourself.

P.S. I’m just seeing your engagement pics for the first time… you are BEAUTIFUL!

Post # 293
Member
3292 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with what Moja Milosc is saying 100%. Get out of that house asap. Seriously. The sooner you rid your life of all traces of this guy, the better. I would find it almost impossible to start moving on while still in his house. Just make a clean break. I know that’s a million times easier said than done, but you’ll thank yourself for doing it.

I just read this whole post for the first time tonight…the whole thing makes me so sad and angry and just heartbroken for you. I just looked at some of your pics (under OneEleven) and I want to tell you that you are HOT! And from your posts you sound incredibly smart, balanced, and just generally cool… so just always have in mind how very much YOU are worth — and make this guy history!! How dare he say the things he said to you, after the way he treated you? Gah!! There is something so, so, so much better for you out there. I know it. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through all this, but I’m also really hopeful for your future.  

Post # 294
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

🙁 What else can be said? Live and learn unfortunately … VERY UNFORTUNATELY.

Post # 297
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

wow.

Oneeleven…. I read this thread when it first came but hadn’t seen any of the updates till today.

Shit girl, this is some bs to be going through.

I am sure you know, you deserve better then that. 

Do what you have to do to get on your 2 feet. If staying there till he gets back is your only option, then do that. Just stick with your guns and DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK.

Do not let him see that you are weak. Do not let him see that you are hurt.

On a seperate note, don’t rush into something with someone else just yet. Take some time to do your own thing… even if that means living in a shitty apartment and taking the bus to work. You need to be independant for a while before mingling with any other guys. Even if you dont completely feel it, you are still in a vunerable place and need time to make yourself right. 

ps…. hope your ex gets the herp 

Post # 298
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Oh ya, if you need someone to write an email to the resort in Spanish… I can help out.

Post # 299
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@WasiDuped: This guy sounds like a narcissicist.  He is NOT going to feel guilt, regret, or loss by seeing you.  Narcissists LOVE internet dating sites, because there is an infinite supply of women to lie to and feed their need to be worshipped.  Narcissists HATE anyone who figures them out, catches them lying, because once their charming facade has been cracked you are of NO USE TO THEM.  Please please please read up about narcissists and spare yourself, they are emotional vampires and will prey on someone vulnerable – you may think you are strong right now, but you are no match for someone like him.

Please do not stay in his house, it is NOT HEALTHY for YOU.  You are only setting yourself up for another round of being hurt.  I know what you are going through, I caught the man I was living with cheating on me and on online dating sites.  It is normal, though completely irrational, for you to try to win him back.  I guess it was a self-esteem thing, trying to make him see his mistake and realize what an awesome prize you were. But you will regret trying with this guy, I guarantee you this will backfire on you and make you feel even lower than you did before.  Why give him one more minute of your life, one more opportunity to hurt you???

I agree 110% with Moja Milosc.  The BEST revenge is getting on with your life, I met my husband 3 months after I kicked out that jerk.  My wonderful new relationship was the only revenge I needed.  Surround yourself with friends that will get you out of the house and help you see that there is LIFE after being cheated on. 

Post # 301
Member
4560 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’ve been thinking about you. How are you doing?

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